


Changing the Universe

by Cendree, Fangirl0



Series: Transdimentional Constants [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adventure, All of the tags-ALL OF THEM, Alternate Universe, Angst, Animals, Awkwardness, Blood, Comfort, Crushing, Cuddling, Cults, Dancing, Domestic, Dominance, Flirting, Friendship, God Tier, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Sburb, Rocketboarding, SBURB, Unrequited Love, Violence, Wrestling, movies - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-26
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:11:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 81,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cendree/pseuds/Cendree, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl0/pseuds/Fangirl0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to "Pilfering a Heart" and "Let the Games Begin".<br/>Several vignettes of moments throughout the Alpha Sburb-session, culminating in the new universe and Jake meeting up with Dirk and Post-Scratch Dave in Houston over a year later, once they've adjusted to their lives in the new universe. How will Jake react to the world outside of of his island home?<br/>And will Jake and Dirk be able to finally admit their developing feelings?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which two instances meet.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright! Things are going to get interesting from here on out!  
> We're still working on this story of the fic, but it's already longer than either one of the previous (though not longer than both combined yet; I get the sneaking suspicion it could be).  
> Admittedly, most of the stuff taking place in the game is also more a character study and will be a bit glossed over. There'll be plenty of flirtation and drama, but not much by way of details from the game since Hussie will prove just about everything wrong later anyway.  
> Regardless, I hope all of you enjoy it as much as we're enjoying writing it!

It all went smoother than Dirk could have ever hoped for.

After meeting up with Jane and Roxy, the game hardly gave them any problems— it was almost suspicious, but he didn’t dwell on worrying about it. Rather, he focused on keeping everyone together, Roxy and Jane and Jake and himself, as they made their way to the moment when the timelines and universes were supposed to weave together.

Dirk stands still and stiff as he watches the four other kids approach. And by four other kids, he means Jane’s poppop, Jake’s grandma, Roxy’s mom, and... his bro.

And it is the strangest thing he's ever experienced— probably for them as well, he thinks— and it is incredibly overwhelming. But they are here and there's no absconding.

“Sup,” Dirk says, with a little head jerk of greeting at the other blonde boy. His bro. So young. And alive.

“Yo,” replies Dave, mimicking the gesture and thinking the exact same thing.

They stare at each other, hidden behind their coolkid facades, and then, after too long of a moment (but no one even cares, they are all too busy hugging and laughing and greeting), Dave holds out a shaky, wobbly fist. “We’re doing this, bro?”

Dirk doesn’t cry but he’s still thankful that no one can see his eyes behind the shades as their knuckles meet.

After the initial hubbub is over, everyone basically stands around, still touching lots and talking excitedly. But Dirk starts looking around for Mr. lived-his-whole-life-in-relative-isolation (and holy shit, Poppop Egbert looks a shitton like Jake in his youth, no wonder since he surmised years ago that Poppop must also be Jake's grandpa). Something tells him that Jake might not be the most comfortable in this situations, but he could definitely be wrong.

Jake does well enough at first, exuberantly greeting Jade and then John since that's the two he knows the most about despite the fact that he also clearly admires the other two young rebel guardians. It doesn't take very long for a little bit of anxiety to set in, though, when some more attention is focused on him at once. He's clearly feeling a bit surrounded since he's not used to people physically being near him and, used to dealing with monsters back on the island, finds being surrounded to be frightening and disadvantageous. The uneasiness comes through obviously with a slight change in stance and a bit of a nervous stammer.

Dirk slinks his way over to Jake after noticing his hunched shoulders and ducked head— his bro looks a bit like a cornered animal with that sort of posture and Strider feels like he should make sure he’s not in the process of flipping his shit.

When he reaches Jake, he gently touches his shoulder, murmuring a soothing sort of “hey.” From his closer position, Dirk can definitely see how tense Jake’s muscles are and the last thing he wants is to spook him. Maybe he's treating his best friend a bit too much like a startled horse but- those guns are definitely still on his person and as dangerous as ever.

Jake flinches at the touch to his shoulder. Fortunately, it was slow and gentle, plus had Dirk's voice accompanying so it didn't freak him out enough for the guns to come out. A very lucky break.

“You chill, Jake?” He asks in that same quiet, low voice.

"N-not particularly," Jake murmurs in response. He's not used to having so many people around him. He should be seriously happy, which he is in a way, but it's kind of overshadowed by the unfamiliarity.

Dirk’s brow furrows at that little stutter. Poor Jake. “Do you want abscond for a few minutes?”

He doesn’t really wait for a response to his question before his hand squeezes Jake’s drawn up shoulder as comfortingly as possible. Using this grip to softly push Jake out of the mini crowd, he attempts to make their departure something completely nonchalant and insignificant. At least the group plays along, ignoring the two boys as Dirk continues to guide Jake to a decently secluded area near where the ship landed.

Strider doesn’t say anything, just switches the shoulder hold out with a somewhat uncertain back rub. Dirk’s hand lightly and cautiously runs over Jake’s shoulder blades in small circles. The hesitation is mostly because he wants to make sure it comes off as a bro thing- something to comfort Jake- rather than a creepy advance on the dude. Seriously, that sort of thing is way gone from his brain and he’s been trying insanely hard to make sure it stays that way. Jake is just his best friend, and right now, he needs something to help him relax.

Jake takes a few slow shaky breaths, giving Dirk a grateful look for separating him from the group temporarily. Well, not to mention the comforting rubbing on his back. "Thanks, Bro... That was getting a tad overwhelming for me."

The adventurer's breathing finishes evening out and his smile looks a bit more at ease. "I think I'm alright now, but would you mind if we hang out a bit? Some of the usual camaraderie will probably settle things well. It's smashing to see everyone, but... it's a bit much, you know? Then again, your brother is famous. You've probably heard records of gargantuan crowds in comparison to that."

The brother comment threw Dirk off a bit, making him glance over at the group— specifically at Dave. The thought of his brother and seeing him walk out to throngs of people, press and fans alike... He wasn’t holding a grudge against this Dave, or anything for never being around since it was impossible whether or not he had the career he had because he was centuries away just like Jake, but this definitely wasn’t the famous bro Jake was talking about. That bro was still dead to him in a literal way. He decides not to respond besides a dismissive shrug.

Once Jake’s body relaxes, Dirk drops his arm and gracefully settles onto the ground, patting the dirt beside him like he has done numerous times. “Okay, let’s chill. You and me, English. We’ll be like the little assholes at a birthday party who are too cool to participate in the festivities of the plebeians. Maybe they are going to break a piñata, but do we give a fuck? Hell fucking no. Who even needs candy? Losers, that’s who.”

Dirk’s lips twitch upwards as he continues spinning ridiculous analogies that aren’t even really relevant to their current situation. He looks up at Jake, orange eyes peeking out over the top of his pointy glasses. Clearly he’s being playful. “Put on your shades, dude. We need to take this to the next level of cool indifference. They need to know that we see their little get-together and we couldn’t give an iota of a shit about it.”

Jake plops down next to him in the dirt and places on Brobot's shades over his glasses. He laughs as he says, "Dirk. This probably looks stupid on me."

Cool isn't exactly the normal setting for Jake. Perhaps badass or adorkable would be a better sort of term for him. Still, it's good that he's happy and chilling right now despite the mild panic attack. Resilient might be another term for him, come to think of it. Dirk checks out Jake’s face and yeah, he looks incredibly adorkable, emphasis on the dork. These shades are obviously not meant to be worn over glasses because he can see the black frame of the geeky adventure-specs jutting out around the edges.

Of course, looking at the red lenses brings back some sad feelings about the events transpiring between Jake, himself, and the robot replica he created, but he bears them well.

“What, man, no way.” Dirk replies in mock indignation, giving Jake a little bump on his shoulder. He's incredibly thankful that his friend is calm and content again. “You look exactly how you should look, which is as though you are fresh out of a mecha anime and as cool as the teat of a witch in the ice age.” Man, what is with these analogies.

Jake outright laughs at that response and bumps Dirk's shoulder in return. "I swear, your analogies get more abstract every time we converse. There was a train of thought once, but then you started saying that and- wham! The conversation was derailed and there was an explosion. Was it my laughter? Or maybe your cool? Who even knows, but what a fucking aftermath!"

"And you might want to calm down on the witch ones anyway. My grandmother's one, you know," the adventurer says, his laughter fading to snickers.

“Oh dude. Come on, man. You gathering the broken pieces of our apparent train-wreck of a conversation and cobbling them together into banter about your grandma’s boobs. Totally kills the bromantic mood we had going here. Even if she is totally foxy.” Dirk’s face breaks into a grin and he chuckles in a totally intentionally creepy way. “The fox part especially, given her canid ears. Mmm.”

"Ew. Brooo," Jake says, giving Dirk a joking little push to the shoulder. "That's my grandma you're leering over. She's definitely off-limits."

That would be so awkward if any of their group flirted with the other group. Sure, they're all around the same age, but these are young versions of the people who raised them... well, Jade for Jake, at least, but everyone else in spirit! Even if there is something slightly off about it all. He makes a little tease of his own by adding, "If you pull anything, I might just have to flirt with your brother in retaliation, so beware."

There is a momentary pang of jealousy at that, but it is quickly turned into more playful joking. “I really couldn’t blame you for it, Jake. If he weren’t my bro, I’d totally be all over that ass.”

Dirk definitely knows how weird of a thing it is to say that, but then again this whole conversation is pretty fucking silly. He runs a hand over his slightly stiff blonde hair, smirking and trying to look irresistible before continuing, “It’s the Strider charm. People just always want in our pants. It’s hard. It’s hard and nobody except other Striders understand.”

Dirk looks over at the group, eyes once again drawn to John and the freaky as fuck similarities between his goofy dorkface and that of Jake’s.

“So. If I can’t tap your hot g-ma, do you think Grandpa Crocker is off-limits? I definitely wouldn’t mind feeling up those derpy teeth with my tongue.” He can barely contain his laughter as his own tongue rolls over his front teeth in what is clearly intended to be a sexy manner. Jesus. Is this seriously how bros act around each other?

"Ooh, Mr. Egbert," he whispers huskily before cracking up.

Jake looks over at John, his cheeks flushing indignantly at the thought of Dirk chasing after him. Maybe it's because of the fact that he's Jane's grandpa? Regardless, Jake scoots a little closer to his best bro (in a totally not territorial way) and says, "Only if you don't mind Jane attempting to stab the hell out of you with a cooking implement. I doubt Strider charm could quell her wrath."

"And speaking of Strider charm, you don't have to worry about me pursuing your brother. It's cool that he becomes a Hollywood type, but I know who the really cool Strider is here." He gives Dirk a playful fist bump and says, "But to put your mind at ease, if I were courting someone, I'd be opening doors for them and that sort of shit. You'd be able to tell."

A little happy grin finds its way to Dirk’s face when their fists meet. There’s no doubt in his mind that he’s the cooler Strider, but it’s definitely nice to hear it from Jake. 

Dirk sniggers and raises a brow at the thought of Jakeish courting rituals. “Goddamn, Jake. Who knew you were such a gentleman? Holding doors and ‘that sort of shit?’ Sounds incredibly romantic when you say it like that. Quick, catch me. I’m swooning.” He lets his body go limp like he’s fainted, knocking into Jake’s shoulder and leaning heavily against his side. Best bros forever. 

"Ha ha. Whatever, Strider," Jake says, managing to hold himself up despite the overdramatic trust lean. "I'm totally a romantic. You think Strider charm can get all of the ladies? Try being an English. Oh wait, you're too busy swooning."

After a few moments of this cuddly bullshit, Strider affectionately grinds his fist into Jake’s stomach, and then pops to his feet. He gestures to the group of kids and says, “We should probably go back over. You think you can face the horde now? I promise to not hit on inu-grandma.”

Jake stands up and takes off the pointy shades, captchaloguing them away. With an enthusiastic smile and nod, they walk back to the group together with ease. Their return is eagerly greeted by their friends and things are feeling damn good.


	2. In which there is rejection and advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this whole story started right after Jake resolves to look for Brobot, Jane hadn't attempted and bungled here love confession, so this chapter's going to deal with it a bit differently. This whole story is getting very AU from canon.

After the touching meet and greet had concluded, the four awesome God Tier young versions of the guardians return to the large ship to go plan out how to set some things up. Jade had brought entire planets with her and that was so rad, but that meant organizing how their placement would go, as well at their strategies against the Batterwitch and Lord English. Meanwhile, the other four kids are chilling around a fire (that Jake made exactly like last time, which impressed Jane and Roxy to no end) and talking about various things, just to have some time to themselves for the time being.

"Can you believe it? Me and Strider finding a cult devoted to my movie collection? It was fucking unbelievable," Jake says with an amused chuckle. That had to be one of the high points of the game so far.

Dirk listened pretty quietly while Jake talked about their adventures on LOSAE, speaking only to sneak in little details that Jake omitted, like the fact that he nearly crashed them into a tree while rocketboarding or that he yelped and clung like a girl when Dirk first took off. Some things stayed out of the story though— like their fight. Dirk’s bruises had faded considerably but that didn’t stop Jane from worrying and wondering what happened.

He had blamed it on a misstep with the ogre that landed him a rock to the face. And he assured her several times that he was fine, Jane. No, no, he didn’t need ice... or a cake. Har har, so funny, Crocker. No, for fuck’s sake, it is just a bruise. It only hurt when it happened. Dirk avoided eye contact with Jake for a few minutes after that.

Even with those sort of awkward moments, having his best friends around like this was really amazing. He feels perfectly content sitting around the fire, listening to the Cockney/Australian accented monologues, complete with those turn of the century Jakeisms.

Roxy’s head lolls onto his lap with a drunken wibble of a grin. She softly slurs at him, “Diiiirk.”

“Rox,” he acknowledges, looking down at her and stroking her hair briefly.

“Dirky dirk, lookit 'em,” she tries to keep her voice to a sort of low hiss, so that she doesn’t interrupt Jake’s storytelling. “Looooook.”

Dirk obeys and watches his best bro as he continues relaying the adventure, facing towards Jane while he talks. To Dirk they both seem thoroughly engrossed in the tale— it’s kind of cute the way both their eyes shine so joyfully in the firelight, both of their faces lit up with amusement. But his heart does a weird plummeting feeling at the realization that this could be the blossoming of a relationship between them. He wonders if that’s what Roxy is getting at. He chooses to ignore her for the moment.

“Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it, English,” Dirk butts in as Jake starts talking about “Strider’s messed up code of irony” and being coerced into destroying the movie filled temple.

"Well, some of it wasn't so bad, you only twisted my arm a bit since you were already wrecking up the joint anyway, but I admit some guilt-tripping," Jake replies with a flustered little smile.

On the subject of bruises, the hickeys Brobot had given him have faded and look barely visible. Jake's going to sort of miss seeing them there, but it would probably cause all sorts of awkward questioning. No one but Dirk knows about the short-lived relationship he had with the robot. In fact, Roxy and Jane would probably think he was joking about it.

"We'll be making it up to them somehow," the adventurer adds, giving Dirk a little look to tell him that yes they will be making it up to the Chameleons.

He glances to both Roxy and Jane now. Roxy has a weird satisfied smirk on her face. Jane, of course, has a sweet and attentive smile. They're both great friends and he feels a bit bad that it's taken so long to meet up with them. Jake gives them both a smile in return and asks, "So, how have you ladies been faring with your own adventures?"

"Well, it mostly just involved helping Miss Lalonde reach LOBAS and meeting me there," Jane replies before Roxy could bet a boisterously drunk word in. "There wasn't as much to it as your grand adventure with Dirk, but it was fun to help her out and Lil' Seb kept me company." The robotic rabbit pops up next to her at the sound of his name.

“Dear, sweet Huggy Bear,” Dirk coos (ironically) at the little robot, clucking at it to come over. When the rabbit is in reach, he picks it up by an ear, inspecting it for dents or visible wires. “He didn’t give you a hard time, right? I know he can get antsy.”

Like right now— Lil’ Seb wiggles out of Dirk’s grip and scampers back to Jane. He stands beside her but tilts his little metal face up to curiously look at Jake through his tiny red shades.

"Not recently, no," Jane replies, watching the little robot gaze curiously at Jake.

Jake looks at the robotic rabbit for a moment as well. It's kind kind of cute, but Dirk wasn't kidding about the rambunctiousness. It's hilarious that Lil' Seb or Huggy Bear or whatever it's called wears tiny shades that resemble his creator's and Brobot's. Wait a minute... Huggy Bear?! As in the character Snoop Dogg played in the Starsky and Hutch movie? That's even better. He totally needs to rub that into Dirk's smug face later.

Dirk purses his lips at Lil' Seb's staring. What was even with Strider robotics and Jake English? Luckily, the bot quickly gets bored of staring and starts running around, smashing up rocks with his tiny fists instead.

Roxy is snickering now, looking at Jane. “I got to LOBAS like super quick and then me and Janey had the most awesomeee slubmp... slumber party! ‘Cept we didn’t relly sleep because JANEY HERE was all worrying omg it was like all she talked about soooo,” she blathers through the alcohol.

She reaches up for Dirk, trying to pull his down like she is going to tell him a secret. He plays along, but Roxy talks in a perfectly audible voice when she continues her inebriated monologue, “Soooooo I got her tispy— shit— tipsy!”

Dirk looks somewhat surprised and glances up at Jane.

Jake also looks at Jane in surprise at the comment about Roxy getting her tipsy. Straight-laced, tight-ass, perfect role-model Jane was drinking in the game? Wow, that's something incredible to wrap his head around.

"Roxy, you are making it sound ridiculously out of hand!" Jade says, blushing in flustered embarrassment. "I only had a little. I was a bit nervous."

“Whatever, Jane!” Roxy crows, snorting merrily and flailing her limbs towards Jane in what is no doubt intended to be a dismissive (or maybe calming?) gesture. “No one even caaaares. I mean they are porb... probably glad you got rid of that goddamn stick in your butt for once AND LIVED!”

Dirk looks vaguely amused but covers it well with his deadpan. He also feels sort of guilty for leaving Jane alone with Little Miss Liver Damage for so long, especially now that Roxy is all but convulsing with mirth in his lap. She must be hitting her stride. Maybe he should restrain her...

“You’re tha mothafuckin’ MoL, Janeyyy,” Rolal slurrs loudly, pointing a finger to her bffsy. “Maid o’ LIFE!”

Dirk takes his Derse sibling’s outstretched and pointing hand and holds it gently down. “What are you even talking about, Roxy?”

“Lmoa I don’t even knowww. But Dirk, dick, oops, dirk, dirrrrk. Jane was so cute. She was so so worried 'bout Jake. An’ you too yeah but not as much.”

"Lalonde!" Jane cries out, looking oh so fussy and understandably embarrassed. "I was worried about both of them very equally."

Jake just kind of chuckles at the awkward little scene between everyone, but particularly Jane and Roxy. He's not too surprised at the prospect of Jane worrying about him. Sometimes she complains a little bit about his naïvete in certain situations, but not as much as Dirk, so the idea of a little over-protectiveness doesn't shock him.

Lil' Seb watches the humans fussing amongst each other, practically running in place from his boundless energy. His ears are twitching cutely, slightly directing towards each person as they speak despite not needing them to.

"Really. This is just... silly!" the self-proclaimed gumshoe complains, crossing her arms in a little huff.

Dirk looks back and forth at Jane and Roxy with the usual blank face. Yeah, he definitely should stop Roxy soon— the poor heiress is getting pretty upset.

But then he spots his little robot creation being cute as fuck. He catches Jake’s eyes and makes a small gesture over Roxy’s now skyward-reaching arms towards Lil’ Seb, like, “look at that shit, so adorable.” He fondly regards his creation with his best bro.

Jake's head follows Dirk's motioning over to Lil' Seb. Damn, that little robotic rabbit thing is adorable. His big ears almost appear to be following the conversation as he does some sort of antsy little can't-stay-still dance. English can't help but grin at the sight, even if he can't fathom why Dirk made the little robotic creature so excitable.

Meanwhile, Roxy is in the throes of alcoholism though and is going to see this thing through, dammit. “Jane Jane Jane,” she sighs dramatically, fingers curling into a pleading sort of position. “Le sign, Jane. Do you know why I am le sign, hmm?”

"Le sign?" Jane asks, looking bewildered at the phrase. Does she mean "le sigh" or has she finally gotten drunk enough to not process whatever she's trying to say correctly? Probably that first option, but Jane wouldn't put the latter entirely past her.

She doesn’t really let Jane answer, bouldering drunkenly right into, “Dirk, you know the le sign!”

Dirk pulls his eyes away from Seb and turns them down to Rox, giving her an incredulous and somewhat confused stare. She paps his face murmuring something like “shhhh it’s okay.” His eyebrow shoots up.

“Jane, Jane kept going on and on and on about Jake and you and I was like, ‘look Janey it’s totally fine just have a drink.’ But holy shit, that made things waaay more Jake-centric and it was crazy ‘dorable how flustered she was, lol.” For a moment, Roxy seems lost in thought. “But then she went back to hiding her feelings, total tightass mode! Ughhh.”

Dirk’s eyes flicker up to Jake.

“Omg, look at them, Dirk. When they were just taking about adventures ‘n shit... it was so sweet, right? Wouldn’t they make the cutest couple? I am tryin' sooo hard to not be crazy jelly you don’t even know.” The blonde girl’s hands plop onto her cheeks as she let out another really dramatic sigh, finally finished with her rant.

Dirk isn't really sure what to do, but he doesn’t stop looking at Jake.

Roxy's loud talking ensures that Jake and Jane are both painfully privy to the situation she's waxing about to Dirk. Jake's reaction is nervously tugging at the collar of his shirt, clearly uncomfortable with the subject (and for a brief moment, it looks like his eyes quickly glanced over at Dirk, though it's difficult to tell), and saying, "Erm. About that-"

"Ah, HA HA HA," Jane gives a painfully false and loud bout of laughter to interrupt Jake and keep Roxy from interrupting in turn. "You're such a kidder, Roxy! I'm supposed to be the one with all of the levity here! Beefing up my Prankster's Gambit and everything, you know!"

Dirk winces a little at the really forced laughter coming from Jane. Well, this has gotten incredibly awkward. He’s not sure if he should look at Jane because he doesn’t want to embarrass/stress her out further, but he also doesn’t want to continue staring at Jake because that’s pretty fucking weird too. He chooses to focus on Seb, bouncing around Jane like a little robotic maniac. Why did he program him to be so energetic? It must have been one of those things he thought would be hilarious while coding. He didn’t entirely disagree with those past actions, but a spastic bunny was probably not the most appropriate thing at the present.

Roxy is busy shaking her head semi-violently, not a good idea probably while she’s riproaring drunk. Her body seems to agree and she looks pretty nauseous for a couple of seconds. “Nuh uh nuuuuh uhhhh, Janey! There is NO WAY I’m gonna let you tightass your way out of this now! You totally wanted to talk to Jake all about your feels— feelings when we were on LOBAS and now you are gonna dammit!”

She starts to try to pull herself off Dirk’s lap, but the dizziness caused by the amount she’s drunk and from suddenly changing positions throws her off balance. Dirk is there though, easily scooping her into his arms bridal-style. “Alright, Rox. I think we’re going to go find somewhere quiet and cozy to pass out.”

Roxy makes some incoherent grumbling noises before giving a snort of laughter, deciding that she was pretty content snuggled against Dirk, who is looking at Jake again. The shades hide the conflicted look in his eyes quite well. Finally he says, “We’ll catch up with you two when Dionysus here has recovered from her bacchanal.”

Lalonde looks bleary-eyed at Jane, then winks. “Go gettem tiger! Wonk!” She commences papping Dirk’s face again, “Cmon, Dirk, let’s leave these two LOVE BORDS, fuck, birds, alone! LOLLIE OUTIE!”

He frowns a little but carries her away towards the ship, nodding at his two friends before he leaves.

Jake and Jane both almost feel like begging Dirk and Roxy to come back. It won't do any good, though. Knowing Dirk's pushes for character growth in everyone, he'd just tell them that they have important feels to discuss. They awkwardly squirm at the pending talk, Lil' Seb bounding around them as excitedly as usual.

"Good lord was she sauced," Jake says with a nervous little chuckle. It's an attempt to lighten the mood, but he's not sure what else to say and it probably didn't work. They're probably stuck with talking about feelings now. He's not exactly looking forward to it, what with losing Brobot and just having a confusing time with his feelings.

There's another long awkward pause between them. The silence and heaviness of the atmosphere right now is almost oppressive. Jake guesses that Jane will have to be the one to break the ice since he failed so miserably. He tries to mentally prepare himself for this conversation. 

Jane fidgets with her skirt a little, an extremely shaky barely smile on her face. This isn’t really the way she wanted this whole conversation to go and she has never dealt well with being forced into unexpected and unplanned situations. She can already feel all her gutsiness leaving her body.

“Um. I. Jake.” Wow, excellent start so far, Jane! The whole idea of confessing to Jake like this kind of makes her want to throw herself into the fire. She squeezes her cyan eyes shut, inhales deeply, and then looks at Jake, almost pleadingly. 

“Jake, you are a really great pal! Hoo hoo!” Oh lord, that was the fakest laugh she has ever given. Also, “pal?” What was she trying to do? Friend-zone herself? The fire is really right there, maybe she could just casually roll— “And, uh, I think you’re a great boy too?”

The adventurer patiently waits for Jane to finish what she wants (no, needs) to say. In the back of Jake's mind, he notes that he gets a lot of anguished confessions over feelings. At least, he imagines two is a lot. He must be more charismatic than he thought, but there's no way to make everyone happy. Not to mention that he's sorted his own thoughts about Jane already.

Her right eye starts to twitch a little with the amount of self-loathing she’s feeling, but hopefully Jake can’t see it. Jane gives a little throat-clearing cough. 

“Err, what I mean is that I might have some, um, f-feelings that are more than the typical great pal-who-is-a-boy kind and maybe more like what one would have for a great boypal— friend?” That was the most horrendously unclear and idiotic sentence she has ever strung together. She should probably just leave now. Her bright red face goes right into her hands and she makes a little groaning noise. So stupid.

Jake holds back a slightly displeased groan of his own at that. He doesn't want to hurt Jane's feelings but, well, it is going to hurt in the end regardless of how he says it. He swallows nervously and looks back at Jane. "Uh. Well. Jane... You're a swell friend and I couldn't ask for a more shining example. And don't think that I haven't given some thought to the prospect in the past because I really have..."

He nervously tugs his shirt collar again. Cripes, this is awful, but he needs to get this issue out of the way. "It's just that, um- I've been under some romantic stress lately and I've been sorting out some really confusing issues and I think perhaps I've also been seeing you as more of a brilliant sister or something as of late?"

“Oh,” she replies as she lifts her flushed face, trying hard to keep the disappointment out of her voice. Obviously Jane is sad about this. She really does like Jake an awful lot and had always imagined that they would be a rather excellent pairing, but she’s a tough dame and she definitely wants Jake to be happy— and if that means just being his friend-sister then so be it.

But yeah, she is feeling the heartache right now. “Well, that’s. Okay. I. I’m perfectly happy to be your sister rather than your... I mean, of course, I want to support you in any way I can, J!”

Jane gives another weak hoot of laughter, trying very hard to not look sad for Jake’s sake. She wishes Roxy were here, mostly so that she could yell at her for forcing this moment but also because it would be nice to have her bffsy to comfort her.

Jake feels a little heartache of his own for hurting such a close friend. She's one of the few he has left. The guardians could probably be added to that list, but who knows how long they'll stick around? Still, even with some more friends, he doesn't feel any less guilty over Jane's predicament. She's seriously great, even if he doesn't feel romantically interested in her.

“M-maybe I can help with those confusing issues?” She asks, hesitantly. The sooner she could steer the conversation away from the rejection and her subsequently decimated feelings the better. “I could perhaps dish out some sisterly-friend advice in an entirely platonic and chumsy sort of manner?”

"Thanks, Jane. Seriously. I hope you won't mind an absence of certain particulars, even though I guess it'll raise a fuckton of questions. It's sort of a difficult thing to chew the fat over to begin with," Jake says, looking at his hands folded on his legs. He'll have to make it up to Jade at some point for dumping this on her, but the issue is concerning him. "There was... someone else I know that had admitted feelings for me and I gave them the old college try at it. It was nice, being able to converse and see things in a new way and get closer, but... To simplify things, they were dying and I knew that to begin with, but-"

Jake blinks a bit, trying to dissuade the beginning of some tears. It doesn't really work, but he continues his story. "But, like I said, I accepted anyway. Even though I knew it. It was a goddamn fantastic day anyway but then... it happened, just like I knew it would, right in front of me. I don't regret saying yes in the first place, since I was able to make that last day something to remember."

"Despite that, there's something kind of nagging in the back of my head about it all. What if I start to feel something akin to less platonic affection for someone else? That person I mentioned... died right before the game," he says, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket. "I don't really feel that way for anyone yet, but I've been feeling something that concerns me. The idea that maybe I could in time... It kind of makes me feel like this reprehensible cad."

Jane looks sadly at Jake and cautiously takes his hand into hers, squeezing it. She doesn’t really understand whom he could be talking about; as far as she knew, Jake only talked the rest of the gang. But it sounded like he actually spent time in person with this character and none of the other alphas had seen each other until just a short while ago.

Though her inner gumshoe’s interest is highly piqued, she reasons that it is probably for the best to not investigate. Jake’s privacy should be respected and, honestly, she doesn’t really want to know who beat her out and got the adventurer’s much sought-after affections.

Jake offers a sad but grateful smile when Jane squeezes his hand. She's the best friend right now. It's good to get those worries off of his chest, even if Jane's probably crazy curious about it now. After all, Dirk's the only one that knows what happened and Jake isn't sure how much information he actually has about it.

“I’m so sorry about your loss, Jake,” she says in a soft, comforting voice, still squeezing his hand. “I... I don’t really know that any advice I can give you will be terribly reliable or useful because I’ve never been in such a situation. But...”

Jane tries to put herself in the position of Jake’s unknown paramour, not difficult since she has imagined herself as such many times before, and if she died, hm. She would of course want Jake to mourn her and not jump into something else immediately... but if some time passed and Jake found himself growing attached to someone new, well, she would (and does) love him enough to want more than anything for him to be happy.

“I can’t conjure up a single instance where you could be seen as a cad! J, if this person truly loved you, and it sounds as though he or she did, said person would want the best for you. Whatever makes you the happiest. And I don’t think he or she would mind in the slightest if that meant falling in love with someone else.” She releases Jake’s hand and gives him a sympathetic smile.

The adventurer nods at her reply, feeling a bit relieved with it. She's probably right. Maybe in time, it wouldn't be a terrible thing to feel love for someone else. Brobot seemed like an understanding guy and, honestly, Jake does want to stay faithful in his memory for a while longer, even if this weird feeling he's been having turns out to be something. He pulls her into a grateful little hug. "Actually, Jane, that really helped. Thanks again."

Jane lets out a little giggly “hoo” when she’s hugged and even manages to produce a real smile for her friend. “Any time! That’s what sister-pals are for, Jake!”

She pats his back sweetly, then stands and brushes off her skirt. Though she still feels sad about the way this confession went, she’s thankful that she was able to comfort Jake at least a little. But now it is time to go give Lalonde some serious hell for that horrible wave of awkward she induced.

“Alrighty, I think it’s time to skedaddle. You’re welcome to join me, of course. Or I could leave you here, if you’d rather?” She thinks that perhaps Jake might need some time alone to boil over his thoughts.

"I'll go with you," Jake says, standing up as well. There's really no reason for him to stick around outside, particularly since they got their feelings out in the open. Sure, it was a bit awkward and all, but things have been mostly settled. Maybe the personal side for each of them isn't, but at least the air is clear now. "Our dear friend Roxy might be up to some mischief if she hasn't passed out yet."

Jane laughs again, slowly returning to her normal chipper self. “Good golly, let’s hope not! Poor Mister Strider if she is.”

She considers taking up Jake’s arm but decides that is potentially giving in too much to her romantic feelings, so she just pats his back, friendly-style. It will take a little while to get over these feelings but she can do it! Hoo hoo? Bluh... She starts off to find Roxy and Dirk, Jake trailing after.


	3. In which a dear friend ascends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timing of this chapter is a bit opportune, considering the last one, but just read until the end.

He jinxed it. He totally fucking jinxed it. All the goddamn talk about how things were going so smoothly and he was pulling all the strings and they were going to slide all easily like it was a piece of motherfucking playground equipment.  
  
What a huge, idiotic piece of shit he was. Jake should have let him get crushed by that rock since he was being a cocky douchebag back then too, and maybe he would have learned a lesson and everything would have been okay.  
  
Okay, maybe that was a little dramatic and, yeah, he was being pretty tough on himself, but Jesus. He’s never hated himself more than he does right now.  
  
Because Jane is dead.  
  
And it is without a doubt mostly his fault.  
  
They had gone up against the Batterwitch— well not so much “gone up against” as they were ambushed by the crazy bitch and a shitton of drones. And while Dirk was nice and distracted by all of those red mecha-looking assholes, the she-devil of Crockercorp walked over to and stabbed the little heiress right in the chest with her fork. It wasn’t even a fight. Jane was alive and then she was dead. Bleeding all over his shirt as he picked her limp body off the ground.  
  
Dirk’s body starts shaking violently but he doesn’t seem to notice it. His head is in his hands and he just sits in silence and quakes, pretty much unresponsive as he loses himself in thought.  
  
Jake kneels next to them, looking just as shaken as Dirk. He cautiously checks for a pulse on her neck, pulling his hand away when he confirms to himself that she's dead. He feels a clenching in his chest at the thought that he's lost someone else dear to him. That terrible alien overlord actually took one of them down in real life and that's not even mentioning that wounds... they resemble... now he supposes it's confirmed how his grandma went out. The Batterwitch is a fucking monster. He places a hand on Dirk's shoulder, noticing the shaking.  
  
Dirk flinches at Jake’s touch, momentarily startled out of his self-hatred. He pulls his face away from his hands for about a minute to look hard at Jake then at Jane’s crumpled body.   
  
Roxy notices the issue as well while both of the guys are busy stewing in their own personal miseries over the loss and doesn't take it any better than them. She pulls her dead best friend into a hug, blubbering inelegantly in an honest display of everyone's distress. A hesitant pat on the back from Jake, trying to reassure her similarly to his attempt with Strider, doesn't do much to soothe Roxy's anguish. "Janey! We're s'posed to play the game together! Don't go, Jaaaane!"  
  
When Roxy starts crying, Dirk just can’t anymore. He isn’t sure what it is he can’t, but just fucking can’t. He pulls off his shades and digs his fingers into his distressed eyes, rubbing hard until he sees stars and sparks behind his eyelids. He isn’t going to let himself cry. That would be yet another defeat. Losing Jane was more than enough; he should have protected her, taken care of her like he was supposed to take care of everyone. He failed in the worst way.  
  
This definitely has to stop. Jake carefully helps Roxy place Jane back down and gives her a hug, as well as a shoulder to cry on, rocking slightly to calm her. He quietly murmurs, "Come on, Roxy. W-we need to be courageous for Jane. She wouldn't w-want to see us raising a fuss like this. We'll get that atrocious bitch that k- did that to her. Please stop crying..."  
  
Strider stands up suddenly, still shaking like a leaf but still completely unaware or uncaring. “I’m moving her,” he says brusquely. Bending, he scoops Jane’s ragdoll corpse into his arms, “It’s not safe to be out in the open like this. Take Roxy back to the ship, Jake.”   
  
His voice, though wavering, is harsh and commanding. Pulling the strings. That’s his job. Even when he fucks up everything. The ship was at least safe from his capacity for massive destruction and he needed to know they would be okay while he brought Jane to her quest bed. Because that’s what he was going to do. He wasn’t sure if she could reach God Tier like this, being already dead. But he knew he couldn’t just dump her body anywhere if there was any chance that she might be able to come back stronger than ever.  
  
Jake nods at Dirk's order and coaxes Roxy back onto her feet. She's calmed down a bit more and, while she's certainly not done mourning her best friend by a long shot, she's getting a grip on things. There's no way she wants to slip up further, not with Jane gone like that.  
  
As Jake prepares to escort Roxy with him to the ship, he takes the moment to say, "Be careful, Bro."  
  
Roxy, noting the look on Dirk's face, is having a very perceptive moment. As such, she has the feeling that Strider wants to be alone as soon as possible and that he'd rather have friendly warnings at some other time. She acts on that, as well as her longing to have a moment alone in some part of the ship, and ends up ushering Jake to the ship. She offers a wave to Dirk as she goes, but stays silent for the moment otherwise. It's definitely a somber moment now.  
  
Dirk, with the cold body of one of his best friends limp in his arms, watches Jake and Roxy leave. They fade to specks in the distance and then he’s taking off, streaking through the sky on his rocketboard to seek out the Witch of Space. Jade doesn’t say anything when he demands to be sent to the Land of Mystery and Spirit, Jane’s planet. She doesn’t know if this God Tier attempt will work either, so she just teleports Dirk over with a sympathetic and sad smile.  
  
He doesn’t waste time getting her to the quest bed and as he arranges Jane’s limbs over the flat stone surface, he apologizes profusely. “I fucked up so bad, Janey. First I fucked up Jake and now this... This should never have happened to you— wasn’t doing my job well enough. I’m so sorry.” He leans over her body and places a little kiss on her cold lips. A quick pester and Jade is pulling him back to where the ship is.  
  
Somehow he manages to force his practically decimated body to walk into a room on board before he lets his shaking legs give out to crumple onto the floor. It was his worst nightmare for years to have to experience first hand the death of one of the three people he loved as much as his bro. Especially after finally meeting up with them after years of isolation on a flooded planet. And he could have prevented it, but he didn’t. So Jane died right in front of him. His palms grind into his distraught orange eyes.  
  
It doesn't take much for Jake find Dirk, considering the loud stumbling before he laid on the floor in his distress. Roxy wanted some time alone, so when Jade had quietly announced Strider's return, Jake was bandying to greet him to take his mind off of the direct issue of Jane's death. The adventurer frowns slightly from his vantage point. He's almost certain, with the look Dirk had on his face when they all discovered what had happened, that he's blaming himself. Jake's no stranger to that mentality, so he steps into the room and sits on the floor next to his distressed friend.  
  
"It's not your fault, you know," Jake says in a hushed voice. "You're fast, but it's still hogwash to think you can be everywhere at once. We were all in the middle of strifing, for crying out loud. Blaming yourself is preposterous and I know you're doing it because I did that same line of thinking with Brobot."  
  
At the sound of Jake’s voice, Dirk weakly raises his head to look at the boy sitting next to him. The mention of Brobot sends his face into a contortion of self-loathing and he jerks himself into a sitting position, aggressively grabbing Jake’s collar in his fist as he hisses, “That was _my_ fault, English, and you fucking know it.”  
  
He couldn’t prevent the Batterwitch from murdering his brother, he could only hear stories about how he was a hero and then disappeared. He didn’t save Jake or Jane on Prospit. Then he let Jane die yet a-fucking-gain! And if that wasn't enough, he also killed off Brobot and caused Jake extreme anguish. His body starts shaking again but doesn’t let go of Jake’s shirt as his expression takes on pity in addition to the disgust he feels with himself. It was a good thing that he ruined his chances and buried his feelings because he sure as hell doesn't deserve Jake after the hurt Dirk caused him.  
  
Jake's eyes narrow as Dirk lets go of his shirt after a long moment. This is not cool and he's not even going to pretend to abide that. "You're so fucking arrogant sometimes, you know that?! YOU didn't squander my uranium, YOU weren't the one who felt that way for Brobot! I-if he was so worth it, I should've done something myself! I should have just told you everything, requested some uranium, and refused to take part in the game until you conceded, but what did I do?! I sat around feeling sorry for us and didn't do one goddamn thing to stop it!"  
  
It's his turn to haul Dirk up by the collar as he yells, "If Jane was all your fault, despite the fact that we were all present and just as occupied in the strife as you, then Brobot was solely my fault! By your logic, I BEGGED for him to leave me! St-stop this preposterous pity-party right now, Strider!"  
  
The fight drains out of Jake and he pulls his friend into a hug. It's just as much for himself as it is for Dirk. He hopes at the very least that his sentiments have been getting through to his stubborn, infuriating, and awesome buddy. "You're my best pal and I can't take seeing you so wrapped up in your dadblasted psyche that you forget we all have responsibilities. If you keep this up, I won't hesitate to clobber you into next week, you hear me?"  
  
Dirk is silent as Jake yells but when his friend’s arms wrap around him, he just sort of deflates and buries his face into Jake’s neck. It’s very un-Striderly and he’s glad that Dave or any of the other kids aren’t seeing him like this. Later he will probably regret displaying such weakness in front of one of his teammates, too, but right now this hug is something he needs. And the threat didn’t hurt either. “Sorry,” he mumbles into Jake’s skin.  
  
When he finally pulls away, Dirk looks less like a pathetic kicked puppy and more like his normal, straight-faced self, though more tired and somber than usual. “About everything,” he adds. “I’m not seeking out your pity or comfort or looking for your forgiveness by apologizing. I just want you to be aware that I realize the mistakes I’ve made. I’m sorry about them.”  
  
“I,” starts Dirk. He isn’t sure what he wants to say though. So he closes his mouth and regards Jake, thinking about how he would have felt in his friend’s position, if he had to kill the only person he had physical contact with for practically his entire life and was possibly romantically involved with. And then dealing with Jane’s death so shortly afterwards.  
  
Dirk was a little ashamed of himself for acting so pitiful while Jake remained sensible. Though he was thankful for the reality reminder.  
  
"Don't fret about blame or anything, alright?" Jake says, patting Dirk's shoulder and rubbing his own eyes just a little. He does manage a very small smile, though, if only because his friend seems to have properly dropped the self-loathing. "I'm not pleased with what happened either, but none of us saw it happen because all of us were in the same damned boat, metaphorically speaking. It's not all on you, it's on that Batterwitch person. She's the thing that killed Jane and all we can do now is stop her from taking anyone else."  
  
He gives Dirk's shoulder a little squeeze before letting go to make sure his pal has some space if he needs it. "Me and Roxy still need you and we're all three braving through these aggrievances together. In fact, those younger versions of our relatives have been here for a hearty amount of assistance. And unlike us, they're God Tiers! Jade even mentioned something about trolls they have around doing further backup."  
  
Sure, most of the time those other kids (and the trolls) are dealing with more behind-the-scenes setup to help combat the Batterwitch, but they're still there to help when they can. At the very least, they're always a wealth of information. They even have their own prototyped sprites with them, courtesy of Jade's manipulations.  
  
Jake’s continued comforting, which normally would be pretty fucking annoying to Dirk since he sort of wants to feel like shit, is actually surprisingly nice to listen to and doesn’t make him want to punch babies or himself. There’s something about Jake that just soothes his soul or something equally cliché. Whatever, the consoling works about as much as anything could and he’s mostly grateful.  
  
Dirk purses his lips and runs a hand through his hair with a sigh. “I have a feeling that we’re going to need more than four God Tiers humans and a handful of aliens to win this game.” There is still something that seems off. Like they really are being jerked around by the Batterwitch and that thing she's subordinate to. It is one of those weird moments of intuition and it sends chills down his spine. He needs to talk to Rose again, he thinks. It’s not his place as Prince of Heart (Destroyer of Soul) to be fortune telling.  
  
He’s about to thank Jake for helping him when Jade bursts into the room, eyes shining and ears perked.  
  
“Guys, guys, guess who’s back!” She shouts excitedly, a small bark escaping her lips, which makes her say “oops” with a small, embarrassed giggle. And then Dirk realizes that Roxy is behind Jane, mascara stains streaking her face— but even though she is crying, she’s also grinning like a cat.  
  
He didn’t even need Roxy to (drunkenly) yell, “JANEY WENT FUCKIN' GOB TIER!” As soon as he had seen her face, he knew, and had mindlessly grabbed Jake’s hand and squeezed the fuck out of it before their sloshed friend launched herself at them. Dirk’s allows himself a legitimate smile as the trio wraps each other up in a joyful hug.  
  
Jake squeezes the two of them tighter, feeling some tears of joy leak out. He's been holding in his distress but he doesn't feel quite so bad at letting his feelings out when relieved at Jane's laughing in the face of death. Dirk better be pleased as punch, too, considering he thought to put Jane on her Quest Bed regardless of it would work or not. He saved her life and now, barring certain situations, the heiress is now the immortal Maid of Life.  
  
"Sweet kicking Christ in a dirty diaper, YES!" He beams at his two friends as they enjoy their incredible group hug, longing to be reunited with the third again. "Looks like we'll be fixing that Batterwitch's wagon with our dear Jane back in the picture!"  
  
“Hell fucking yes,” Dirk replies, ruffling Jake’s hair. Roxy lays huge kisses on both of their faces, babbling her excitement and praising Dirk, which he cuts off by pulling her into his chest. It is definitely incredible that the Quest Bed worked but given Jane’s hero aspect, it sort of makes sense. And as happy as he is about Jane reaching God Tier, it doesn’t erase from his mind the sight of her dying in front of him. It was something he didn’t want praise for.  
  
But with the way things were going- with yet another near invincible kid- they might actually stand a chance in this fight.  
  
As the group continues hugging out their merriment, a little sound comes up. It's the sound of someone clearing their throat to get their attention. They all turn their attention to the source of the sound to see Jane, alive and garbed in a tan outfit with a green symbol that resembles growing plants.  
  
Roxy and Jake gladly pull her into their group hug without a word; it's not needed with the fact that Jane just came back from the dead, holy shit. Dirk offers her a small, almost imperceptible smile when she practically bumps into him at the momentum from the tugging to include her into the friendly embrace. The Maid of Life has finally arrived in person. For a brief moment, nothing hurts for the small group of buddies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this one looked suspiciously "murder the hypotenuse" about Jane. Still, I'm glad to announce she's the first God Tier in this story, though said story is so glossed over game-wise, don't imagine anything too epic.


	4. In which preparations are made to see the Cult again.

The younger versions of the guardians wanted to have a little liaison with their troll teammates to consult about the various preparations for creating the new universe, so the other kids were given an opportunity to explore their planets a little if they so wish. Jake used this opportunity to tell Dirk that they're going to apologize to that Chameleon cult, if they can, and hopefully find a way to make it up to them. Strider was a bit petulant about it, but he knew it was kind of a dick move in the first place and that they had their fun, so his resistance to the idea was more of a token gesture.  
  
Jake carefully lands the rocketboard- the "magical flame of Hope"- back in the lush bit of jungle near the Chameleon village that he and Dirk had explored together. This time, after Dirk dismounts the board, he helps to keep it stable so that English can manage a better one himself this time. He hops off of the board and lands without any tripping, faceplants, or crashing into any trees. It's almost adorable how proud he looks of that fact when he realizes it.  
  
He offers Dirk one of his damn charming grins and that just makes the Strider wonder if he's secretly figured out how much that one genial look can sway people. Either way, Jake has that goofy smile on his face as he asks, "So, Strider, ready for our sporting attempt at fixing our infamy and gaining some proper rapport?"  
  
The chipper reminder of why they returned to LOSAE turns any sort of stirrings of _not allowed_ feelings that Dirk might be experiencing into mild irritation. Brushing past Jake to recaptcha the rocketboard, he rolls his eyes behind his shades as he flatly says, “I find it ridiculous that you would you bother asking me if I am ready now. After you forcibly dragged my ass here.”  
  
It’s true that he doesn’t mind the idea of apologizing, but if he acts anything other than uncaring and exasperated with Jake he’ll feel like he isn’t doing his job proper. Plus he might still be a little bitter with the Chameleons for being so obnoxious about his appearance last time they were on this shitty planet. They sort of deserved the destruction of their derpish temple, but whatever. Dirk is willing do whatever Jake wants and he clearly wanted to smooth things over with the consorts, so that’s what they will do.  
  
“So, do you have a game plan for earning back the respect of these highly esteemed reptiles?” It is clear from his tone that he is being completely sarcastic about this situation. Willingness to do what Jake wants obviously does not include not being a douchebag. “I doubt we can just parade into the village making conciliatory Yoshi noises. After all, we know how sophisticated and discerning they are from their excellent taste in cinema.”  
  
"Honestly, I have no idea. That's why I stopped outside of their little commune. I was mulling over rocketboarding over to the temple, revealing my title, and attempting to... sort of haggle a truce of some sort? I'm open to suggestions to get rid of our reputation of ne'er-do-wells."  
  
“Ne'er-do-wells? Jake,” he begins with a sigh, rubbing his temples like he has gotten a headache from Jake’s antics.  
  
“Alright, you have blown this way out of proportion, due in part to, I’m sure, your weird old-school chivalric code or whatever. I know you think we are absolute fiends in their stereoscopic eyes but, bro. You do remember how they thought your cerulean babe poster collection was a harem, right? You might have liked to dream that they were actually animate when you made out with them, but, hopefully, we both realize that no amount of praying to Eywa could make that true in real life. They were just pieces of paper, but I’m pretty damn sure your consorts thought they were legit humans.” Dirk seems to realize that he’s been going on for a while. He just gets so carried away sometimes.  
  
“Anyway, my point is that we could feed your consorts any sort of horseshit and they’d eat it up.”  
  
"UGH. Strider, I'm not worried about the posters or movies. We trashed something they busted their butts on," Jake replies, looking a bit disappointed in the conversation. "Cripes. Do we always have to argue over something?"  
  
He feels a bit awful about this situation now. Maybe he should've just apologized on his own. Dirk's been so stressed about the game, they all have but Strider's particularly hard on himself, and Jake's starting to regret dragging him along for something as stupid as an apology like this anyway.  
  
“Probably,” Dirk smarmily replies but the look on his best friend’s face makes him decide to ease up on the asshole pedal. Sorta. “But your tone suggests you’re tired of it."  
  
He draws a little frowny face in the air before he says, ”Does that mean you are tired of me? Has our bromance gone stale, Jake?” He moves in close to the addressed boy, giving him a little playful nudge on the shoulder. See Jake, Dirk is really okay with all of this, he’s just acting like a dick because that’s how he is. “I thought we promised each other five-ever.”  
  
"No. I'm not tired of you," Jake says with a smile at the nudge. "You tend to be infuriating normally. I just prefer not having a spat like some married couple, bromantic as it could be construed."  
  
“Fine.” Dirk turns his head away dramatically before stating, “It’s not like I wanted to act like we’re married anyway, b-baka. You would make a terrible wife.” There’s a small smirk on his otherwise completely serious face.   
  
Jake chuckles at the over-dramatic little reaction to his comment. He holds his response that of course he wouldn't make a good wife since Dirk would be the wife of this ridiculous pairing. Maybe he can tease him later about that sort of thing.  
  
The adventurer takes a moment to mull over the situation a little more. Maybe he can use the rocketboard himself and apologize while Dirk can relax a while? That could work. "I can handle this baloney solo, if you'd like to just observe from a distance."  
  
Dirk tilts down his shades to give Jake a “hell no” look. “I don’t think so, Jake. I was the one who corrupted your honor system by encouraging you to participate in the beautifully ironic but rather impolite desecration of a temple. I’m coming.” To emphasize this, he pulls out the board and starts it up, shooing Jake onto it before stepping behind him. “Do you still have that bedspread?”  
  
"Thanks," Jake says, admittedly glad that Dirk does want to go and cooperate. He looks back just slightly to his friend and nods. He uncaptchalogues the soft green and white sheet with a small smile. He can't help it; the blanket is something that reminds him of his life before the game and some of the things he knows about his grandmother. "Right here, Strider."  
  
“Put it on,” Dirk orders, uncaptchaloging his own shroud and tying around his neck like a glorious lusus-covered cape. It was very princely of him— he just needed the puffy asshole pants and then no one would dare address him as anything other than “your highness.” Pft. “If we’re going to do this, we’re doing it in style.”  
  
Dirk figures there is pretty much no way that the Chameleons won’t flip their shits with excitement when they see Jake riding in on the “magical fire” wearing the “shroud of white animals” or what the fuck ever they stupidly titled the rocketboard and blanket. It should make an apology insanely simple.  
  
"Ha ha. Wow. You seriously kept yours, too?" Jake asks, snickering at Dirk's glorious new cape. He ties on his own sheet and dramatically flutters his eyelashes at his best bro. "Oh, you really do care."  
  
Before Dirk can manage some more sass at him, Jake begins piloting the rocketboard to the Chameleon village. Soon enough, they're winding up the large tree that has the temple nestled in it. He has to wonder what the Chameleons will think when they see the revealed Page of Hope and Prince of Heart before them, riding the magical flame of Hope. It sounds far more significant and impressive than two guys with sheet-capes, flying around on a rocketboard.  
  
Jake doesn’t have to wait long to see the consorts’ reactions because as soon as the board comes into range, the Chameleons’ swiveling eyes are on the Prince and the Page. Dirk nudges Jake off of the board once they are near the path, then dismounts to follow him in walking regally up the path, capes swirling around them.


	5. In which the Cult welcomes its Page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We added another chapter this time because, admittedly, Chapter 4 was all setup. Enjoy. c:

The consorts in the Cult of Living Pictures are struck dumb (dumber, Dirk thinks). Their normal, continuous nyums are completely forgotten as they stare in silence. Finally, one Chameleon that looks like the cultist that lead them through the temple before, opens his mouth wide to shout, “IT’S HIS HOPINESS AND HIS MAGICAL FLAME! I TOLD YOU GUYS IT WAS REAL. I TOLD YOU.”

There is a chorus of agreeing and excited nyums as they swarm around Jake. Then one of the other cultists suddenly seems to realize there are two humans and looks at Dirk. It stares for a good minute before it makes a nyum of shock and yells out, “The Page has brought along the infamous rainbow-colored sacred altar desecrator!” Well. That title is a bit of a disappointment.

All of the consorts go into a panicked frenzy of arguing about Dirk and running around him like lunatics (“Oh my god, what do we do?!?” “Someone grab him! HE’S ESCAPING.” “He looks weird without the puffy face!!” “We’ve got to pray to His Hopiness about this!” “Should we kill him?! IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED IN OUR RELIGION?!”).

Dirk just closes his eyes and counts to ten to keep from punting the nearest Chameleon out of the tree.

"Wait!" Jake says, speaking over the frantic Chameleons and stepping closer to Dirk. "He's not attempting to escape or anything!"

He wraps an arm around his friend's shoulders in demonstration. Hopefully, seeing the friendly embrace and that Dirk clearly isn't trying to run away will help the situation out. "See? We're best buds. He's my friend and the Prince of Heart. I've forgiven him already and we came here to make amends like some standup gents."

Dirk may or may not be giving Jake a simultaneously scathing and smug look beneath his shades as he is pulled into a hug. He hisses into Jake’s ear, “Actually, bro, I’m starting to rethink the whole best buds thing.” 

In either case, the consorts seem like they have accepted Jake’s defense of Dirk and are now thwacking him affectionately with their tongues with loud nyums of forgiveness. 

Dirk looks disgusted as he gets a slimy sticky tongue to the face. It quickly turns to seething anger as it is followed by about five more. Clenching his teeth, he growls, “Jake. If you have ever felt anything at all for me, call off your minions immediately.”

Jake laughs at the scene but places his hand in front of Dirk's face to protect him and receives a friendly tongue-thwapping on it from one of the Chameleons for his trouble. He can't tell whether he should look amused or as agitated as Dirk. Either way, he says, "Alright, fellas. Hey! Fellas, calm down."

The Chameleons simmer their enthusiasm and quit with all of the misguided affection for the time being. They attempt to look more serious and reverential for the sake of "His Hopiness" and that Prince guy. It doesn't really look much different from the default, they're just being a little less animated for the moment.

"No changing the rules now," the adventurer murmurs to Dirk in response to his earlier comment, a devilish grin on his face. "You can't rethink it. This bromance is five-ever and you're stuck with me."

Jake turns his gaze back to the consorts. They're watching him with twitchy and inquisitive eyes. "So, yeah, apologies for the malarkey last time. We kind of let our mischief get out of hand."

The consorts’ eyes go wide at Jake’s apology. One of them stammers out, “Your Hopiness! The Cult of Living Pictures worships all of your malarkey and mischief, even if it does end up trashing all of our hard work!”

Dirk would normally feel guilty at that except he still is too busy being filled with an intense dislike of the ridiculous creatures. They continue on with another saying, “We’re pretty much humbled that you even looked upon our Altars and took up our Shrouds in the first place!”

The others make little noises in agreement and one pipes up, “Shouldn’t we celebrate the arrival of the Page?”

“And the Prince,” Dirk reminds the Chameleons, but they ignore him as they begin to spastically make plans and order each other around to throw together a festival for Jake. One cultist runs to the center of the treetop village and starts making loud announcements to anyone in the vicinity about a party for the Page (“TELL. EVERYONE. EVERYONEEEE.”), while another nearly hyperventilates about food options (“CAN WE GET CRICKETS ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE?!”). Yet another has already (inexplicably) managed to acquire balloons, confetti, and streamers and sets about decorating the trees with a bright yellow paper party hat on his head.

Dirk sighs, knowing that there is basically no way that they will be able to leave before this celebration happens. He gives Jake a look like, “Why have you done this to me?” as a consort starts to push them towards the rocketboard with instructions to stay on the ground until the party was ready for them. Dirk considers the chance for escape while they are far away from the treetop, but Jake’s face when he starts to suggest this (the Chameleons couldn’t guilt him into feeling bad, but Jake sure could) makes him resign.


	6. In which the party becomes a clash of personality.

About an hour later, Dirk's look of despair and resignation is gone, replaced by a sly grin as he ironically sways his hips at Jake to some Chameleon jams. Consorts bounce all around the large platform in the village, dancing to the music, frequenting tables filled with assortments of bugs, and running over to Dirk and Jake to pay their respects. “You gonna be a wallflower the whole time, English? What a lame deity you are.”

"I can try," Jake admits with a flustered little shrug. "Erm. I've never really tried dancing. I mean, I've never really tried it in any serious way."

It's not as if Jake's ever had a social setting to ever feel the need to attempt dancing. He's seen all sorts of dancing because of his love of cinema, but seeing and actually doing it are two wildly different things. The adventurer glances at some of the dancing reptilian consorts in a curious observation, then back to Dirk.

Maybe he should try to dance? No matter how bad he is at it, the Chameleons probably won't call him out out on it. They might even try to teach him a bit. Dirk, on the other hand... His reaction to Jake's efforts could go anywhere from being helpful to being a total shitmuncher.

“I’m fairly sure my experience with dancing is as limited as yours, bro.” Dirk replies, trying to shoo away Jake’s shyness. The isolation caused by living in a dystopian future meant that grooving never really felt particularly appropriate. Plus, obviously, there was the matter of lacking a partner. 

Regardless, it looks like he’s leaning more towards helpful now. Dirk certainly wasn’t about to judge Jake even if he was a complete derp on the dancefloor. They were surrounded by Chameleons anyway and their dance style was just spasming in place, flicking their tongues out. “I figure it can’t be that different from fighting. Just don’t punch me while we’re getting down and we’ll be awesome.”

At that, he playfully swishes his ass again to joke Jake into a more relaxed mood. The tribal-like beats that the Chameleons made were perfect for ridiculous booty quaking but Dirk figured Jake would be more interested in classier dancing, like what he might have seen in his movies. Dirk daintily presents his hand to Jake with a snarky smile. “Page. It is the wish of your Prince that you will join him in a dance.”

"Right-o, Prince Dirk." Jake rolls his eyes at that line but grins all the same. He's about to dance with Dirk and a bunch of Chameleons that treat him like some sort of god. How crazy is that? Roxy will laugh her ass off when this story is related back to her.

He accepts Dirk's hand and... Honestly, he's not sure of what sort of dance he should do. A lot of ones in movies that involve a partner tend to be ridiculously choreographed or very close and romantic. Dirk's probably going to laugh or something, but Jake pulls him just a little closer so there's only an appropriate distance between them. He holds up the offered hand to one side and places his other hand on Dirk's hip. He's pretty sure the default position is like this.

Some of the Chameleons briefly note that the Page of Hope is finally getting into the dance part of the festivities. They're all too busy dancing and feasting to make some sort of spectacle about the fact, but a little extra energy is being thrown into the celebration in response. The Page is really getting into the spirit of this celebration thrown in his honor and that itself is an honor.

Dirk notices, with a raised eyebrow, that Jake has put him in the old-fashioned "woman’s position" in the dance. Dirk doesn't tend to be a passive type, so this isn't a position he entirely appreciates. He doesn’t say anything about this, but he sort of purses his lips together and starts to think of ways to emasculate Jake in the future for revenge as he rests his free hand on Jake’s shoulder. Well. This is interesting. This might be the physically closest he’s ever been to his best bro without being in a fight or hug; it’s sort of weird to be actively staring at Jake at such a small distance. 

A part of Dirk wants to look shyly to the ground like a blushing virgin or some shit. The rest of him is like, “Hell fucking no, we’ve been robbed of our testosterone enough today.” So even though he is supposed to be passive in this dance, he’s pushing Jake along into something that might sort of resemble a box step. The problem is that the music is completely inappropriate for this kind of dancing and neither of them can figure out a rhythm to move. But one of the consorts in the band notices them and shouts at his fellow musicians to play slower.

It helps; Dirk can keep a good one-two-three count going in his head with this rhythm. He decides that Jake can have the reins of this dance back and stops guiding him around with a little challenging smile, daring Jake to lead as well as he did.

Jake returns the smile easily and manages to transition into leading fairly well. Someone was obviously being observant. He's actually sort of tempted to ask the Chameleons if they know the song "How Do I Live" since that would be a spiffing song to dance to. Con Air is so rad. The song would be too romantic for the situation, but this is all in good fun anyway and Dirk's being a great sport.

The whole thing is pretty nice, Dirk has to admit. He isn’t sure if he’s enjoying himself because fake-waltzing is surprisingly entertaining or because he’s with Jake or both but he’s really doing his best to not think about any sort of romantic implications of this whole thing. Can’t two best bros slow dance together without it being the yaois? God dammit. 

But seriously, having Jake this close is really testing the success of Operation Stop Being Interested In Jake, code name: Romance to Bromance. Dirk keeps finding himself staring into those green eyes; he has to remind himself not to stare at Jake’s lips. Those feelings are gone— or, well, they are buried in a 100 foot deep hole that has been filled with concrete and then covered with a set of titanium bars and also a house. Dirk would really like them to stay that way, but it’s difficult when they are busy reenacting the ballroom scene from Beauty and the Beast. Nope nope nope, hell no he did not just make another allusion to a Disney movie, that did not just happen.

As they continue dancing, Jake does end up noticing Dirk's earlier observation of how close they are, since it's not a difficult thing to really pick up on after a while. Sure, they're dancing with a respectable gap between them out of friendliness and to be polite in general but it kind of keeps their attention mostly on each other; he can even sort of discern Dirk's eyes through the pointy shades. Those sorts of details have Jake being the one to shyly glance away, despite not exactly fitting the blushing virgin stereotype. Well, he doesn't really fit the virgin bit of the description at least, though his cheeks might be heating up ever so slightly. He's just really excited about his first dance, that's all.

When Dirk stops being lost in thought about how he would definitely be Belle and actually looks at Jake again, he is taken aback by the sudden coyness and blush spreading over Jake’s face. In his surprise, he loses his beat count and immediately starts stepping on his partner’s feet. “Fuck,” he growls, trying to regain the rhythm, now also blushing slightly. How is it so easy to keep a beat while rapping but so difficult to do so while dancing?

Jake's reaction is a grunt of surprise when Dirk's foot lands on his own. He moves his feet to try to fix the issue after his friend quickly moves his own in embarrassment. Still, it's not a huge deal, just an unintentional little misstep. The adventurer offers a little shrug and a squeeze to Dirk's hand to show him that it's cool.

The blush faded from Jake's face at least, so maybe that's a good sign that if some romantic leaning was cropping up, it's been a bit displaced for the time being. Of course, Jake hasn't been directly thinking of it that way, but that's probably not too obvious. He's been very specifically avoiding thoughts like that of anyone, since he's still dealing with his parting from Brobot. Sure, it was only a relationship for one day but he felt that they seriously bonded and it was hard to have something like that taken away by Brobot's life coming to an end. Jake would never forgive himself if he disregarded what might've been his first love so quickly.

He mentally notes that Dirk still looks like he's fretting over the little bit of clumsiness. That's just silly to do. The adventurer sways a little, making his best bro do so as well, to catch his attention. "Hold fast, Dirk. We need to show these ladies and chaps how dancing is done."

At least, he assumes some of the Chameleons are ladies. It's not exactly easy for him to tell and he'd much rather not try to. It'd probably lead to making some major awkwardness.

“I’m not sure we’re the most qualified people to do that, but fine,” Dirk replies, following Jake’s lead as he starts to spin them around the floor. If he focuses on their footwork then he doesn’t think about the fact that it is the boy he was in love with for over three years that he is dancing with, so he’s grateful for the increased complexity.

Jake is rather good at this, which Dirk isn’t really surprised by since he’s fairly sure his friend must have picked up moves from his extensive film watching, but it is still something he hadn’t known about Jake. To Strider, the adventurer seems to have transferred his usual oblivious confidence into dancing. In fact, he has to roll his eyes when Jake starts twirling him under his arm and doing little flourishes that make the Chameleons around stop and stare.

"Poppycock. We're very qualified as far as I can tell. They're all even beginning to rubberneck, so we must be doing something fucking brilliant," Jake replies with a chuckle. Things are actually going very well so far, now that Dirk's head isn't in the clouds. This whole dancing thing isn't so bad, especially with a bully partner.

For the most part, Dirk is okay with all of the moves Jake keeps trying. It’s fine; his masculinity, though plummeting, is not completely compromised yet. So long as Jake doesn’t try a dip, he would be cool.

On cue, as if English can read Dirk's mind or use some other ridiculous talent to discern his current thoughts, the adventurer commences with a dip. One of those charming grins throws off the so-called master of irony as he's held and Jake teasingly asks, "So, where's all of that Strider swag I've had so much hear tell of?"

The Chameleons that are observing begin to murmur excitedly, unbeknownst to the two humans. They're getting a kick out of the Page and Prince's antics. From their point of view, it's only to be expected that the Page of Hope can be such a charmer. Boy, is he awesome.

As his mangrit waves goodbye, Dirk starts scowling at the fancy old-timey dancing asshole. He figures that the combination of being dipped and challenged was enough to warrant some revenge in the form of making Jake hella uncomfortable. As he gets pulled back up, he moves his mouth close to Jake’s ear and murmurs, “I’m not sure you can handle it. But if you want my swag, then you’ve got to step onto my turf, bro.” 

Dirk looks pointedly at the Chameleon band and they start up one of their thumpier, fast beats since it looks like their new favorite couple has changed their dance style. They look particularly intrigued with Dirk, who is pulling Jake towards his body with an arm around his partner’s neck. Their Page might be the greatest and most charming but the Prince is definitely sort of mesmerizing. 

“They don’t call me the Prince of Heart for nothing.” Strider starts rolling his hips dangerously close to Jake’s with a smug half-smile. “This ain’t no Jane Austen novel no more, Jake.”

"Uh..." Jake's face turns bright red at the new style of dancing introduced by Dirk, his expression beginning to resemble a puppy exhibiting confusion over being kicked. The sight Dirk's making certainly is a mesmerizing sort, but it's understandably weirdly intimate. It's not as if he's entirely ignorant of that sort of dancing but he didn't expect it. What was wrong with how they were dancing? He moves his hips away a bit, still blushing like crazy at Dirk's choice of dance.

Meanwhile, the Chameleons are still watching attentively as the intrigue unfolds. Obviously, at least from their limited grasp of the situation, the Prince is being very straightforward with his attraction and their poor shy Page is conflicted, seeing as how he's leaning away but is also turning a presumably more attractive color in response to the advances. The Page is probably caught off guard by the very obvious and public courtship display. Humans must be more subtle when it comes to displays... or perhaps there's a rival for the Page's affections? This is all so interesting, not to mention possibly scandalous!

Dirk is unable to continue the booty shaking for much longer due to laughing raucously at poor Jake’s ridiculously flustered expression. He gives himself a mental pat on the back and gloats in his victory over the forces of emasculating derpdom. Keep blushing, Jake. The timid bishie look is good on you.

“I warned you about the swag, bro,” he finally manages to spit out through the chuckles. “I told you, Jake.”

Now the consorts are confused. What could the Prince have found so hilarious? What is this so-called “swag”? The Page is still that really nice and vibrant shade but he looks less shy now! Maybe he has given into the courtship of the Prince and the overwhelming joy has sent the highness into hysterics.

"Bro, if that's effective swag, then it's frigging opposite day," Jake says, crossing his arms in a huff. The flush to his skin is maintaining if only out of severe agitation for the moment. He'll get over it quickly since he admittedly has a soft spot for his friends, Dirk in particular since they're bros and being stupid together is a given.

The consorts are still immensely perplexed over the situation. The Page looks more annoyed than accepting. Shouldn't they be embracing? Maybe giving affectionate licks to one another? This is just so confusing and humans are weird!

Aw, Jake is grumpy now, how cute. Dirk’s mangrit seems to be returning in a direct correlation to his friend’s annoyance, thank god. He gives Jake a little bump, still snickering at the frown on his goofy face. Peering over his shades, he slyly says, “I think you’re just mad because it was super effective and now your tender psyche is totally wrecked.”

Jake looks like he wants to start protesting, but Dirk is waving his hands at him to keep him quiet as he continues being an ass. “Sorry about that, dude. But seriously, it’s nothing to worry about. You aren’t the first to fall victim to my swag. In fact, I was wondering when it would finally happen for you since everyone else has already expressed their desire for a piece of my sexily oscillating ass.”

A wave of murmuring goes through the surrounding consorts at that. The Prince apparently has a bunch of suitors?! Oh no!

And yet he pursues the Page over all of them. Well, duh, His Hopiness is the greatest. This must be true love for the Prince. Does our Page see that? Is he going to break the Prince’s heart? This is all too dramatic! A couple of the Chameleons have started to cry.

"I guess 'falling victim' to it could be an appropriate term," Jake replies, looking unimpressed with the conversation now that he's calmed down a little. The flush is quickly fading. "If I must brag, I'm clearly more of a romantic."

Dirk rolls his eyes at the bragging, still smirking. “Hate to break it to you, Jake, but romance is painfully outdated. And it’s for complete suckers.”

Jake scoffs but decides to take a moment to look around at the Chameleons. What the hell are they spazzing over? "Jeez. I think you've traumatized the consorts."

At the mention of the little reptiles, Dirk also looks around and finds at least a dozen bawling and others frantically nyuming at each other or just staring at the Page and Prince with wide swirly eyes, distraught expressions on their derpy green faces. One of them rolls on the ground, softly crying about a ship or something. 

“The hell?” He questions intelligently, looking back to Jake. It couldn’t have been the dirty dancing. That shit was sexy as fuck, screw whatever Jake thinks. Maybe they sad about the bickering going on? Who knows. 

Dirk shrugs at Jake and sighs, “It does indeed seem that I have upset your consorts once again, Page. Are you going to make me grovel? Should I formally apologize for being too hot for my own good? I’m open to suggestions here.”

"I don't think so?" Jake shrugs in return and says, "It wasn't even that bad on the hijink scale, just awkward." Sure, he had been agitated quite a bit, but it was all in good fun.

Seeing all of that distress and disappointment is weird, though. Have Dirk and Jake gravely insulted their customs or something? It looks like time for a little more damage control. "Sorry for the scene. We were just messing around. I assure you, we're not fighting or trying to make a spectacle."

The adventurer gives a nearby weepy Chameleon a friendly pap on the head and looks around at the other consorts as he asks, "How about we kick off this party again? Any way we can make that commence?"

The tear-covered and mournful faces of the reptiles light up a bit at their Page’s apparent enthusiasm for more dancing and fun, which means that maybe the courtship can continue! Consorts start whispering at each other conspiratorially. How can they help? The Page is far too shy for His Highness’ courting techniques... maybe more dancing like they first did? He seemed to like that! But they had to set this up right. An idea pops into the head of one of the cultists and spreads through the crowd of Chameleons like wildfire, reaching the musicians with hopeful nyums.

The band agrees and nyums excitedly in response, as the weepy consort that Jake just papped gives the Page a gentle headbutt towards Dirk. A different Chameleon tries to do the same to Strider but is unable to budge the human at all. Dirk raises an eyebrow as the poor reptile ineffectually shoving against his legs whispers desperately, “Prince! Do His Hopiness’ spinny dance! We will help!”

He looks at Jake and says flatly, “Apparently they want more of your ‘spinny’ dancing. Their words, not mine.” In resignation, Dirk hold out his hand to Jake as the opening strains of a weirdly familiar song start up.

Why, whatever could this song be?

Dirk can’t stop the groan from escaping his lips as he finally places the horrific synth keyboard and metronome-like drum machine. Why the fuck do Chameleons even know 90's pop songs? Oh right, because their entire culture is based off of a teenage boy’s hideously shitty movie collection that, who would have guessed, includes a shlocky action flick from the 90's starring Nic Cage and prominently featuring a LeAnn Rimes song covered by Trisha Yearwood.

He looks at Jake, inscrutable.


	7. In which Jake hears his jam.

Jake can't contain his excitement that the Chameleons have also been exposed to Con Air after all and even learned to play "How Do I Live" just as he hoped they would. Those magnificent reptiles! Too bad if Dirk's reluctant to dance with him on this one because of one very important fact that Jake's more than happy to point out as he gets into dancing position. "This is what you might call my jam, Strider."

Still, he does at least take the passive position when getting ready to dance, since maybe Dirk will be more willing to if he can take the lead. The adventurer is far more excited about being able to dance to such an awesome song than caring about who's in charge during it. He does jokingly waggle his eyebrows at Strider, but that's about as much as any sass comes into play for the time being.

The Chameleons continue their plotting amongst each other to aid the Prince in his romantic endeavors. They watch as the humans take position to begin the spinny dancing. The Prince doesn't seem too enthused, but he's probably feeling a bit hesitant from the Page's shyness and not being able to court more blatantly. Fortunately, he has an entire village of reptilian consorts rooting for him in the quest to win over His Hopiness.

Both Jake’s extremely obvious excitement and the knowledge that the consorts seem to be plotting to get them together (he’s figured out that is definitely what is happening and he’s not entirely sure how to feel about it) encourage Dirk to wrap his arm around Jake’s waist and start slowly swaying them around the platform.

Jake looks so freaking happy about dancing to this song and it is way too difficult to remain stoic when confronted with that goofy overbite up close, so Dirk’s face slips into a completely unironically affectionate grin. Damn this boy for being such a lovable derp. Dancing with Jake is making him actually start enjoying the song. Now he will forever conflate “How Do I Live” with his best bro. He supposes it could be worse, and decides to get into "Jake's jam" by crooning along (completely out of tune) as he spins and twirls Jake under his arm. “Without you, there’d be no sun in my sky.~”

Jake gives a jubilant laugh at Dirk's willingness to get into the dance with him and even sing. His grin looks even brighter when he's back to facing his best bro, his free hand resting back on Dirk's shoulder as they continue to dance. This celebration is turning more and more awesome.

The consorts kick their feet in excitement. Yes! Look how happy they are! The Prince is even SERENADING the Page! Holy shit! Everyone is papping each other with their tongues (Chameleon high-fives) and making the most joyful nyums. Several grab a Chameleon friend for a partner and try to imitate the Prince and the Page, following them around the dancefloor.

As the Chameleons either follow their lead in the dance or continue congratulating themselves, Jake begins to realize what's going on. They want for him and Dirk to share some sort of a tender moment together. Maybe it's a presumptuous thing to think that's their aim in this, but he is having fun despite that and he'd be lying to himself not to think that he does feel a pleasant spark at this dancing and partying, even with the teasing between them and the consorts' earlier group distress.

Another blush shows up on Jake's goofy face, causing him to glance away again. It's sort of frustrating, feeling something at such an inopportune time and the rest of him reacting to it. Well, not all of him, thankfully, because that would be just weird in this situation. Still, the two of them are dancing with a romantic song that happens to be from one of his favorite movies and Dirk's even serenading. He's not singing it well, but that sort of makes it more endearing.

“If you ever leave.~” Strider is super dedicated to crappily singing the song all the way through. He’s giving this shit 110% and Jake had damn well better find it endearing. “Baby, you would take away everything, need you with me...~”

Of course, now Dirk notices the renewed blush and the way Jake is avoiding eye-contact again and isn’t really sure what he should do or feel about it. Maybe he should accidentally on-purpose step on Jake's feet since that seemed to get rid of the shyness last time.

At the same time, Dirk really doesn’t want to distract Jake from this because it’s causing a strange bubbling of hope down at the bottom of the pit in his heart where his buried affections lie. Part of him definitely wants it to stop— he’s reading way too much into Jake’s body language right now and he doesn’t want to think about feelings or anything like that— but it’s seriously difficult when it looks like Jake might be harboring some thoughts and feelings of his own, romantic or conflicted or otherwise. No, no, no. This is not cool. He’s just going to focus on singing these stupid (stupidly romantic wait no) lyrics in his shitty voice and ignore whatever Jake might be doing with his face, be it blushing or smiling or anything else.

For a little while, English attempts to simply enjoy the sound of the music and even Dirk's singing. On the other hand, he attempts to ignore the warmth of his face and of the arm on his waist, not to mention his stupid heart fluttering and the Chameleons watching with pride and investment at the way things are unwinding. What the fuck? Despite all of that, he's enjoying it anyway and what's not to like in a break from the pain and drama usually in the game?

“Baby, don’t you know that you’re everything good in my life?~” Dirk gives Jake’s waist a small squeeze, maybe because he feels like these lyrics kind of are speaking his (DEFINITELY NONEXISTANT) feelings but mostly because it’s the big finale sort of part now and he wants Jake’s attention and possibly for him to join in.

Managing to really concentrate on the song by this point, Jake chuckles at the awkward singing, but the squeeze to his waist does have him looking straight-on at Dirk again with a small smile. Despite still blushing and that he thinks their eyes are meeting despite the dark pointy shades, he begins to sing along just like Dirk wanted. "And tell me now. How do I live without you? I want to know...~"

“How do I breathe without you? If you ever go...~” Dirk has pretty much stopped trying to lead them anywhere in a dance because it was too difficult to sing, twirl, and not think about Jake romantically all at once. So the two best friends just stand and sway, Dirk holding Jake’s hand possibly even tighter as he attempts to harmonize with Jake’s singing and fails.

“How do I ever, ever survive?~” Dirk is definitely staring right into his bro’s eyes while he is singing these lyrics and Jesus Christ, they are so beautiful and green. He vaguely wonders if they are standing out more because they are complimentary to the red flush on his cheeks. That is a stupid thing to think about though so he stops and tries not to get invested in the fact that Jake is using those glorious peepers to stare right at him while singing this really awesome (woah wait when did he decide it was awesome?) song.

“How do I, how do I.~” He resists the urge to pull Jake closer, even though it feels like the right thing to do. If this were one of Jake’s lamer chick flicks he definitely would have done it and probably also would have slowly moved in for a passionate kiss, but this isn’t a movie (even if they are singing a song from one) and somehow Dirk manages to stay strong against the impulse. “Oh, how do I live?”

Jake feels the same sort of temptation to move in for a kiss and that gives him a painful little pang to his chest. He can't do something like that, not right now. Instead, he gives Dirk a little hug, resting a warm cheek against the other boy's. Even that's probably too much, but he feels like he needs to do something at the very least. "That was smashing. Thanks."

The consorts are all still watching, probably hoping for more between their favorite new couple. It's not going to happen, though, not while Jake is trying to grieve Brobot. The Chameleons don't know that and he'd much rather not make more people privy to the sensitive subject. He's not even sure how the Chameleons would react to the loss of a mate or something; surely they'd be sad as well, but he's not sure what the mourning period is or if it's socially acceptable to ever find another.

Dirk coughs a little when Jake pulls away, suddenly noticing the way his heart is galloping from that sweet little gesture and the way Jake’s face felt so warm and soft against his own. It was about the best thing that had ever happened to him and they didn’t even kiss. He really hopes he’s not blushing as he looks away and murmurs, “Uh, yeah. No problem.”

He turns around and starts to look around for something to distract him from the threatening resurgence of his feelings for certain adventurers. His eyes lay on the clock in the shades and- oh would you look at the time- they should probably head back to the rest of the group and see what the plans are.

“I believe it is about time for us to leave,” Dirk says, still not facing Jake. He’s feeling a little more in control of himself now though, with the reality check that was the looming fight for the creation of a new universe. This little side trip was a really wonderful and much needed distraction, but now it’s time to snap back to business mode because shit is going to get serious.

"Yeah. It's probably time to skedaddle," Jake agrees with a small nod.

Dirk finally turns to Jake and puts a hand on his shoulder as he takes the rocketboard out, figuring they can impress the Chameleons one last time before they leave LOSAE. One of the cultists wanders over and paps Dirk with its tongue to get his attention before it says in a timid voice, “Your Highness, please take care of our Page...”

Said Page grins and holds back a snicker at the Chameleon's request to Dirk. That's kind of really freaking adorable. He'd like to think he can protect himself just fine, but it's a nice sentiment and stubbornly refusing anyone's help during the game would practically be suicide.

This request brought back some somewhat painful memories of Dirk's last conversations with Brobot, but he still bends over to pet the little reptile on the head. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him safe,” he replies. All the consorts sigh and nyum contentedly at that sappy statement. Even if they didn’t get to see the courtship come to fruition, they were all proud that they helped move it along.

The Chameleons nyum more excitedly when Jake waves goodbye as he and Dirk step onto the rocketboard. As much as they wanted for there to be some sweeping romance, similar to Jake's movie collection, that will just have to wait. For now, they'll have to settle for a ride into the sunset.

He has to finally turn his attention from the friendly little reptiles as the rocketboard blasts away from the planet. It's time to go back to reality or, more accurately, the harsher part of it. He can only hope that Jane and Roxy were able to find some way to unwind wherever they decided to spend their breaks from the action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man. This is one of my favorite chapters from the Sburb session part of the rp. I hope you guys enjoyed it, too.


	8. In which Dirk reminisces and changes.

It turns out that the “whatever it takes” Dirk promised the Chameleons included dying.  
  
It isn’t really that much of a surprise, to be in the process of losing his life, but it is more painful than he expected. And messier. The blood is kind of overwhelming, staining his shirt and hands and everything a rusty red. He imagines he can feel it oozing out of the gash in his stomach, slowly seeping out his life as it drips and smears and spreads. Sick.  
  
Dirk is prepared for this, though. An earlier private conversation with Rose essentially informed him that he _needed_ to die for the sake of his team. The powers afforded by reaching God Tier as Prince of Heart were immensely important to their success. He would be powerful offensive support as the aptly titled Destroyer of Souls, even with those stupid puffy pants. One might even say that he wrought this fatal injury upon himself, but that would imply that he purposefully got stabbed by the Batterwitch and that wasn’t the case. It would have been nice to have killed her first, since her arrogant strategy appears to be coming right the fuck out of nowhere to cut them down one by one, but oh well. They'll certainly strike before she gets another chance, he'll make sure of it.  
  
Man that is an impressive amount of blood. How much longer until he passes out? He kind of hopes it’s soon because it hurts a lot to be walking, even with the supportive arm wrapped around his chest. Speaking of that, Dirk turns his head to look at his helper’s face and weakly says, “Sup, Jake?”  
  
"No running your mouth, Dirk," Jake replies, fretting and trying to keep pressure on the wound with one hand while he supports the injured Strider with the other. "Concentrate on staying alive. W-we're almost there."  
  
In fact, the Quest Bed is in view. As cool is it is to traverse the Land of Beat and Strings, Jake doesn't want for his friend to die. He's not sure if Dirk can just drop dead wherever he happens to while still being able to resurrect on the Quest Bed and that's not a risk they're willing to take. Jake helps his friend lay down on the slab, wincing sympathetically at the grunts of pain from having to move so much.  
  
Dirk weakly sighs with relief when he lays down and no longer has to move. He feels a comforting hand grasp his own. Jake's obviously the owner of said hand and he unfortunately has tears in his eyes. He gently squeezes Dirk's hand to get his attention and says, "Promise you'll come back."  
  
Dirk can't help but hazily note that it's not a request even in the slightest. He reaches up and pulls off his shades, wincing slightly at moving but he really thinks it would be stupid to have them on right now. Besides, he wants to look at Jake without any obstruction to his vision. Dirk actually sighs when he looks at the other boy, his brain churning through thoughts about how incredibly handsome Jake is, even with blood and dirt all over and those beautiful stupid teeth and messy cowlicks. All of his staring means that he spots the water filling up his best friend’s eyes; it makes him feel so sorry about putting Jake through this. How many times is he going to do it? Brobot, Jane, now himself. The least he can do is make the promise.  
  
“J-Jake,” he starts seriously. His voice sounds so weird right now, like he’s talking into a tin can, and he isn’t sure if it’s his hearing or his vocal chords or what that is making it sound like that. “I’m coming back. There’s... nothing in any f-f-fucking universe that could keep me from... returning to my friends. To you.”  
  
The adventurer manages a smile when Dirk says he'll come back. He's guaranteed to as far as Jake knows, given that he's dying on his Quest Bed and still has a viable dream self. Still, it puts him at ease to hear from Dirk that he'll come back, unlike Brobot, and there shouldn't be a chance for doubt about it, unlike Jane. He blinks away the tears as best as he can, not wanting to let go of Dirk's hand for anything. He concentrates on the bright orange eyes that are almost always hidden from his view to try to give himself a distraction. It's an eye-catching color, no pun intended.  
  
It hurts a little to speak and Dirk can’t really process what he is saying; it probably sounds histrionic and tool-ish, but all he wants is to just talk to Jake until he can’t anymore. Death is a little frightening, even with his rebirth a given but it helps to know Jake is there, talking him through it. He tightens his grip on the hand in his own as much as he can— a weak squeeze. “God, you are so...”  
  
So what? Beautiful? Perfect? Wonderful? He tries to figure out what he wants to add but can’t. “’M sorry, Jake.” He’s not sure if he’s apologizing for not finishing the sentence or for dying or for Brobot or for everything. Probably everything.  
  
It gets Jake's dander up when Dirk insists on always apologizing for everything, but he doesn't want to argue with someone that's basically on their deathbed in several weird definitions. He doesn't want that to be the last thing Dirk remembers, even if it's only temporarily that way. Instead, he nods in acceptance of the apology to please his dear friend.  
  
“Hey, ’mmber when we first met? On... Pesterchum 'cause of the... alien of ours, but I lied, said it was a random connect...?" Ugh, Dirk is going to go through every death cliché possible, he knows it. For some reason, he doesn't really care. (Maybe because he's dying.)  
  
"I-I thought you were trollin’ me because you k-kept using those goddamn turn-of-the-century colloc... colloquialisms. We were only...” He trails off trying to think how old they were when they first talked online. He knows that he has the information tucked away, the number of days he’s known Jake, but his brain is all foggy. He isn’t sure if Jake would even remember that day anyway.  
  
"Ha ha... I-I remember that," Jake replies, proving Dirk wrong. He doesn't remember when exactly it had been, but he remembers most of the conversation itself. "You told me... that I type like a goddamn tool. You got me very flustered and up in arms with that one."  
  
Dirk snorts out a laugh, remembering how Jake started ranting away at him. He’s pretty sure that by the time Jake had finished angrily spewing his bastardized turns of phrase, he had already fallen half in love with the derp.  
  
But holy shit laughing hurts. A small cry escapes his lips and everything spins for a long minute. His hand shakes in Jake’s grip. Jake looks distraught and worried, like he wants to help and knows he can’t. The urge to smooth out the lines in Jake’s forehead and between his eyebrows is annoying, especially since Dirk doesn’t think he can lift his arm.  
  
“’M... fine,” he says to try to appease his friend, teeth clenched against the pain, breathing shallow. Then he thinks about what he just said and grins weakly.  
  
“Gimme a s-sec to get... back. S’your turn... tell me about a memory.” Dirk isn’t entirely sure that his sentences are making much sense, but as long as they get Jake responding, he doesn’t care. He just wants to listen to that warm accent.  
  
"I remember when I first told you of my living conditions on the island, since you were always nosy about it," Jake says with a fond smile. "I figured you wouldn't believe I was all alone. Everyone else up to that point thought I was giving them a load of horseshit. You believed me."  
  
He removes one of his own hands from Dirk's for a brief moment, brushing some hair out of his dying friend's face. That task done, he commences with holding Dirk's hand, enveloping it in both of his. "I thought, 'he's either someone gullible or fucking amazing' and I already knew it wasn't the former."  
  
Dirk's grin grows, then wavers as everything starts going fuzzy and dark. No no, not yet. He doesn’t want to not be able to see Jake. Blinking his eyes, trying to get them to refocus, he says, “You b-believed me when I told you about... my bro. When we started talking... to Jane and you met Roxy, too, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.”  
  
The dying boy takes a shallow raspy breath, but it is the deepest inhale he can manage right now. “I’ve wanted...” To kiss you since I first saw you. To tell you I love you. To go on adventures and watch movies and dance and hold hands but not in the game, in real life— as boyfriends or lovers or partners or whatever— forever. He can’t say those though, so instead he flexes his fingers in Jake’s hand and says, “I- can I touch your face?”  
  
Dirk gives a little trembling cough-laugh at himself then hoarsely spits out, “Jesus, what a fuckin'... creepy thing to say. Whatever, you can’t hold me to my w-words right now, okay Jake? I don’t even know what...”  
  
"Don't worry about it," Jake replies, holding Dirk's hand up and pressing it gently to his own cheek. The hand is getting a bit cold; probably a combination of blood-loss and shock. Dirk's eyes are looking more unfocused, so he's not sure if his friend can tell that Jake really accepted his request. "You're touching me."  
  
Dirk's eyes start to drift close, but he forces them to reopen. “Just. Keep talking... please.”  
  
He stares into Jake’s eyes, so glad that this is how he’s going to kick it because no one else could have made him feel so calm and content. “‘Bout the... future, m-maybe.”  
  
Jake manages another smile when Dirk brings up the new subject. That's one he wouldn't mind thinking of. He says, "When this game is over and things have settled back down, I want to see you. I want to see everyone at some point, but we've been through so much shit together. We can watch some movies we both enjoy and explore Houston- just the two of us."  
  
He continues on with small laugh as he says, "It'll be the best adventure I've taken part in. I'll finally see the genuine article of the world past that blasted island I've always lived on and you'll be right there to help me make some fucking sense of it all."  
  
Dirk thinks he smiles but he’s too exhausted to tell. The pain has just become a dull throbbing sensation, one that he can barely process because his brain is too full of static. Mostly, he feels like nothing, limbless and floating, except where his hand is pressed against Jake’s face. There is warmth there that he manages to process but barely. He can’t feel the texture of Jake’s skin, which is disappointing but at least the heat is comforting.  
  
“Of... course. I-I,” he wants to make a joke, say that even he wouldn’t dare release Jake on an unsuspecting civilization without a damn good handler, meaning himself, of course. But it is way too much effort and working his mouth feels like trying to slog through mud. Dirk just wants to sleep.  
  
He looks at Jake one last time, doing his best to see past the hazy darkness creeping into his vision. No part of him wanted to leave his best friend like this. Even the short amount of time Dirk would be gone was far too long to for him to be away from Jake. He murmurs that he’s going to close his eyes for a bit but there is no way for him to know if what he said was actually audible or intelligible because he can’t think of anything anymore. There's a final raspy breath and then his chest stops moving.  
  
Jake quietly watches as Dirk closes his eyes and appears to stop breathing. He's so tempted to reach over and push his friend's chest to try to get his heart and lungs going again. It wouldn't be any use, though, not with the puddle of blood spread out under Dirk, and prolonging things would only hurt them both. Jake quietly reminds himself that Dirk will come back; he promised and there's no reason that he shouldn't.  
  
Dirk's hand is limp in his own and painfully cold. Jake gently rests it on Dirk's chest, carefully letting go so that the Quest Bed can do its thing. He wipes away some tears as he watches his friend's life come to a quiet end during his unconsciousness. "S-Strider..."  
  
"Don't go where I can't follow... Wake up." He's so sure that if Dirk can somehow hear him, wherever he is while this whole resurrection thing is going on, he'll probably give Jake no end of shit for accidentally quoting a movie.  
  
Luckily for Jake, there’s no way for Dirk to know that his best friend totally just threw a Lord of the Rings quote at his dead body because said body is completely unresponsive, both on Derse and LOBAS.  
  
However something is happening to it in both places. Dirk’s skin starts to glow faintly as some tiny, fluffy grey and red-orange titmice that had previously been perched in woven structures in the sky flutter down to the bed with a noise like tiny heartbeats. They light on the body, nuzzling against Dirk’s corpse and delicately touching their beaks to the wound in his stomach. Everything shines brighter, a sort of golden orange light radiates from Dirk as the four posts on the Quest Bed now spark into sparkling amber-colored stars. His blood-covered dream self on Derse flashes, then disappears from the city planet entirely.  
  
Jake has to squint his eyes against the light as more and more of the little birds land, bathing in the painful brightness while they cover the stone of the bed. Dirk’s body starts to rise and spirograph shapes in gold and purple suddenly appearing in the air above the bed and on the ground beneath it.  
  
The sky itself has taken on an orange glow; a pulsing halo around Skaia casts light on all of the surrounding planets. The Chameleon consorts of Land of Skulls and Elevation stare into the sky in awe, knowing their Page’s Prince is rising up. (The Alligators of Land of Beat and Strings don’t give a fuck.)  
  
Finally, Dirk opens his orange eyes and finds himself hovering over a bed on Skaia, now the fully realized Prince of Heart. His shades are back on, along with a maroon hood and cape and, of course, the puffy little asshole pants and tights. He looks at his stomach and there is no sign of any wound. A smirk slowly forms on his face and then he’s off, flying as fast as possible to the gate back to his planet and, most importantly, Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this one's kind of a hit in the feels.  
> Things in the game will mostly be more glossed over very soon, so sorry if you'd like some major epic about time manipulation and exploiting glitches within the system.


	9. In which the Prince returns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what, Cendree? Before I went to bed, I realized it's totally the next day, so I can post this without whining. Yolo. <3

Jake looks at the empty Quest Bed, devoid of his friend's corpse and blood, leaving only the usual maroon-colored slab with a stylized pink heart that denotes Dirk's God Tier aspect. He decides to wait for a while, either for Dirk to return or some update to advise everyone on what to do next. Everyone's probably been expecting to regroup by now. As he waits to see what will happen, he watches the little birds that had congregated for Dirk's resurrection finish dispersing.

He also takes the moment of quiet and mild tension to mull over his time with Dirk back on LOSAE as well as their very current, albeit temporary, goodbye. Maybe, after they're all in the new universe and Jake can give Brobot the last respects he deserved, then perhaps when he visits Dirk... He's a bit startled to realize he's considering future courting efforts when the game is out of the way. What had happened earlier was decidedly un-romantic, but it was still kind of a tender moment and it did make him further realize how he's beginning to feel. It's hard not to run into a wall of feelings when he's watching someone special die and that's happened to him three times so far, even if it only stuck once. At least he didn't have to see his grandma die, even if it hurt just as much as the others have.

A tap on Jake's shoulder pulls him out of his thoughts on the matter and he turns with a start to see Dirk grinning down at him. He looks a bit smug as usual, particularly when he can catch Jake off guard the way he did, but the adventurer can allow that one. Dirk basically managed to laugh in the face of death, at least in some sort of a metaphorical sense and certainly not literally.

“Yo,” Dirk says, now with a straight face as Jake spins to face him. What a perfect first word. Also, what an awesome way to greet the best friend who helped you regenerate and stayed by your side as you died. Dirk was off to a great start with this second shot already.

"Dirk!" Jake jumps up, instantly pulling his friend into a tight bear hug, completely overjoyed to see him again. He doesn't care if he looks like some overemotional doofus, it's so good to see his best bro back. Sure, he knew Dirk would come back, but seeing people die is difficult, even after being faced with a few. Truth be told, Jake's not sure if he wants to be desensitized to such a subject.

“Careful there, Jake. If it’s cool with you I’d prefer to not test out my immortality by dying of asphyxiation,” Dirk tries to continue the coolkid routine but he honestly can’t stop the huge grin from spreading over his face as his best friend roughly squeezes him. He hugs back just as tightly, lifting them both a couple of inches off the ground with his newly acquired flight abilities. The joy at coming back to life and rejoining with Jake is difficult to contain and Dirk embarrassingly ends up spinning them around in the air in a very uncool and excited way.

When they both have their feet on the ground again, Dirk detaches himself and tries to regain his dignity. He clears his throat and says, “You know, Page, that was an unbelievably disrespectful way to greet royalty like myself.”

His lips twitch up at the corners but he manages to otherwise keep a straight face. “I was expecting some serious genuflection and I am currently sorely disappointed.”

Once back on the ground and hearing some of Strider's usual attitude, Jake snorts with laughter. His friend is making it far too easy to make a comeback. He motions to Dirk's new poofy shorts and asks, "Is His Highness also dissatisfied with his new knickerbockers, by any chance?"

To think that Dirk occasionally enjoyed poking fun at Jake's shorts. It's practically delicious how much sweet revenge Jake could get out of mocking those tiny shorts and (thankfully not tiny, but perfectly fitting) tights. He won't, unless provoked, but the universe is being kind in giving him this (literal) material.

For a long moment, Dirk just stares blankly at Jake, watching the boy clearly getting his kicks from teasing about the stupid shorts. Though he isn’t about to admit it, he really does hate the bloomers; they make him look ridiculous. And the tights are uncomfortable, even if they make his legs look kind of sexy. But whatever, he will change out of them soon enough.

The rest of the outfit is pretty boss though. He’s digging the gloves and the hood is vaguely ninja like, so that’s chill. Capes are pretty much never not sweet as fuck. He’s okay with maroon and also thankful that UU was wrong about the orange butterfly wings. He might be hanging out in between the 5 and 6 on the Kinsey Scale right now but that does not mean he could live with looking like that piece of fabulous fairy Dirk fanart.

After giving Jake a proper staredown, he breaks into a small smirk, points at his shades, and says, “His Highness wants you to know that his eyes are up here.”

"They are," Jake says in confirmation, still grinning from just having Dirk safe again (as long as he doesn't do anything stupidly heroic). If he and Jane had actually stayed dead, well... Jake has no idea what he would've done. Dirk's comment has set up for another comeback, though, and hell if Jake's going to pass that up.

"Was I supposed to expect them somewhere else? Sorry, but I'm not going to explore your tights for that," Jake says with a snarky grin. "But seriously, I'm pleased as punch to see you and Jane as God Tiers instead of, you know. Deceased."

Dirk is glad to see Jake too but like hell he is going to let him win this vaguely flirty snark-off with a subject change. “Woah, English. I mean, I’m glad to be alive too, it’s pretty baller to not be dead, and I’m happy to see you again, etc.”

He waves a hand to dismiss that line of conversation and bring it back to the vitally important “tool-time” in which (surprise!) Dirk is a tool. “But let’s focus on what’s really interesting about what you just said. I’d like to draw attention specifically to the part where you apologetically declared an apparent willingness to ‘explore’-” And yes Dirk did just make air-quotes with an accompanying eyebrow waggle. “My tights so long as the— and let’s go ahead and say ‘treasure’ to complete the little analogy we’ve got going on here— ‘treasure’ is something non-ocular.”

His smirk gets more and more douchebagesque. Man, he missed this. “And now that I have brought that shit up, I’m going to say ‘how interesting’ in an inscrutable way that you will more than likely find completely infuriating. Ready for this, Jake? Here I go.” His face slips back into that aloof mask and he flatly says, “How interesting.”

A flustered and agitated flush appears at that. Of course Dirk knows just how to push Jake's buttons. "That's not what I intended and you damn well know it. I'm not even going to spare one glance at your ridiculous tights, despite that probably breaking your sad heart."

It's probably not too out of line to be a little belligerent despite the feelings Jake thinks he's settled on his side. He's not entirely sure of Dirk's, but that's going to be part of the reason for courting him later. Jake can figure out if maybe his best bro has some feelings for him or if that sort of thing is over.

"I know you'll be fine anyway, since you genuinely are the Prince of Heart now. I'm sure you'll be giving ladies the vapors soon enough," Jake says with a snicker.

“Let’s not be so exclusive,” Dirk replies, now grinning playfully. “No one is safe from these fine ass, tights-clad legs.”

Seriously, part of him really thinks these tights look good on him. The other part is creeped out, especially by the temptation to remain in the tiny poofy shorts so he can continue to look at his nice gams. But no, that’s fucking weird and, honestly, there isn’t really any point if Jake isn’t interested— plus they are pressing all uncomfortably against his junk. “Except you, I suppose, since you are claiming ignorance to my Princely wiles.”

He rubs his knuckles into Jake’s shoulder, then floats around his friend giving him little affectionate punches. Flying without the board is so cool. He wonders if he can talk Jane into racing or something. Oh shit, even better idea—

“Doesn’t look like I’ll need this anymore,” he takes out the rocketboard and hands it over to Jake. “Thus I bestow it upon you, Page English, as a token of our bromance. May you not crash into any trees.”

Jake chuckles at the teasing little punches and manages one of his own when he accepts the rocketboard from Dirk. It was a bit of a sneak attack, but that's what made it so fun. "Thanks, Bro. I'm confident that I won't."

Jake seems way more likely to fly with Dirk than Jane anyway, no offence to the heiress. And speaking of Jane, they were supposed to have met up with the girls by now. It was an... exciting? productive? delay, but Dirk really didn’t want to leave Roxy and Jane hanging much longer. They were probably near panicked by now. Better hurry.

He gives Jake a challenging look and jets a little distance away, cape and hood snapping behind him.

"H-hey!" the adventurer yells and jumps onto the rocketboard to speed after him. "You didn't mention a race, you fucking rascal!" Note to self: Think up better insults to heckle Dirk with.

He manages to catch up with Dirk and continue to ignore the stupid tights. It's easier to with the race, despite his friend just having to point out the fact that his legs do look nice in them. Dirk must be conspiring to distract him by bringing up innuendo and mentioning obvious attractive features. Maybe it's a good sign, but whatever. Back to trying to teach Dirk who the winner of this race will be.

Dirk chuckles at the lame insult and looks over at Jake as he flies alongside him, trying not to think about how dashing he looks with the wind all blowing back his hair and the big goofy grin on his face. He wonders if other people find Jake as attractive as he does. It’s not really like the adventurer fits the traditionally handsome stereotype. He’s got cowlicked hair and a serious overbite and glasses. He’s probably got ridiculous tan lines under his clothes. He wouldn’t be surprised in the least if he were also super hairy. Or if he wore chumpass briefs with skulls on them.

Despite that list, Dirk still doesn’t think that anyone could be more appealing to him.

The Prince speeds up about as much as he can, pulling slightly ahead. He’s pretty sure Jake will win; the rocketboard can go faster than he can. But he’ll quietly blame his loss on the puffy pants hindering his aerodynamics. Worst article of clothing ever.

Jake speeds up the rocketboard, keeping the pace even with Dirk for the moment. He spares a little glance at his best bro, mostly keeping his attention ahead, particularly since his method of flight is far more precarious. It doesn't stop him from giving a little wave as well, always one for unintentionally performing the most adorkable options available when nothing too serious is going down.

They approach a gate that will take them to Skaia, the designated meeting place. Soon it will be time to soft reset their void session by plugging the betas’ battlefield into Skaia’s center to make up for their lack of one. Then, Dirk assumes, the real shit will start going down.


	10. In which the kids reunite.

As they close in on the gate to Skaia, Jake speeds up a tad more so that he's clearly in the lead. He doesn't want to abandon Dirk, though. He'd never forgive himself if he did after watching his friend die. In fact, he feels kind of awful that they had left Jane and Roxy behind, especially considering the ambush they could've helped in, but they had wanted to explore their own worlds. Jake can't imagine what their reaction to Dirk's new status as God Tier will be, other than Roxy maybe teasing Dirk over those princely pantaloons, but they're bound to be unhappy when they hear of how it came about. Dirk certainly hadn't chosen to die on his Quest Bed and attain his powers.

The intrepid adventurer, of course, manages to fly through the gate directing them to Skaia first. Dirk's hot on his trail, so he'll probably still brag that he almost kept up to speed with Jake and the rocketboard. It's no issue for Jake. In fact, if Dirk didn't brag or at least tease slightly, he might just become a bit concerned.

The current loser is definitely not scoping Jake’s ass as he flies behind him. Not at all. Actually, he really probably should stop looking at the way those khakis are clinging to that rump because it is not helping the whole “knock that gay for Jake shit off” thing he had going. Holy shit, he almost sounded like Lalonde, except for perhaps the cutting it out detail.

He moves to fly a little closer and says over the wind, “I never said thank you. For saving me.” He reaches out to touch Jake’s arm. “You are, without a doubt, the greatest bro that anyone could ever have. Check it, I’m being unironically sappy.”

"I happen to already be well aware that you're sappy," Jake replies, trying not to look too excited about the compliment towards his abilities of being a great friend. It's kind of embarrassing, hearing something so sentimental from Dirk, but it's also great and Jake does feel a surge of pride. "It's not too ludicrous of a task for a friend. Especially my best bro. A bromance like this shows up probably once every, what, century or so? At the most expedient?" That should easily clear things before they have to tell Roxy and Jane what happened.

In the distance, Jane and Roxy spot them and start waving frantically. As they approach, Dirk can hear Roxy yelling for Jane to look at him, that holy shit he is God Tier and that’s what was happening when there was the light in the sky and Jane looks happy but concerned. Once he lands, slightly behind Jake, he can tell she is biting her cheek, even though she’s smiling. 

Dirk points at the winner of their little race and says, “English, we’re having rematch as soon as I change out of these pants. I could have easily beaten you if I hadn’t had these goddamn parachutes on my legs.”

"Want to put a wager on that?" the adventurer asks with a mischievous look. "I'll thrash you even if you change trousers. It's an irrefutable fact."

At the mention of the pants, Roxy wolf-whistles. “Check those babieses ouuuut. Hot damn Dirk, you lookin’ like hella fly! Jezuzzz,” Dirk’s lips turn up into a smirk as his fellow Dersite circles wobbly around him, snapping her fingers. “Your legs are like... perf. ‘M gettin’ hot right now for srs. Also totes jell.”

Jake snickers at Roxy's blatant admiration of Dirk's honestly nice legs. This is just too much fun not to leave some note on. "Strider, you might just have to hide that set of gams or you'll distract everyone present."

The heiress still looks concerned about why the heck Dirk is God Tier. It's great that he is and all, since that will only make the group more powerful overall, but she's not so sure that it was voluntary (despite Dirk being the most likely of the group to take a step like that). Maybe it's detective's intuition giving her that concern. She hates to be the rain on the parade, but asks, "Dirk, how did you attain God Tier status?"

Dirk's mouth, which had been moving dangerously close to grinning territory, purses as Jane asks her question. “I died,” he says simply, knowing that answer probably wasn’t enough for the gumshoe. 

It definitely wasn’t. She clearly knows that’s what’s happened, how else would he have ascended? Jane scowls a little at him and in a warning tone says, “Dirk...” 

“On my Quest Bed.” He adds unhelpfully, messing with her a little. 

“Mr. Strider,” she says, exasperated. The fact that he is being so cagey about this is not really a good sign. It probably means that something terrible happened on their way over— it sets her on edge to know that they might have been attacked. They both could have been killed and she wouldn’t have even been around to bring them back. It’s an upsetting thought.

He smiles sort of sadly at her and gently touches where her forehead has creased in worry. “We were ambushed by the Batterwitch. I was stabbed.” 

It shouldn’t have been a surprise; that was pretty much what she had deduced had happened. But Jane’s florescent blue eyes still go wide behind the oval glasses. “How did you...?” 

Dirk looks over at Jake, figuring he can fill in whatever it is Jane wants to know.

"Uh. I'm not sure how the Batterwitch found us or where she retreated to, but after the surprise stabbings, we took the rocketboard to LOBAS since I only got a few cuts and scrapes. Then we walked a little since it was getting more difficult to maintain balance," Jake replies, hoping to quickly get the answers out of the way. "We made it in time and... Dirk ascended and met back up with me."

"Then we came here," Jake says, motioning around them for emphasis. "And we're ecstatic as shit to see our two favorite ladies again."

"Ooooh, someone's tryin' to flatter us," Roxy pipes in with a smile, trying to lighten the mood. "Got somethin' to add, Mister Fine Legs?"

"Miss Lalonde, really," Jane says, rolling her eyes at her bffsy's comments. Nice as Dirk's legs may be, there's a time and a place to discuss them. Right after hearing that he was stabbed bad enough to kill him, but they were fortunate enough to reach his Quest Bed, probably isn't said time. "Still, I'm glad you're both safe now. It's very advisable that we stay in a full group now. I'd prefer us to have safety in numbers."

“Of course,” Dirk agrees. It makes perfect sense for the team to stick together; Dirk certainly wouldn’t want an ambush to happen to the girls. He’s thankful in a way that it was Jake and himself that were caught off-guard. Not that the ladies weren’t capable of fighting, but the thought of not being around while they were set him on edge.

“You got it, Janey! Like hell we’re gonna to let that batterBITCH overlard try any more shit!” Roxy exclaims, leaping over and wrapping her arms around protectively around Jane.

“Well, shit. Would you look at that? You’re the leader, Jane.” Dirk says quietly to her, with an affectionate and proud sort of smile. “It’s you.”

She just flushes, shakes her head furiously, and gives him a little push on the arm, “Oh, hush you! I’m just your friend!”

Jake grins at seeing his friends all together. It's definitely a great contrast to the earlier distress from Dirk dying. "Let's just settle this by allowing the title of 'friendleader,'" he says teasingly.

He hadn't even thought of it before, but it's also so damn good to see Roxy taking all of this so well. She had been pretty devastated about the temporary loss of Jane. Then again, she didn't have to see anything but Dirk already at God Tier. Honestly, Jake's glad that Jane and Roxy didn't have to see. They're tough but, well, who wants to see a best friend temporarily die? He wouldn't want to subject the others to that. As long as none of his friends are alone at a time like that, he doesn't mind the others not having to share seeing it.

Speak of the devil, Roxy lets go of Jane in favor of giving Jake a little half-hug to catch his attention. "Jaaaake. It's not polite to stare at Dirk's fine booty, you knooow..."

"WHAT?" Jake asks incredulously, his face flushing a bright red at the thought. If anything, he just zoned out and his eyes just happened to be there. He genuinely hadn't meant to stare at Dirk's ridiculous poofy shorts. "I most certainly was not ogling him."

Dirk’s grin is positively smarmy as he ignores Jake’s protests and turns to Roxy. “Rox, how long was he staring?”

The drunk girl snickers and hangs off Jake as she waggles her eyebrows and whispers loudly to Strider, “Dirk, omg, like, five freakin' minutes! God, ‘m surprised you didn’t feel it— he was like shootin' lasers of desire from his eyes or something!”

“Hm. Interesting. Earlier he claimed he was going to ‘break my heart’ by refusing to look at my lower half.” Dirk puts a hand on his chin, as if he were contemplating some really difficult puzzle. What an asshole. “Of course, that was directly after he waxed on about wanting to explore my tights.”

“OH REAAAALLY?” Roxy slurs in glee. She paps Jake’s face, clucking and shaking her head like she’s disappointed but it kind of fails because she’s got a big teasing smile on her flushed with alcohol face. “Daaaaamn Jake, and I always thought you were a gemtl- whoops- gentleman.”

Jane has just buried her head in her hands. She is absolutely not going to take part in these shenanigans.

Jake's face darkens up to a nice crimson and he fussily waves his hands at Roxy's while she continues papping his face. "I wasn't gawking and you're putting words in my mouth, Strider! Hey, no- Cripes, Lalonde. Cut it ouuuut..."

Why the hell is this happening? It's a thought shared by both Jake and Jane at this point. How they've managed to get through this game in a mildly adept fashion is kind of beyond their comprehension at this point. Dirk and Roxy, by contrast, are having way too much fun with these silly antics. They basically love anything that they can alter to sound racy, so this is just some amazing entertainment.

"Dirk. Do you know what this means?" Roxy asks, pulling Jake into a hug. "Our little Jakey is growin' up!"

"Hogswallop!" Jake says, indignant and a bit muffled from the hug. "I'm older than you and Dirk!" Even if they were from the same year, instead of centuries apart, he'd be a few days older than both of them.

“I believe I’m becoming flustered.” No, he isn’t. “Roxy, I need help. Can you tell me how the fuck I am supposed to respond to the advances of an older man? I’m not sure whether to feel flattered or creeped out.”

Roxy hoots with laughter, still clinging to Jake. “That totally depends! Is he, like, hot? Like a silver fox maybe? Mmm.”

“Well, he’s no George Clooney,” says Dirk slyly, focusing only on the inebriated girl rather than the boy she was hanging on or his protests. “But he’s got a certain antiquated charm, I have to admit.”

At this, Roxy makes an “oooh” right in Jake’s ear. “Sounds like you liiiike him...~”

Dirk just grins and doesn’t say anything.

"This is preposterous," Jake grumbles, his ears still a nice dark red Dirk can see.

"It's not preposer- preposterous, Jake," Roxy replies with a sly grin. "This is totes a matter of true love!"

Roxy and Dirk both get a good chuckle out of that one. She does willingly let go of Jake, though, just so that she doesn't get him too frumpy. They don't need for him to get to Jane levels of tightassery. Once Jake manages to move away a little bit, he tries his best to look more dignified. It's sort of cute in an unintentional way.

“Are we done yet, children?” Jane questions, tapping her foot. She looks pretty fed up with the Derse duo's antics and, honestly, they can’t really blame her for the scolding tone that she’s using.

“Awww, Janey,” the Rogue whines, transferring her clinging from Jake to her bffsy once again. Jane sighs as Roxy wraps her arms around her waist and sets her chin on top of the shorter girl’s black hair. “You’re killing our fun!”

Jane tries to look annoyed but fails because Roxy squeezes her and she can’t help but giggle. Still, she manages to protest, “I rather think that Jake was not having all that much fun being harassed!” Though the heiress coming to terms with her feelings and getting over Jake, it was still kind of upsetting to see Dirk ironically (?) flirting with him. Part of her wonders if the joking was just a cover-up for some real feelings. After all, Dirk had said himself that there was sincerity beneath every example of his irony.

And the way Jake is flushing and flustered kind of make her question if maybe the vague stirrings of romantic feelings Jake said he was upset about having towards an unnamed person were actually towards Dirk.

Jane hears Roxy whisper, “It’s okay, Janey.” And she deflates into arms holding her tightly, feeling comforted by the affection.

Dirk watches them curiously, then glances at the remnants of the blush on Jake’s face and gives him his best dashing smirk.

Jake takes a moment to notice the smirk and feels the corners of his mouth quirk up just a little. He's feeling a bit better now that he's gathered up at least a little more dignity. It's going to be weird, being on a new sort of Earth once they win the game and being apart again. At least, he assumes everyone will still have the physical distance between them. It won't matter, though, since he plans on finding a way to see all of them again and get into all sorts of fun mischief.

The heiress gives Roxy a little pat on the arm as she says, "It's about time for Miss Harley to place the Battlefield in. Are all of you prepared?"

Roxy relinquishes her hold on Jane, but takes up her best friend’s hand instead and gives it a soft squeeze. Her pink eyes are filled with love for the people around her and she extends her other hand to Jake with a happy grin, beckoning him over.

“We’ve totally got this, right, Jake?” she says with fierce excitement as she takes up the adventurer’s arm, suddenly looking the most sober she has all game.

"I think we have this shit sorted. It's an unequivocal fact that we'll be tasting victory soon enough," Jake replies with a broad grin.

"That's the spirit." Jane's smile looks a bit easier at hearing such confidence from her friends. She and Jake each hold out a hand to Dirk so he can join the little pre-shit-going-down friendship circle. Now's definitely a time to bask in the greatness of camaraderie.

Dirk gives a little smile as he first takes Jane’s hand into his own. Then he accepts Jake’s hand, feeling the tiniest twinge of something that might not be unrelated to some romantic feelings as he looks at his best bro’s overbite smile. 

He grins affectionately at Roxy and gives Jane and Jake’s hands tight squeezes, feeling weirdly confident that this family of his was going to be absolutely fine. “Let’s wreck their shit.”

Hand in hand, the four best friends walk towards their battle.


	11. In which the new universe is shown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I broke down and decided to post another chapter. Hooray for my obvious lack of restraint here. I guess I felt bad leaving on a cliffhanger then the rest of the game is glossed over to a major degree?  
> Still, there's some cool stuff here post-Sburb and I hope it won't be even close to a disappointment.

It's been over a year since the four friends, with the aid of the younger versions of the guardians and the trolls, defeated the Batterwitch and Lord English by way of glitches through manipulation of time and space. It had been so satisfying, seeing the red and green doors to the new universes; one for each of the frog-breedings they ended up committing. As the guardians and trolls took the red door, Jake had opened up the green door, beaming at his friends as he made a sweeping motion towards the open door that contained a bright light on the other side.

 

\------------

  
Now in the present, Jake's frantically attempting to prepare for traveling to Houston. Fortunately, he was able to get a proper passport (with some help, considering the island is sort of its own little territory- what a bureaucratic nightmare) and everything should be in order, but he has no idea what sort of things he needs for residing in civilization for a while. Clothes, undoubtedly, a few toiletries, but what else? Holy shit, he's not ready for this!  
  
At least his room looks cleaner, though, or it's perhaps more accurate to say that the clutter is more organized. His hair even looks a little less cowlicked than usual, if only because he put severe effort in trying to tame it for once. This is going to be his first time physically seeing one of his friends since the Sburb alpha and, not only that, but he'll be leaving the island for a while. He's practically beside himself with anticipation!  
  
He at least remembers that he should probably take along the small robot Dirk had sent him after the game; a little something to protect him since his island can still be dangerous as fuck and the robot can be useful in some other basic tasks. In fact, the first task Jake set it to was moving the great vaulty doodad, containing the deactivated Brobot, from his home and to the ruins where Jake decided to lay him to rest and say some last words. Of course, when Dirk pointed out he was sending a new mechanized guardian, the adventurer asked specifically for this robot to just be a machine and he's seriously glad that Dirk took the advice to heart.  
  
Neither one of them thinks they can handle another Brobot situation, though Jake's certain it wouldn't happen regardless; he's definitely developed some tender feelings for Strider himself this time and that's part of the reason for all of his ridiculous fretting now. He hasn't admitted it to anyone but himself (and Brobot's deactivated person), but he plans on beginning his wooing strategies soon enough. He's hoping his unfamiliarity with proper civilization, to an extent, won't put him at too much of a disadvantage.

 

\-----------

  
“Okay, so I’m trying to remember if you ever actually told me that your dude lives in Fuckingnowhereville, smack dab in the middle of the Pacific. What is he, like a mermaid? Merman? I don’t know if we can accommodate a merman in our apartment, lil’ man. I don’t want to control your life or anything but I’m not sure if I can support you if your dude is a merman.”  
  
At the sound of the voice, Dirk lifts his head to stare at the blonde-haired man seated across from him. A scruffy, stubbly face, aviator shades, a nice suit paired with bright red sneakers, and a don’t give a fuck expression. Dirk vaguely wonders why Bro is dressed up so nicely for an 11 hour plane ride to a basically unpopulated island in the Pacific to pick up a seventeen-year-old boy who thinks that wearing tiny khaki shorts was just the bee's knees (and would probably have used that sort of ridiculous phrasing). Then he decides he doesn’t really care what Dave does because it’s just nice to have his company, having been Bro-less for the majority of his life.  
  
Besides, Dirk would be lying if he said he hadn’t considered also dressing up. As it was, the amount of time he spent picking out an outfit was kind of obscene. He started out in the black muscle tee, then decided that as awesome as it was to be going to see Jake again, it wasn’t quite the party occasion that showing off his guns and sweet ink demanded. Then he put on his adorable spunky pony shirt but he pulled it off almost immediately. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his love of Rainbow Dash, only that he was pretty sure Jake wouldn’t appreciate the 20% increase in his coolness and like hell he was going to let that go to waste. The final outfit was an old standard: grey shirt with an orange hat and black pants. Classy. Cool. And goddamn, his hair looks perfect (thanks to nearly an hour in the bathroom).  
  
Why did he spend all of that time on his appearance? Even he isn’t entirely sure. He tells himself that not being romantically interested in Jake anymore is still the way he is rolling; that it never stopped being a thing or anything, despite the maybe-flirting and sweet moments that happened in game.  
  
Dirk realizes that he never responded to his brother and draws himself out of his distracted thoughts. “Hilarious, Bro. I’m sure your use of possessive adjective is completely in line with your code of irony and sense of humor since we both know Jake is not ‘my dude’,” he says flatly.  
  
Dave doesn’t say anything, but he does let out a small chuckle. Dirk ignores him and continues, “While he is _my_ friend and he is a _dude_ , combining the two makes it sound like we’re in the business of touching each others' asses, which is about as legitimate a statement as he is some mythological half-fish.”  
  
Dave pulls out his phone to text or something, still chuckling, and Dirk is annoyed. Normally he wouldn’t care about this sort of thing but he is feeling extremely nervous about this whole visit and it’s making him easy to rile up. He needs to stop though; he’s acting like a high-school girl on prom night and it’s really not helping anything. “Regardless, I told you where he lives numerous times. You even helped him get a passport— and I know that involved all sorts of string pulling. So basically, you brought this on yourself, Bro. Sorry you decided to fuck up your busy superstar schedule and tag along even though I made it incredibly clear that I could have done this shit alone.”  
  
“Jegus,” Dave peers over his Stiller glasses, letting Dirk see the red eyes. They contained a surprising amount of worry. It was still a little weird to have someone else looking out for him. And his experiences with the younger Dave kind of messed up his understanding of how his older brother actually was. “You nervous or something?”  
  
“What? No,” Dirk replies, probably too quickly. Trying to beat down the butterflies that are definitely present and his brother’s unnerving concern for his embarrassing lack of chill, he busies himself with staring out the window at the expanse of ocean, now noticing a large green mass rising out of the water as the aircraft begins moving towards it.  
  
They reach it in only a few minutes and landing only takes a few minutes more but every second is just more time for Dirk to freak out. As the engine powers down, the Striders look at each other then Dave finally states, “I’ve got a couple of calls I need to make. You go on and get your frienddude or whatever, lil’ bro.”  
  
As he exits the plane and steps onto Hellmurder Island, Dirk uses his glasses to bring up the monitoring system for Aayla, his latest little robot and the current guardian of Jake. He modeled it off of Huggy Bear/Lil’ Seb, changing the chassis only slightly so that the ears curved back and resembled the headtails of the blue alien woman that Jake had pictures of in his room. The programming was also basically the same as Jane’s robot; Aayla is simply a sentry and defense bot. He had learned his lesson and even without Jake’s suggestion that this gift not have humanesque AI, he made sure this creation was not actually sentient.  
  
It is currently in sleep mode, so Dirk wakes it up and asks it to come get him. While he could easily pester Jake and send his friend traipsing through the jungle to meet him, he thinks it’s probably a little rude to not help Jake with bringing his bags from his house to the plane. Plus a part of him really wants to knock on Jake’s door (if he even has one), like a date would. Shit. This would have been better if he had flowers or chocolate or something.  
  
Wait. No. That’s stupid. And besides, Aayla’s zooming to his side to lead him through the jungle so time to focus on the rabbit alien thing instead of this fantasy homoprom scenario.  
  
He can actually see the tunnel-like entrance to the weird ball-topped tower that Jake had described when Dirk asked about life on the island... and wow. That is a lot of pumpkins. Also, there doesn’t seem to be a door since it looks like the pumpkin vines are just growing into the house. Well, at least he doesn’t have to worry about looking like a tool while knocking or something.  
  
He stops a little way off from the entrance and wonders whether he should pester or send Aayla in or just scream Jake’s name until he comes out or what.  
  
Meanwhile, up a flight of stairs and one doorway that Dave can't see from his vantage point, Jake is still mentally anguishing about what he should or shouldn't take. It's not like he can just liberally squash everything into his sylladex, so he needs to decide what is vitally essential for this excursion. He adjusts his glasses and tries to ponder over everything calmly and cooly, looking up to see- Wait. Where's the robot? It's not like Aayla to run off since Dirk also had the foresight to make it notably less excitable than Lil' Seb.  
  
"Aayla?" Jake calls out. He waits for a little while, but there's no answer. Perhaps she went outside and can't hear him? The adventurer decides that it certainly can't hurt to take a moment to find her. The Striders haven't informed him of any changes, so they're probably still flying over. That's cool, though, since it's giving him a little more time than expected anyway. He walks out of the room and bounds down the stairs, walking through the foyer-like area and out to- "Dirk?"  
  
Aayla runs to her owner when he appears in the pumpkin patch, putting a little metal hand to Jake’s leg as she looks up at him with tiny red shades. Dirk watches his (now Jake’s) robot suddenly take off, but doesn’t even have time to wonder what she is up to before he hears that familiar Aussie/British/who-knows-what accent calling out his name. Much to his chagrin, his heart does a weird jumping thing when he sees that goofy face and dark hair that surprisingly does not look as though Jake decided that hairbrushes weren’t a thing anymore. In fact, he looks miraculously kempt.  
  
But, oh shit, it looks like Jake made the no-door prom pickup decision for him. And oh god, this is going so terribly so far why did he even bother getting worked up about this visit seriously. Jesus. He must look like such a fucking creeper, damn, just standing outside of Jake’s house all staring at it and now he hasn’t even replied and Jake is right there. Fuck everything, maybe he should just walk away into the forest and maybe he could fight off one of the stupid monsters and look badass and then things would be less awkward but actually he should just reply. Okay. Fuck.  
  
“Jake,” Dirk replies with an acknowledging nod, casually tucking his hands into his pockets. Very cool.  
  
The other boy simply strides (pun intended) over to Dirk with Aayla following faithfully and rests his hands on his shoulders in greeting, all smiles about seeing his best pal again. "What a damn great surprise! Thought you could get the slip on me, eh, Strider? Well, the tables certainly turned on you. I should've known there was some reason Aayla disappeared while I was preoccupied."  
  
Jake mentally notes that Dirk looks cool as a cucumber about now. His friend had been far more expressive in the game but, considering the stress and various shenanigans that happened in the game, this is certainly more of a classic Strider look. He might also be slightly tired after several hours on a plane, though that's probably not going to get much better since, as far as he knows the itinerary, they're going straight back on it to leave.  
  
This is going better than expected for Dirk, since it seems that he hasn’t made a complete fool of himself by letting the idiotic thoughts in his head come through to his face. He lets himself relax and he can’t help but smile back at the wide, derpy grin of his best friend.  
  
“Yeah, I suppose I should have known better than to try to surprise you,” he says, removing his hands from his pockets and pushing a fist playfully into Jake’s stomach. “We’re on your turf; I’m out of my element— my ninja skills get fucked up when confronted with large numbers of pumpkins. There's legitimate and published research to prove it.”  
  
He looks over his shades at Jake with the intention of asking where his shit is so he can be rescued from this island but instead, out slips, “Jake, I’m so fucking happy to see you again.”  
  
It was way sappier than intended, way uncool. It was also truthful, but unfortunately dumb sounding. He regrets it immediately and tries to quickly recover. “Are you ready?” Dirk asks brusquely, pulling out of his friend’s shoulder hold.  
  
Jake looks a tad confused over the sudden curtness, but chalks it up to the plane flight for sure. He shrugs and admits, "Well, uh, not exactly. I've been trying, but I'm stumped on what I should pack. Other than playing that infernal game, I've never been away from home before. Maybe you can help?"  
  
Dirk nods in reply, mentally stewing over what he’s supposed to be feeling right now. He caught the look of confusion from Jake and now realizes that he might be coming off as some kind of bipolar, hot-and-cold type.  
  
"Thanks," he replies, motioning for Dirk to follow him into his odd looking house. "And I'm genuinely happy to see you again, too."  
  
They walk through the foyer and up the stairs, ending up at a door. Jake opens it and motions for Dirk to go through first; that frank and goofy as ever smile clearly indicates that it's a sincere gesture instead of a mocking "ladies' first" sort of deal. He's probably just being a polite host to his best bro. At least, that's what said best bro assumes about it, despite thinking back to when Jake admitted that if he was trying to woo someone, he'd do things like hold doors open for the object of his affections.  
  
Honestly, Dirk isn’t sure why it’s so difficult to act normally right now— or why he just got what felt like freakish heart palpitations when Jake ushered him into the room like (a dashing gentleman wait no no no) the legitimately nice dude that he is. All Strider wants is to feel calm and collected but now he is in Jake’s room and he feels like a bundle of nerves.  
  
Except then he is actually in Jake’s room and dear lord, the poster walls were even more ridiculous than Jake had described. So many shitty movies. So many blue women. He actually chuckles a little as he walks to the center and slowly takes in the entirety of the room. It isn’t so messy; about equal to his own room. There are piles of comics and guns and movies and a green Shroud in its rightful place on Jake’s bed (the bed itself gave him some weirdly mixed feelings and thoughts of “how many times did I fantasize about that bed?” and "oh, that’s where he and Brobot were”). On the ground near the bed is a bag that had some clothes stuffed into it, probably intended for carrying necessary items to Houston... but it is awfully close to a large pile of guns and ammo.  
  
Dirk looks at Jake. “You aren’t planning on bringing weapons, are you? We aren’t going off to war, just to Texas. I assure you, they are pretty different. Also, Jesus fuck, Jake. Is that long underwear in your pack? It’s going to be about 80 degrees at home.”  
  
He grabs the bag off the floor and starts rooting through it. “Why do you have towels in here? We have towels at the apartment, you don’t need to bring them. And we have blankets,” he says as he pulls out a space blanket-like square of fabric followed shortly by an unlabeled rations can. “And food.”  
  
Deciding that he was going to have to do some serious repacking anyway, Dirk just dumps the contents of the bag onto the bed. “Alright. Let’s pick out the clothes you want, keeping in mind that it is going to be a similar climate to this island and that it is a fucking city and you don’t need survival gear.”  
  
"No need to fret, Dirk. I'm not bringing any firearms with me... Even if it does feel downright unnatural." Jake flushes slightly at the grilling of his packing, not that he really minds the critique since Dirk's genuinely helping him out, it's just that it really drives home the fact that he's leaving, well... the only home he's known. He'll be in a big city- one that's actually inhabited by people. It's going to be a gigantic adventure as far as he's concerned, even in comparison to the game. At least exploring and strifing are things he's used to on some level other than just from his eclectic movie collection.  
  
He begins choosing some of his favorite articles of clothing and tucks them into his bag. His toothbrush is also tossed back in. So far, so good. "Is there anything else I should stow into civilization?"  
  
Aayla, still programmed for some basic irony and humor despite genuinely being a plain automaton, hops up onto the bed and crawls into the pack in response. Jake laughs at the sight despite himself, giving the little robot a pap on the head. "I see you still decided to brogram a sense of humor." He snickers at his own bro-pun.  
  
“It’s automatically included with the coding language I use. Broding language.” Dirk wrinkles his nose slightly. “Yours was better. Fuck all of these pumpkins. They’re sapping my ki.”  
  
"Ha ha. I don't think it was all that offensive of a pun," Jake says. It certainly could've been something far more forced. He would point out that, since Brobot was around before, he's been exposed to a ton of bro puns. That's not particularly something he wants to bring up when he's deciding to move on with his life, though.  
  
Dirk grins and pulls Aayla out of the bag, stuffing another pair of khaki shorts and a couple of white shirts in its place. He’s not actually sure how long Jake is going to stay since it wasn’t something they really discussed. Dirk just figures that whenever Jake wants to leave, he’ll say so and they can get one of Bro’s private planes to fly them back. In the meantime, it looks like Jake probably has enough stuff. The Strider residence has a laundry machine anyway.  
  
“Socks? Underwear?” Dirk asks, checking the contents of the bag once more for missing items. “I can avert my eyes if you’d like to protect your Victorian modesty or whatever.”  
  
"It's all in there," the adventurer replies in confirmation. Of course he wouldn't forget clothing of all things; it offers basic protection from the elements and such. "Don't start becoming my grandma, Bro."  
  
Dirk smirks at the mention of Jade. “I don’t see what’s wrong with being like your grandma. Every day I wake up with the hope that I will manage to be as foxy as her.”  
  
"Foxy for you, maybe, but she's my grandma. Kind of difficult to ignore." A second glance through the pack and Jake nods in approval at it. "All of the duds I need are here. Should I bring anything else in particular or will that do?"  
  
“I figure if you forget anything else, we can just pick it up at a store.” Man, not living on a deserted island is magical. Dirk surveys the room for anything else to bring then tugs on the bed sheet. “You wanna bring your Shroud?”  
  
At first, Jake looks at the blanket almost warily but then he figures Dirk won't judge him too much for bringing a little piece of home with him. He accepts the blanket and carefully folds it into the bag, zipping everything up. "Thanks for the suggestion."  
  
Aayla looks between the two passively since there shouldn't be a threat to its specified charge, one Jake English, from Dirk, the robot's own creator. Still it does process that they're conversing of going somewhere and it would be irresponsible not to follow the human it's supposed to protect at all costs. The little robot tugs on Jake's sleeve and holds up its arms, being as endearing as it can though that's only so much considering it's a calculated gesture and not one brought forth from (simulated, at least) emotion.  
  
In response, Jake picks up the little robot and says, "I think Aayla's going to try to follow. Should we bring her along? We can have her leave her usual sword here to deal with the 'no weapons on the airplane' hogwash."  
  
Dirk just nods in response to the thanks. He wouldn’t have suggested bringing the cute sheet if he was going to judge Jake for it. It would be pretty hypocritical of him to judge anyway, given that Cal is currently tucked into his sylladex.  
  
“Shit, like I could say no to that,” Dirk replies, playfully tugging on one of the metal headtails. Aayla doesn’t respond other than by staring at Dirk with its head tilted, passively chilling in Jake’s arms. “She can hang with Squarewave. Poor dude could use some company. I can run some diagnostics on her, too. Upgrade her software.”  
  
He stretches and rolls his shoulders, kind of dreading going back to the plane to sit for another almost day. They should probably get back to the plane soon but Dirk figures he can milk a little more time on the island since Bro is busy talking on the phone. “Hey, can we take a little walk or something?”  
  
"Sounds frigging terrific to me," Jake replies, standing up as Aayla hops out of his arms to walk with them. It feels nice to do something other than worry over the impending journey. He picks up his trusty Berettas for the duration of their leisurely stroll, since the frightening fauna that can be found on occasion don't tend give a damn if someone or something is just passing through. Scratch that- the little fairy bulls will just chase him around or chill with him in a friendly sort of fashion, but most of the rest don't.  
  
As they step out of the building together, they actually do run into their first encounter of the fauna variety. There's a herd of said fairy bulls settling into the pumpkins, munching on the vines, the gourds themselves, and the leaves and flowers. They do pretty well for themselves, considering the other denizens of the island, if only because of very plentiful food sources. Jake's looking relaxed enough at this sight and motions over to them, saying, "Bet you don't have stuff like that back home."  
  
Fuck, that’s adorable. Dirk approaches a pumpkin with a little bull sitting happily on top, crunching through a chunk of vine. He crouches down to get a closer look and the fairy bull eyes him before gnawing off a piece of pumpkin flesh. “No, we don’t have things like this in Texas. What even is this?”  
  
"Some kind of, erm... little fairy... bull... thing?" Jake says rather lamely. "I've tried looking up information before, but I think the little scoundrels are only here."  
  
Slowly, Dirk reaches out to the little white creature, wondering if it actually has substance or if it’s actually as ephemeral as it looks. The bull takes flight before Dirk can touch it though and heads right for Jake, lighting on his shoulder and nuzzling his hair. That’s not very fair, but it is really cute.  
  
Dirk grins and remarks, “Is this the native wildlife that you claim is so bloodthirsty, Jake? I’m not really impressed.”  
  
"Ha ha... You wish. This is one of the more sociable varieties of fauna here, trust me." The adventurer carefully reaches up and grasps the fairy bull in his hands, holding it towards Dirk so he can touch. It looked like he had wanted to at least. They're not very dangerous, being herbivores that are more flighty and shy than accustomed to aggressive self-defense. Just in case Dirk wants to pacify the little creature before attempting to pet it, Jake adds, "And they fucking adore pumpkin flowers in particular."  
  
Dirk decides to take this into consideration and bends to pluck a couple bright yellow-orange flowers from the curling vines. A bizarre thought pops into his head that the mix of orange and green in this pumpkin patch is pretty similar to his and Jake’s favorite colors, respectively.  
  
Looking at Jake questioningly and wondering if he’s doing this correctly, he presents a single flower to the bull in Jake’s hold. The tinkerbull snorts as it regards the flower and Dirk. Then it happily pulls the flower out of his hand and starts chewing it up with a content, high-pitched little moo. God, could these things get any cuter? Dirk gently pets its soft white head and scritches around its little curved horns as it makes chuffing noises and happily closes its big eyes. His cool, aloof heart is just melting right now and he’s grinning widely as he feeds the little monster the rest of the pumpkin flowers.  
  
So he’s a sucker for cute animals. Is that such a crime?  
  
Jake watches Dirk's face with a grin of his own. He honestly hadn't expected to elicit so much visible happiness from such a literally small thing. This is definitely something to keep in mind for later. Hell, it's probably good to file away this whole scene as something remarkable; he didn't take Dirk as being such an animal lover, but here he is, doting on one of the little fairy tinkerbull things. That's just really adorable.  
  
"I think he likes you," Jake notes softly, totally not caring that it's a cliché observation as he watches his friend/crush feed the last few flowers to the little oddity. He certainly knows he's fond of the younger Strider.  
  
Dirk looks up at Jake over edge of his shades and gives him a small, grateful smile before stroking under the bull’s chin while it makes tiny cow sounds. After a few more seconds of being fawned over, it gets restless and wiggles out of Jake’s hands to fly off and eat more pumpkin with the rest of the herd. “If I could take them home with me, I would do so in a heartbeat.”  
  
He watches the fairy bulls flutter around the patch and thinks that even with the other supposedly dangerous animals on Hellmurder Island, it’s actually a pretty beautiful place. The clearing in the jungle is dappled with sunlight filtered through the lush trees and it honestly looks like something out of a storybook. It’s hot, of course, but no worse than what he deals with in Texas in the summer; in fact, it's far nicer because summer in Texas is agitating to say the least.  
  
“As it is, I might have to come back to visit them regularly.” He looks at Jake, mouth curling into a smirk.  
  
A laugh is the first response to that one, but Jake quickly follows it up by saying, "I hope that's not all you'd come back for." That probably came out a little different than he thought it would. He'd definitely be happy for Dirk to visit, though, no matter what little reason might sway him; even if he is clearly messing with Jake right now.  
  
Regardless, Jake begins walking, gesturing for Dirk to do so with him. They might as well actually walk around a bit before being stuck on an airplane and Dirk's probably never seen an actual island jungle before, though he did see something similar in the game. It really is a lovely place, even with some of the island a bit scorched from the volcano on the other side that had erupted right as the game began; fortunately only said scorching and the large amount of destruction is at the summit.  
  
“Mm?” Dirk hums in response as he walks beside his best bro, not quite allowing himself to acknowledge the subtext behind Jake’s dialogue. If he thought too much about it, he’d start reading into something that was, in all likelihood, a complete accident. So he busies himself by scoping out the surrounding jungle. It smells fresh and leafy and he can hear distant animal calls and the knowledge that there aren’t people around besides himself and Jake and his brother (and the pilot) is an interesting contrast to life in a city. Then he gives Jake a teasing bump with his shoulder. “Oh, you’re right. Aayla will need upgrading too. Can’t forget about her.”  
  
He feels relaxed now at least— a good change from the wired, spastic mess he was when he arrived. It was stupid for him to act that way and he pins it on the awkwardness and stress that hasn't quite dissipated from coming out of the game to an Earth that wasn't overrun by aliens and a life that wasn't being isolated in an apartment in the middle of an ocean.  
  
Jake snickers at that answer. "Good to know your best pal so clearly ranks high on your blasted reasons list. You're welcome here any time."

 


	12. In which Jake meets Dirk's brother.

They approach the river and that's a soothing sight for the current temperature. There's no time for a swim, but walking next to it is at least a bit cooler than the rest of the island. Of course, there's always a chance of more weird animals showing up because of the nice water. Thankfully, there's not enough for one of those crazy seagoat things, and those tend to reside near the frog temple, but maybe some more of the passive ones will be seen. Regardless, Jake keeps an eye on their surroundings, prepared to defend his best bro if need be since Dirk isn't used to this sort of thing.

"Have things been going well with your brother now that he's back?" the adventurer asks, curious about what the older Dave Strider that works on movies must be like. Dirk's still cooler, of course, but his older brother must be cool, too.

Dirk shrugs in response. His relationship with his brother was fine, he guesses, but it still felt a little weird, especially after meeting young Dave. Though Bro was definitely the same person, certain things must have changed when Dave grew up in this universe. For one, Dirk’s older brother actually acted like his older brother; Dave looked out for him and did a surprisingly decent job at taking care of him, despite being extremely busy with his moviemaking. Sure, he went on frequent business trips, some of them quite long, but he was home a lot too and that was actually pretty great.

“He’s working on a new SBaHJ movie. No surprises there, really, but I figured you like to know since you loved the last five so much. Of course, it means he’s on trips more frequently, so I don’t get to see as much of him,” Dirk shrugs again, nonverbally saying that it doesn’t bother him not having Bro around all the time, in case Jake was wondering. He’s pretty used to not having him around, in fact. “Though he decided to come here with me for whatever reason so you’ll get meet him soon enough. Then you can commence fanboying,” he teases.

"I am not going to fanboy over anyone," Jake replies very matter-of-factly. Sure, Dave has one of the coolest occupations ever, but that doesn't mean he'll start gushing over the fact. He's going to have to stay strong in the face of temptation here. Of course, with Dave around, Jake could always do the proper thing and ask him in private if it would be acceptable for him to court Dirk. Now he feels seriously nervous, though. He needs to make a great first impression.

Dirk raises an eyebrow and looks at Jake suspiciously. “Well, we’ll see when you are actually confronted by his cool Strider countenance. Just try not to do anything that will make me spark up a legit sibling rivalry over your affections.”

He doesn’t really know why he said that. Maybe it was the threat of flirting that Jake had once used when they first met up with Dave and the other alphas? Maybe it was some residual jealousy over his bro’s enormous success when his puppet empire had yet to get its feet off the ground?

“Maybe we should head over there now. Test your mettle,” Strider suggests in an attempt to change the topic.

"Right-o. It's time for that best adventure," Jake says, not even sure if Dirk would remember that comment, considering he was dying on his Quest Bed.

Their stroll back to the house is much quicker. Dirk flash-steps to the bag and picks it up before Jake can, so the adventurer decides to simply tell Aayla to leave its sword behind. The robot does so since it's ridiculously strong for its size anyway; not having a sword is barely a hindrance to the directive of protecting Jake. Said human picks up the little robot and nods to Dirk that he's ready to go.

“We’re doing this,” Dirk shifts the bag and starts off towards the beach where the plane is waiting. He’s pretty excited to be taking Jake to Texas, even though he isn’t letting it show. He’s less excited about the long plane ride, but he’s planning on sleeping most of the way and maybe he and Jake can watch a movie on his husktop and they can just chat away like bros. That will make it tolerable. 

It doesn’t take too long to tramp through the jungle and reach the aircraft. Dirk makes a move for the doorway.

The first hand to reach the door is Jake's. He's looking exceedingly excited about the trip as he opens the door politely and grins at Dirk expectantly. Clearly he's planning for his best bro to step in first. Aayla simply chills in the other arm not occupied with holding the door open while this all transpires.

"After you," he says to emphasize the point, being his gentlemanly self. Unbeknownst to Jake, he's probably making his first impression with Dave right then since he can see the exchange from where he is.

There is a long moment where Dirk looks vaguely bemused and his brows shoot up at Jake since he really doesn’t need the door held for him... but he climbs into the cabin anyway. It’s actually sort of endearing that Jake has been acting so gentlemanly but a little confusing because he doesn’t really remember this happening earlier— maybe there just weren’t doors around? He should stop thinking about this now probably, because Dave is staring at him and the smug amusement radiating off of his bro as he coolly leans back in his seat is infuriating. 

Dave watches Jake enter the plane, at first managing to stay completely straight-faced. Then the younger Strider catches a red-eyed glance out of the side of his aviators directed at him and suddenly Dave is smirking like a douchebag.

“Sup, Jake. Nice to finally put a face to the name,” he says smoothly, holding out a hand to the adventurer.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Jake replies, his grasp on linguistics failing him for just a moment as he gives Dave a firm handshake. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Strider. I'm sort of a fan, but I guess most people would know your face anyway?"

Frig! Jake wonders if that counts as fanboying as he sits down next to Dirk while Dave begins to reply. He can't help but have said something regarding a small perfectly reasonable (and platonic, despite Jake's threat of flirtation) admiration for the older Strider. Despite that, he knows which one is the coolest in his eyes.

Dave is chuckling as his younger brother purses his lips at his best friend. That was without a doubt a poorly suppressed fanboy freakout, Jake. He could tell. Dirk doesn’t say anything but it is clear he’s judging a little.

“It’s cool that you’re ‘sort of’ a fan,” the older Strider replies, still smirking. Dirk pointedly ignores him and tucks Jake’s bag under their seat. “Hey, you should call me Dave. It’s a ‘sort of’ fan privilege.” 

Dirk rolls his eyes hard behind his pointy shades while Dave continues, “And any friend of my bro is chill in my books.”

The plane begins to move, getting ready for takeoff. Dirk turns to Jake, “Is this your first time on a plane, Jake?”

"Yes. I've never rightly been from home before," Jake admits as he feels the vehicle move under them. This shouldn't be too bad since he's been on the rocketboard.

Aayla decides to quickly scramble from Jake's lap and onto Dirk's so it can watch both its charge and the closed door near him. How is such an innocuous action so cute? Jake pets the top of the robot's head for a moment, then does his best to chill in his seat as the plane takes off from the water.

Dirk, of course, knows that this is Jake's first time on a plane but he definitely wants Dave to stop smirking and staring at Jake like an enormous tool and it seems like a good time for a subject change.

He opens his mouth to tell his best friend that taking off is probably the worst part of flying and that there are more pressure changes when climbing in altitude and maybe to tease Jake a little about his first rocketboard experience and only to reassure and comfort him afterward, if he needed it. But his shades suddenly ping at him and he’s opening Pesterchum to check why the fuck his brother is sending him a pester as the plane is taking off.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] \--

TG: p hot  
TT: The fuck?  
TG: im feeling like  
TG: a surge of brotherly pride right now lil bro  
TG: its like fatherly pride but more broish obviously  
TG: like id give you an excellent highfive instead of a firm but loving pat on the back  
TG: its like my way of saying good job son now you are a man with an attractive boyfriend  
TG: couldnt be more proud if i tried i know because i just tried shit wasnt happening

Dirk looks up at Dave with a scowl but his target is serenely messing with his phone like he is unaware that he’s sending Dirk bullshit to make him annoyed.

TT: Wasn’t there an announcement about powering down all electronics during takeoff?  
TT: I’m positive I’ve read somewhere that cell phone radiation interferes with aircraft navigational equipment.  
TG: lies and deceit  
TG: people just get pissed when they sit next to someone running their mouth for however many hours so bam no phones where there is literally no escape other than jumping out the goddamn window  
TG: anyway this is my private plane so no worries there  
TG: its just me my bro and his fine piece of jungle ass  
TT: Stop that.  
TG: oh thats right hes not your dude or whatever the fuck you flipped your shit about earlier  
TT: While that’s still true, I actually am telling you to stop for your own sake.  
TT: You are coming across as distinctly ephebophilic and I’m sure that isn’t your intention. I shouldn’t need to remind you that Jake is fucking underage.  
TG: hes at the age of consent  
TG: looking isnt a crime  
TG: qed im not an ephebophile as long as i just continue scoping from my perfectly positioned plane seat  
TG: my view is pretty excellent btw thought you might want to know  
TT: Seriously, stop.  
TG: look at him staring out the window with the lighting and those eyes fuck i need my camera gotta film this shit make him a star  
TG: also  
TG: yolo  
TT: Oh my god, did I honestly just read that?  
TG: actually lets be serious for a sec why is he so weirdly attractive??  
TG: at first i looked at him and thought jesus dick what a fucking dork nice catch dirk haha  
TG: but now im like legit drawn to him  
TT: Please stop? Does the inclusion of a please encourage the immediate cessation of this bullshit? Please fucking stop.  
TG: its like i know him or something?? he reminds me of someone but i cant figure out who damn maybe i saw his pic when i was trolling a fansite??  
TG: he should have blue eyes  
TG: dont know why i said that but whatever  
TG: do you think i could convince him to wear contacts??  
TT: ...  
TT: I’m done with this.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

Dirk is seriously glowering now as he pulls Aayla into his arms and stares out the window. He knew his brother was just messing with him but he wasn’t quite prepared for the surge of protectiveness that happened when Dave made it seem like he was checking out Jake. Dave would never actually try anything with Jake, he probably wasn’t even actually interested, but just the thought made Dirk want to pick up his katana (that he doesn't even have with him) and demand a strife. So stupid.

Jake is still busily peeking out the window along with Dirk, none the wiser about Dave's messages to rile up the younger Strider. Fortunately, the pilot isn't looking back to the island or he'd see some immense white creatures in a few spots, including a dragon just beginning to take flight around the volcano. He rests a hand on his friend's as they look down at the island from the air. This suddenly feels like a way bigger thing to do now that he's watching his home shrink into the distance.

"There it goes," he murmurs softly to no one in particular. Dirk can certainly hear it, though, also feeling his hand and seeing the slightly nervous sense of trepidation on his face. Jake already knows the highly populated civilization Dirk knows will be jarringly different, even with what he's gathered from films.

Dirk watches Jake subconsciously chew on the inside of his cheek as he watches the island fade from view and doesn’t even think twice about shifting his hand to take in Jake’s. He squeezes it reassuringly, replying, “You’ll be back. And I’m here in the meantime.”

He pulls his hand back when he feels Dave’s smug eyes on them. Fuck that guy. Dirk was just comforting his bro; there was nothing romantic about that handhold at all. It was like a constant high-five or something. “You want to watch a movie? We’re going to be sitting here for a while.”

"Do I? Fuck yes." Jake gladly settles into his seat more properly.

It takes him a moment, but he finally remembers that Dave, the older brother that's basically Dirk's father figure, is still right within hearing range. He flushes, not wanting to mess up and make Dave think he's a total uncouth tool that doesn't deserve to romance Dirk, and adds, "Erm, I mean yes, please. That sounds splendid to me. What should we watch?"

Dirk tilts his head at Jake, confused as to why he corrected himself and is now blushing. It isn’t like anyone in the cabin is going to be offended by swearing. Jake’s heard Dirk curse countless times and his brother makes movies filled with ridiculous insults like “hideous cock”. Dirk decides to brush it off as one of Jake’s gentlemanly quirks. Not swearing in front of strangers is generally considered polite behavior, so that makes sense. There’s still a weird nagging feeling in the back of his mind that maybe there’s more to all of this than Jake being Jake but he keeps it buried.

“Holy shit, Jake. You’re going to let me choose, just like that? No insisting on Weekend at Bernie's?" Dirk shakes his head in amazement as he pulls out the player and flips open the screen. Aayla climbs back into Jake's lap so that Dirk can more comfortably hold the computer so they can see the possible selections. “We’ve got lots of options here. I went on a download spree and I made sure to go for the shittiest ones so that you could feel at home. You’re welcome.”

He scrolls through the options, “But I’ve also got some movies that are still in theaters and a couple that haven’t even opened yet.”

“You’re welcome,” Dave calls out from across the aisle, mocking his brother. He’s ignored.

Looking through the list with a chuckle, Jake deliberates over the dozens of movies Dirk has at the ready for them to watch. One title in particular, one that both of them missed out on last summer while adjusting to their lives outside of the game again, pops out for the sheer absurdity and Jake knows he's found their first movie. "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter? Bro. There's no contest here at all. I can't fathom anything more ridiculously amazing than that title right there. We're obligated to watch the hell out of that."

“Shit,” Dirk replies, figuring that was an accurate response to this movie. At least he hasn’t seen it so there is the potential for this thing not being a load of garbage. It is a small glimmer of hope nestled amongst possibly the most ridiculous title he had ever heard. Honestly, it’s not really looking good for Dirk, but it should be amusing to watch at any rate and Jake is without a doubt going to love it.

He pulls it up and starts it, leaning back in his chair to get comfortable. Aayla strategically tucks itself under Dirk’s arm and watches Jake.

\------------

By the end, Dirk’s whole perception of U.S. History has changed forever. Except not really. The movie was pretty decent though and it took up a good two hours of flight time. Only 9 more to go. He looks to Jake for his opinion, expecting a rave review.

"That. Was. Awesome. I mean, did you see the part with the stakes and the hat? Hilarious! Actually, of course you did, but holy socks, that was great," Jake says very predictably. There's a big smile on his face from that, though he is starting to look a bit tired and even stifles a little yawn. He leans on Dirk's shoulder a bit while his less than stellar amount of sleep from his excitement catches up on him. "Is it cool if I rest my eyes a bit, pal?"

"Go ahead," Dirk replies with a little nod. He doesn't give a shit what Dave thinks about this one; if Jake wants to chill a minute, then Dirk's cool with that. In fact, he’s not even going to look at his brother because he seriously doesn’t care at all. Jake’s just going to close his eyes and rest his head on Dirk’s shoulder and it is a totally bro thing to do and it’s completely chill. 

The adventurer admittedly feels slightly agitated at himself as he feels the haze of sleepiness creeping up on him. He was sort of hoping Dirk would be the first to fall asleep (since he has the suspicion that he's definitely beginning to fall asleep right now and will just pass out later if he tries to prolong it) so that he could have a chance to converse with Dave. He's not sure how comfortable he would be with that, though, considering that Dirk would still be right there and all. Jake's at least able to mumble a "Thanks, Dirk." but then he's out like a light.

Dirk takes in the sleeping adventurer, smilingly lightly as he’s able to see his friend's big goofy teeth peeking from his slightly parted lips. He looks peaceful and his warmth and weight on his shoulder, and even breathing, are relaxing; sleep is definitely coming to the blonde boy. He shifts ever so slightly to get more comfortable, letting Jake’s head nestle into the hollow of his shoulder.

There’s that thumping in his heart again. It feels right to have Jake like this and Dirk might actually love to have his best friend resting against him. Actually, there really isn’t any “might” about it, he does love it. It’s becoming clearer that the feelings he tried to bury, those years of being in love with Jake, are returning. He’s not really sure if he should try to stop them or not. Dirk doesn’t even know if he could. His fingers itch to touch his sleeping friend’s face and hair and he fails to resist the temptation to brush a strand of hair out of Jake’s eyes.

The younger Strider looks up at his brother, who is actually sort of smiling instead of smirking. He catches Dave make a tiny gesture, a thumbs up, and Dirk snorts out a laugh and rolls his eyes, then he’s nuzzling his cheek into Jake’s less-wild-than-usual dark hair and drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, alpha-Dave has been introduced.  
> Also, that Abraham Lincoln movie? It's actually coming out this summer (this fic is now taking place about a year from now). I don't know what the heck it'll be like, but I'm pretty sure it should be hilarious unless it's the boring sort of bad.


	13. In which Jake and Dirk revel in bromance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll have to forgive us since we do have sort of a technical brony Dirk on our hands here. Or at least I should say he enjoys watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and is a squealing fangirl for Rainbow Dash, which I guess is actually similar to canon?  
> I've just heard some people get really agitated about interpreting Dirk as anything close to a brony (because Hussie did pretty much say he's not) and that gets me nervous.  
> Anyway, enjoy the new chapter.

Several hours later, maybe five or six of them from what Jake can guesstimate, he stirs from his sleep. That's a long time to sleep on someone's shoulder, though it doesn't feel too bad from his angle. It's pretty damn nice that Dirk let him do that for so long. He glances over at his best bro to see if he's awake.

Though Dirk probably would have let Jake sleep even if he had been awake, Strider is currently still asleep. But it doesn’t last for long since his fluffy warm hair pillow suddenly no longer existed when Jake moved and that was enough to jerk him into consciousness. He wasn’t a very heavy sleeper anyway.

“Hey,” he murmurs at Jake, his voice groggy with sleep. He stretches out in his chair, rolling and rubbing his neck which is more than a little sore.

Jake stretches out a little as well, not quite as tired as Dirk since he hasn't had to endure as long of a time in a plane. He notices that his friend definitely looks sore right now, so he carefully reaches over and kneads the shoulder closest to him. It should help a little bit and he apologetically adds, "I didn't mean to use your shoulder as a pillow for that long. Does that feel much better?"

Oh. Yes, that does feels nice, Jake, but shit. These fucking butterflies. This is so freaking stupid. There is probably nothing meant by this sort of affectionate... uh, massage or whatever, other than total friendly gentleman-ness or yeah. Fuck. What is even going on? Dirk just ends up staring at his friend with a weirdly dazed expression. “No, it’s fine. It was a good timekiller. And uh, yeah, thanks.”

Dirk forces himself to ease his body away instead of letting it puddle under Jake’s fingers. He doesn’t look at or speak to his friend as he silently reopens the screen and puts on another movie. This time, it’s The Muppets and he is damn sure going to thoroughly engross himself in wacky puppet rom-com antics because it is much better than dwelling on a now present desire to have that massaging hand continuing to rub his neck and possibly elsewhere.

As the movie begins, Jake settles in his seat and watches about intently as usual. He's seen a few of the Muppet movies before, of course, so this isn't anything too new. It is pretty entertaining, though. The opening music itself begins, he quietly hums it for Dirk, feeling pretty chill at the moment after a good rest and now watching a fun movie with his best bro.

Back when the sleeping had begun, Aayla had moved over to chill with Dave so that Dirk and Jake could rest slightly more comfortably. The older Strider's cool with the presence of the little robot and has even started petting it on the head by this point. He's not exactly the type for sincere audible adoration or anything, but he knows that Dirk is a damn genius to be able to build things like that. Basically, he has a model little bro on his hands since he doesn't mind Dirk's quirkiness; he's cool in his own ways, smart, industrious, and clearly has someone special to him vying for his attention romantically, if they're not already an item and Dirk is simply too nervous to admit that. Dave doubts he'd keep that "he's not my boyfriend" charade up so long, though.

The older Strider continues to pet Aayla while covertly watching his younger brother and the island boy. It’s almost hilarious how Dirk is responding to the obvious flirtations of Jake. When Jake started humming along to the movie (actually it was probably more like serenading, which Dave found way too amusing), there was a brief moment where Dirk’s cool just broke and he looked about ready to melt.

There is definitely some serious attraction between the two; it's obviously more openly exhibited in Jake but he can pick up the affection radiating off his little brother, those little flashes of a completely enamored Strider that disappear as quickly as they show. What the hell is the holdup? Part of him wants to send a couple more pesters to his bro, maybe make him a dubstep remix of Can You Feel the Love Tonight. He refrains though, the small smile still stuck on his face as the two younger men subconsciously lean towards each other, appearing completely oblivious to the fact that their shoulders are now touching as they stare, immersed in the movie.

As another musical number begins, Jake stretches with a quiet yawn, almost doing the practically ancient flirtatious gesture of draping his arm over the back of Dirk's chair. He notices Dave looking at them and puts his arms back where they were before, his face flushed slightly from almost doing something like that in front of the older Strider. Jake wouldn't be at all surprised if Dave is all sorts of protective of his brother when it comes to delicate matters like that; he'd seriously be far more comfortable knowing this is something Dirk's older brother approves of before exhibiting maneuvers like that.

Dirk looks up from the screen when he hears his brother chuckle softly, but Dave is now just staring out the window, smirking. The younger D.S. glances over at his best friend, noticing the faintest traces of coloring under his tanned skin like he was just embarrassed by something. Dirk can only assume Dave was just being an inappropriate tool and, once again, there is a burst of annoyance with his brother. 

Dirk checks the time with his shades. Only about two hours until landing. Settling back, they finish the movie (which was awesome, hell yeah Muppets) and then there’s only about an hour left. That’s not really enough time to watch another movie, but it is enough time for two episodes worth of cultural research in the form of magical ponies. 

“I’m putting on MLP.” Dirk doesn’t ask Jake’s permission or opinion or say anything else as he starts the very first episode of the series (he’s being courteous, since he doubts Jake is familiar with the show). He acts totally ambivalent about what’s playing, maintaining a sort of studious disinterest until the theme song starts up and he leans forward a little when a flash of rainbow jets across the screen.

Admittedly, English tries to look ambivalent at first as well but he has no issue with animation. Jake has a practically indiscriminate love of cinema and that includes animation of all types. So far, it's not bad, and he can't hide a small smile as he watches the story of Twilight Sparkle adjusting to her stay in Ponyville as an ancient threat looms ahead and she learns the importance of friendship.

The show continues and Dirk sneaks glances at Jake occasionally to see how he’s reacting to this. About ten minutes in, the younger Strider starts to get a little antsy, like he is anticipating something, and then when a certain blue pony zooms onto the screen, Dirk squeaks out an excited “Dashie!” 

Of course, then he starts coughing as a cover-up because he definitely is not a Rainbow Dash fanboy and he definitely did not just get excited over this show.

Jake snorts with repressed laughter at that one. To think Dirk had been warning him not to fanboy. "I take it you have a particular fondness for a certain spunky blue and rainbow pegasus?"

“She’s...” Dirk wants to play it like it’s no big deal and say something dismissive like “she’s okay” but he fails miserably. He at least manages to keep the squealing excitement from his voice as he murmurs, “She’s just so fucking cool.”

Later, when all of the main ponies have been properly introduced, Jake motions to one of them in paticular while she's in a close-up. "Personally, I have a bit of a preference for that one: Applejack."

It's totally not for the accent, the orange, the blonde hair, an older brother with a red color scheme, or the freckles... Well, perhaps it is just a little. She's tough and dependable, though, even without magic or wings and that's particularly cool. Plus, she has a rad hat. Rainbow Dash is awesome, too, but Applejack has hit his more recent soft spots.

When Jake points out Applejack as his favorite, Dirk grins slyly and drawls out, “That there’s a right interesting choice, English.” He means to be teasing since he doesn’t actually think that the reason the adventurer likes the country pony has anything to do with her similarity to Dirk. Sure, the thought passed through his head, but it’s kind of grasping at straws and he really doesn’t want to get hopeful over some vague insinuations drawn from Jake’s musings on a cartoon character.

“Anyway, AJ’s okay. Doesn’t hold a candle to Rainbow Dash, of course, but she’s an acceptable favorite character,” says Dirk in his normal, less twangy voice. They’ve moved onto the second episode and they are going to be landing anytime now and the younger Strider is pretty fucking excited to have Jake with him in Texas. He's not going to show it past being slightly more free with his smiles but he really is looking forward to showing Jake around.

As the episode comes to a close, Jake gives Dirk a friendly little nudge because that was honestly a fun little show. He can't keep the excitement off his face in the least about the time they've killed as well. The should begin descending for a landing any minute now. He quickly turns to the window to see the land and water under them; he can finally see Texas. "Land sakes alive. That's really it down there, isn't it?"

“Yeah,” Dirk replies, looking at the land dotted with tiny buildings and roads. It’s a little strange to see there actually be something other than huge expanses of water covering a flooded earth. But he’s not complaining.

The plane (able to take off and land on the ground or on water, just for clarification) starts to descend towards a small airport on the outskirts of the city. Dirk switches his attention to Jake, observing him staring out the window as the plane gets closer and closer to the ground.

His hand brushes over Jake’s right as the wheels bump onto the runway. “Welcome to Texas.”

Dirk grabs Jake’s bag and Dave’s out of the cabin as soon as the thing stops, pulling his phone out of his pocket and jabbering away about some movie related thing within seconds while he starts walking purposefully to a shiny red parked car. The younger boys follow, both extremely happy to use and stretch their legs. Dirk shoves his shoulder into his best friend’s, hardly able to contain his excitement that Jake is walking on non-island property, next to him. “Thank fucking god the drive to the apartment will only take 10 minutes. I seriously don’t want to have my ass anywhere near a flat surface for the rest of the day. I’m sleeping on my stomach tonight.”

"Ha ha. I can sympathize with that one. Frig, I'm glad I fell asleep. I can't imagine just sitting still for that long." Jake feels a little tug on his sleeve and picks up Aayla in response, shooting a grin at that. "For not having feelings, she can be damn bossy."

Dirk and Jake climb into the back of the car together. At least the seats are comfier for that ten minute drive. The adventurer flashes a grin to Dirk as he hugs Aayla , a little nervous again but the excitement is winning by a significant amount. He doesn't want to interrupt Dave's call, so he gives his friend a pat on the shoulder.

He's really about to see casa de Strider for the first time. He's only heard of it before, mostly that it's the whole top floor of an apartment complex, but he's never seen it. Perhaps he could have while visiting LOBAS in the game, but he was far more occupied with helping Dirk to ascend, then meeting up with everyone. That sort of thing was far more important than sating his curiosity about any of his friends' dwellings.

It doesn't take much longer for Dave to pull up to the building and park, muting his phone call long enough to say, "Home sweet home, am I right? Lil' bro, you know where to go if you guys want to get there faster."

A moment later, he appears to realize something. He and Dirk ate on the way to the island, but not on the way back and neither did Jake. "You little dudes hungry for something? I don't feel like trying to cook shit after those flights."

“Pizza. Call for pizza,” Dirk responds as he makes a move to get out of the car, itching to show Jake the apartment. They are eating pizza because the fact that Jake's never had the opportunity to sample any is an absurd travesty and there’s no way Dirk is going to let that go on for any longer. 

Dave nods at his younger brother and with a wave of his hand, says, “Have at it.” And Dirk is out of the car and practically dragging Jake and Aayla out too and he’s heading for the stairs regardless of what his brother thinks is the best way to get up to the penthouse apartment because he just sat for practically a day and he’s going to climb some motherfucking stairs. 

It was a stupid idea in retrospect, but both boys are fit enough to make it up the many flights and it feels good to move. At the entrance to the house, they pause to catch their breath and then Dirk opens to door for Jake, mimicking his friend’s earlier behavior. Inside the apartment, he looks to Jake. “Well?”

They are standing in a large living room, with a massive television on the wall and couches (one of them appears to be a futon— sometimes Dave sleeps out here instead of in his room). There’s art around, some sculptures including a ridiculously large bust of Snoop Dogg and various drawings from SBaHJ. It’s nice, upscale-ish but not overwhelmingly wealthy looking. In fact, on the whole it looks like two young dudes live in this place because it is kind of messy with various puppets, swords, and electronic equipment. A kitchen is attached, plus a hallway with several doors.

"So cool." That's all Jake can manage to say about the clearly happening pad that the Striders reside in. He's kind of in awe about how different it is from his own home and dear heavens that's a bust of Snoop Dogg over there. This is just all sorts of rad.

“I’ll show you your room,” Dirk says, walking down the hallway. He points at the first door they pass. “That’s my bro’s room.”

A little further down the hall and Dirk gestures again to another door. “This is my room. I’ll show you it in a sec. Bathroom is the one at the end of the hall.” Then he opens the door located roughly across the hall from his own room. “Yours.”

"Mine?" Jake steps into the room curiously and looks around. The decorating is a bit more nondescript in it since it's a guest room, but it looks fine. In fact, the room looks better than fine to Jake. It isn't home or anything, but it looks like it should fit the bill well enough. He gently touches the bed to test it and it's softer than he thought it would be. This is all getting kind of surreal for him.

Without any warning, Jake turns and gives Dirk a nice bear hug; it's not quite as big as the one where they reunited after the ascension, but it's still obviously happy. He rests his cheek on the blonde's shoulder and murmurs, "Thanks again. For bringing me here."

"Just a moment," Jake says, taking a small detour to the bathroom. After eleven hours, a majority being spent asleep and the rest dedicated to watching movies, he really needs to go.

Dirk contemplates the way that he feels suddenly disappointed by the lack of warmth when Jake pulls away from the hug and leaves for the bathroom. It’s just another weird heart thing to add to the list. Is there really any point to denying these feelings anymore? A sigh escapes his lips. Honestly, he’s always known that being in love with Jake wasn’t some passing teenage crush and it certainly wasn’t anything that he was going to be able to brush aside for long, even with the pangs of guilt over Brobot’s death and Jake’s emotional turmoil encouraging him to give it up.

He gave it a shot, the whole letting go of his feelings for the sake of his friendship thing. The problem is Dirk Strider doesn’t ever give up on anything. Part of him is always going to keep fighting until he gets what he wants. And he wants Jake more than anything. Seriously, he could write novels about how much he loves the derpy, ridiculous, perfect adventurer. It’s not going to change. So, he decides, he’s going to let himself be in love. That doesn’t mean he’s going to revert to attempting some his aggressive plans to win Jake over like he would have before the game, it just means that he’s going to feel however he feels and maybe, if he’s lucky, it will turn out that Jake feels the same without any major pushing from Dirk. It honestly seems like as good of a plan as any of the elaborate wooing schemes he plotted out prior to Sburb. 

After Jake's business has concluded in the (surprisingly small in comparison to the rest of the apartment) bathroom, he quickly strides back to, well, Strider.

"Where to next, Strider?" he asks, wondering if he's about to see Dirk's room. He's suddenly feeling a bit anxious about that one. If that is where they're going, then he's about to see where his best friend and crush specifically resides. How cool is that?

Feeling content with his choices as Jake bounces back to his side, Dirk replies with a chuckle, “Next is my mancave.”

He ushers his friend across the hall and into his own room. He tidied a bit, though his room is never really messy as much as it is just cluttered. But now his bed is made, various robot bits all confined to his worktable, and smuppets and hats and plushes all gathered into a neat pile, except for his two favorite bulbous-nosed friends (green and orange), which are sitting on his bed.

Feeling a bit of trepidation again, Jake looks around the room from where he's standing. It's, of course, appropriately cool and matches Dirk well. He idly notes that for all of Dirk's points about Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff sucking, to an extent that makes it totally ironic at least, he does have plenty of memorabilia for it; mostly in the form of some posters and plushes. He's not going to say it out loud, but he gets the distinct feeling that Dirk has a tender spot for his older brother, even if he does sometimes seem agitated about Dave's success and living in his shadow.

He can't help but note the weird plush things on Dirk's bed as well: one orange with some pale fluff on its head and one green with black fluff instead. It makes him idly wonder if that's a little bit of a greeting gesture for his first entirely voluntary trip from home. The more important situation right now, though, is the fact that Jake is finally seeing one of his friends' homes and now a bedroom. He jokingly says, "This cool room is yours? I'm not sure I can believe such unmitigated poppycock."

"Oh, you deem me unworthy of living in such a fucking awesome abrode? Damn, Jake, that hurts. How can I prove to you that I am perfectly suited for this living space?" He looks around the room and then makes a move for the turntables, smiling slyly (and perhaps a little flirtily). "What if I played a couple of fresh beats for you? Do you think that would help?" 

Jake opens his mouth to answer, but they hear a knock at the front door of the apartment and the doorbell goes off soon after. After a few moments of hearing the door moving and some muffled speaking, Dave's voice calls out, "Pizza's here! Time to stop macking over there."

“So fucking hilarious,” Dirk mutters mostly to himself, before giving Jake a small grin. “Let’s go take your pizza virginity. I can prove my worth later.”

The boys walk into the kitchen and are confronted by an absolutely ridiculous number of small pizzas piled on top of the counter. Dirk raises an eyebrow at his brother, who simply responds, “I figured I’d let our guest experience pizza to its fullest so I basically just ordered everything.” It seriously does look like Dave ordered everything. Dirk pulls open a box: it’s Hawaiian. The next is sausage and onion. Bacon. Pepperoni. Veggie. He begins to arrange each box in a line, like a buffet of different pizzas. 

Dave seems to have no qualms with the amount of food he just bought. “We’ll save the leftovers, no big. Besides, I have to leave tomorrow to fly out to LA for a couple days and at least I’ll know that you won’t starve if there’s a shitton of pizza around. Soothes my conscience.”

The older man grabs a slice of what might be Buffalo chicken pizza (it definitely appears to have hot sauce on it, whatever it is) and munches on it, watching his charges. Dirk pulls a piece from one with at least five kinds of cheese and motions for Jake to help himself to whatever.

Jake pulls out a slice of pepperoni, figuring it's probably best to start small since he doesn't exactly know what he'll like and what he won't. He curiously holds it up and takes a small bite, chewing and swallowing it. Dirk, and even Dave, both await his reaction to his first slice of pizza. He looks a bit stunned as he remarks, "Holy fucking shit. This has to be one of the most delicious things I've ever tasted."

The reaction wasn't quite as cute as when he tried some soda for the first time, but it is amusing to see Jake's amazement at such simple things. He eagerly munches the rest of the slice, not quite at scarfing speed so the Striders are both cool with that. No wonder Dirk had asked if he's ever actually tried it before; whoever came up with this concoction was clearly a genius and that's really all there is to say on the matter. He licks off a little sauce that smudged on his face, then curiously looks at the other varieties, unsure of what to try next.

Dirk has to bite his tongue to keep from smiling too widely. Jake’s reaction might not have been the adorable kitten with the carbonation but it is still pretty cute with his wide green eyes and rather ravenous eating. God, Dirk just wants to take him to try everything. Also, he desperately wants to wipe off a spot of sauce that Jake’s tongue missed... but not in front of his brother.

Noticing Jake’s indecision, the younger Strider takes two slices of Hawaiian, one for himself and one for Jake. He teases, “How about this, English? It’s by far the most adventurous kind here and I know how you shit yourself over adventure. It might not be your thing but I’ll eat the rest if you don’t like it.”

"Ha. I seriously doubt it could be that bad," Jake replies, accepting the piece from Dirk and taking a decent sized bite out of it.

Bleh. That wasn't such a good idea this time. Who decided to put pineapple and ham together? Still, Dirk hinted at liking it and he's not about to disparage someone else's tastes in this stuff; maybe he'd feel differently if he grew up with that sort of thing. "Hm... I think this isn't my sort of adventure, but it's interesting?"

The blonde boy just chuckles at the diplomatic response and leans over to take a bite out of Jake’s piece, staring defiantly at his bro like “go ahead and comment on two best bros sharing a slice of pizza, we can count the number of fucks I give”.

Dave doesn’t say anything though. He just grabs two slices of veggie pizza and slinks to the couch to watch some television, a small smirk on his face. It’s still vaguely infuriating but Dirk’s feeling more chill now since he’s not wrestling with his feelings so he doesn’t really pay any mind. He finishes the rest of Jake’s pizza and his own. “Hawaiian is one of those things you either love or think is totally gross. I’m a reasonable dude and I can respect your opinion even if we are on opposing teams.”

He also takes advantage of the fact that Dave is no longer monitoring them and snags up a napkin to brush away a little red sauce stain on Jake’s cheek with an affectionate smile. There’s not much on his mind now other than how happy he is to have Jake here with him, so Dirk says essentially what he’s thinking. “I’m really glad you’re here, Jake.”

“More eating, less flirting, Dirk,” Dave shouts from the couch, not even bothering to look over at the boys.

Dirk clenches his teeth for a brief moment then relaxes again, replying, ”Someone sounds jealous. Perhaps it’s because I’m still young and totally fuckin’ virile, unlike some creepy old dude I know. Normally I’d feel bad, but the asshole brought it on himself since he’s too busy bothering the fuck out of his younger sibling to find a place to put his dick.”

The eldest snorts a laugh. “Rude, lil’ bro.”

Alright, that was pretty funny and it takes quite a bit for Jake to hold back his laughter over how ridiculous their conversations get. After a few moments of shaking with his repressed reaction, he admits in a low voice, "I'm glad to be here, too."

He picks up some of the cheese pizza and gladly eats it up. Another thing he's fortunate for: Dirk eating the rest of that slice of Hawaiian. Sure, he did it because he likes that kind, but it still spares Jake the effort of eating it out of politeness (which he admittedly would do for the sake of the Striders sparing so much hospitality to someone they had to pick up from some middle of nowhere island).

"Some thanks are definitely in order for both of you picking me up. I know it wasn't exactly a convenience by any stretch of the imagination. You two are the coolest chaps I know," Jake says with a broad smile. He finds his mind wandering slightly to when they met the Dave that was the same age as them and he reassured Dirk that he knows who the coolest Strider is. It still holds water even now, but he has to admit that all of the Striders he's met are cool guys.

“It was no prob-“

“It was my pleasure, Jake,” Dave interrupts, suddenly appearing the kitchen for another slice.

Dirk ignores the fuck out of him, turning instead to Jake. “I’m done eating so I’m going to go wash up. Call me if my bro starts making you uncomfortable in the meantime. I’ll beat him up.”

“Ha ha, you fuckin’ wish, kid,” Dave replies, mussing Dirk’s perfectly styled hair affectionately as the younger Strider walks past and disappears into the hallway. The extremely cool ruler of a veritable media empire chews his pizza and contemplates Jake. There is a long moment of eating noises, then he swallows and says, “Okay. So what’s the deal here?”

"The deal?" Jake asks, his brow a bit furrowed in his confusion. "I'm not sure I follow."

Dave chuckles at the lost look on Jake’s face. “My baby bro is being his usual aloof self and refusing to give me the logistics, so I’m taking it up with you now, Jake, because it’s important to me that I know what’s happening in Dirk’s life.”

He takes another bite of pizza and leans back coolly. “Basically, I’m not entirely sure I believe him when he says you two are just friends. But feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.”

"Oh." The adventurer nods in understanding and replies, "We're genuinely just best buds." It actually takes quite a bit of self-control not to add a "for now" to the end of that statement; it would be presumptuous anyway. Still, he does fully intend to begin making some romantic gestures, depending on certain factors, so hopefully Dirk will feel something similar.

The whole thing probably seems fishy to Dirk, but something about Jake's expression is supporting the "just friends" claim. The island boy is flushing a bit and looks... vaguely disappointed? Maybe he thinks that Dirk is friend-zoning him or something.

It takes a second for Dave to decide that Jake doesn’t seem like the type to be outright dishonest and accept that his two young charges actually are best friends and nothing more.

That, of course, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t think they are into each other. Any asshole with eyes could see that there was something going on with between them that was more than just bromance and he happens to have two that work pretty nicely. He’s definitely not going to play matchmaker though— let them work that shit out on their own.

He gives Jake a grateful nod for filling him in on this detail of his little brother’s life, then makes a motion to head out. 

"Wait, uh, there's something I've been inclined to ask you before you leave, but I sort of needed to wait for Dirk to be elsewhere," Jake admits with a flustered shrug.

Dave raises an eyebrow at that statement. It almost sounds like some big secret or something when Jake talks like that. Dirk should be getting back soon, so he motions for the adventurer to continue with what he's been planning to say.

"I was wondering, since you're basically the closest relation to being his parent and it sounds like a brilliant idea to get your approval... May I have permission to, erm... Perhaps court Dirk?"

At the question, Dave lapses into a stunned silence. Court? Was courting a thing still? Didn’t that die out in the 1900's? Who even asked permission for that sort of thing any more? Jake looked entirely honest about this though, even nervous, like instead of asking Dave if he had parental approval to make out with Dirk, he was asking for Dave to give away Dirk's hand. Of course, the older Strider is pretty sure that no one asked permission for marriage anymore either.

“Jesus,” he utters under his breath. He has to hand it to Dirk because this green-eyed kid in front of him is definitely a piece of work. Dave doubts that there is anyone else on Earth quite like this boy, and he’s sure Dirk knows that.

And, oops, he’s probably left Jake hanging long enough, “Permission granted. Woo away, Jake.”

After finally hearing an answer, Jake's eyes practically light up with joy. Dave thinks he's good enough for Dirk and that's definitely a confidence-booster in this situation. He can only hope that Dirk himself will feel the same way about that subject.

A couple seconds later Dirk comes back into the room and Dave actually smiles as he says, “Later dudes.” Then he leaves for his room, but not before clapping Jake on the shoulder in an affectionate gesture that surprises himself as much as the younger boys.

Dirk confusedly watches Dave go before turning to Jake. “Should I get my katana?”

Jake turns to Dirk as well at the question, but shakes his head and picks up another slice of pizza; some sort with some veggies and meat on it. Readying the pizza, but not quite taking a bite yet, he says, "That won't be necessary, Bro. We were just having a ripsnorter of a conversation."

That's not entirely true, since the real subject of the conversation was serious, but Jake wants to keep the good news a secret for now. Now, he has to devise some ways to woo Dirk but maybe not come on too strong since he's not sure how his best friend feels about a romantic relationship. He takes a bite of the pizza and smiles at the taste because it's definitely another good one, even with those weird little green pepper bits, he's not really sure what they're properly called, on it.

Dirk is sort of suspicious because Jake looks flushed, but he also seems really cheerful and excited so he figures that Dave couldn’t have done anything too horrific. Curiosity is definitely piqued, but the younger Strider decides against asking about it since Jake is busy happily munching away at pizza.

It’s cute. He’s cute. And Dirk allows himself to think that as he hops up to sit on the countertop. So much for not sitting for the rest of the day.

“I want to go to the zoo tomorrow,” he says seriously, because obviously the zoo is serious business.

An enthusiastic nod is the temporary reply Dirk receives for that comment. Jake swallows the bite and leans on the counter next to where his best bro is sitting. "Sounds like a hearty good time to me."

Jake flushes a little at an idea for what else to say and decides to, despite a bit of shyness over it, add, "I'll follow you anywhere you want, Dirk." Yeah, that was ridiculously sappy. Hoping Dirk won't ask too much about that statement at this point since he still wants to do something more romantic to admit his feelings, he takes another large bite of the pizza slice. Damn, that tastes wonderful.

Good thing that Dirk is done eating because he might have choked when Jake decided to make that little statement. As it is, he’s having a hard time keeping his eyebrows from shooting up in shock because he might not have much experience with romance (or even relationships in general) but that definitely sounded romantic. Is he projecting? Probably. But maybe that’s a blush on Jake’s cheeks? (Damn the jungle boy for being so tan, it makes things so much harder.) Still, Jake seems completely nonchalant as he’s eating that pizza...

“Zoo it is then,” Dirk manages to say in a normal voice and he’s proud of himself for maintaining the cool. Of course, he’s at a loss of what to say otherwise because his brain is churning over the idea of Jake actually flirting, so he then sort of stutters out, “You wanna go play some games or something before we pass out?” He’s not sure about Jake but he doesn’t think he’s going to be able to stay awake much longer.

Jake nods while picking up a slice number three. "I'm not one to deny a rip-roaring good activity. Should we figure out what in particular to do while I finish this? It's my last slice, but this is seriously damn tasty."

“There’s pretty much no way we aren’t going to play Mad Snacks Yo.” It’s a thinly veiled (read: not veiled at all) advertisement shrouded in an incredibly shitty game with some of the worst programming he’s ever seen but it is also Dirk’s favorite. “So you finish up that slice and try to mentally prepare yourself for the extreme thrashing you are about to receive and I’ll go start it up.”

Dirk flashes into the living room and sets up the Xbox, taking a seat on the futon-couch with one controller in hand and a second at his side.

"Ha ha. Only because I'll be a beginner, Strider," Jake quips in return. He scarfs down the slice eagerly, licking off the excess sauce from his lips again since he can't help but be a messy eater when trying something so new and good. He gives his hands a quick washing, not wanting to get any sauce or little bit of grease on anything.

Those tasks complete, he bounds over to the futon and flops onto it, picking up the controller Dirk left out for him. "So, how do we go about playing this contraption?"

Dirk groans a little as Jake continues to be the old-timey doofus, but he’s got a little smile on his face so he’s mostly teasing. “Well, the first thing we do is we stop calling the Xbox a contraption.”

He takes Jake’s hands and adjusts them on the controller so his thumbs are positioned properly, all the while pointedly ignoring the fact that this is totally cliché like something out of a teen romance flick. Dirk points to all the different buttons as he explains, “This controls direction, this button makes you jump, hold this one to accelerate and this one to stop, and you do combos with these. We don’t need to worry about the other ones. Just ignore them.”

Using his own controller, he brings up the start screen. “The objective of the game is to collect as many snacks and do as many stunts as you can before you essentially die of starvation.”

At the character select screen, he picks a girl with rainbow hair. He had to mod the game to make it actually playable since otherwise the player would constantly get stuck inside of objects and he decided to add some other features while he was at it. This might have been one of the additions.

"Sounds simple enough..." Jake absently murmurs, looking through the selectable characters. He lands on one and is that? Why, yes it is. It's totally one of Snoop Dogg, under the title of "Huggy Bear". "Oh, I have to pick him, but this reminds me that I forgot to point out what a doofus your were for calling your robotic rabbit by the moniker of Huggy Bear."

He clicks the A button on Huggy Bear to select him and then the short countdown to the start of the little competition begins. The two take that brief moment to glance at one another, then back at the screen. The short countdown reaches zero and they begin in their attempts to digitally thrash one another. Poor Jake is certainly trying, but he can't manage to even coast in a straight line so far. At least he knows to catch the Doritos, but Dirk's taking all of the unreal air.

“Holy shit, dude,” Dirk snorts out, laughing as he ignores his own character and watches Jake barrel into a wall instead of jumping over it. Jake looks vaguely affronted by the laugh though and, even though that is more hilarious, Strider tosses his controller down and kindly says, “Here, lemme help.”

Dirk definitely wasn’t looking for another excuse to touch Jake’s hands or anything. Seriously. He just wants to help his best friend and the hand-holding just sort of happened. Because cradling Jake’s hands holding the controller is a good way to help. Yes.

“We’re jumping,” Dirk murmurs (He guesses he’s lowering his voice now? It’s better for giving directions? Uh.) as he directs Jake’s gun-calloused fingers with his long, sword-calloused ones. They manage to not run into a railing and then pull off a 180, which is better than nothing.

“To your left.” He lets Jake change the direction without physically guiding him but then his thumb is moving Jake’s and helping the adventurer press the right combo of buttons to ollie up into a Pringle.

Jake nods and shifts a little closer to make the friendly help easier. They're actually making a fairly decent team. This actually isn't a half bad game now that he's starting to get a hang of the controls. "I suppose we'll just have to call a truce since you're being so overwhelmingly helpful?"

As they continue making Huggy Bear do all sorts of stunts and grab some mad snacks, Jake notices that they're practically cuddled up together while they share the controller. It's certainly not bad or uncomfortable though, chilling with his best friend that he's hoping to romance with all of his gentlemanly panache and swagger. Right now, everything is just pleasantly warm and close.

“No need. We both know who would have won, Jake. I kicked your ass the entire time I was actually playing and it’s also pretty clear you’re incapable of functioning without me,” Dirk replies, leaning a little bit closer as he puppets Jake into pulling off a really radnasty aerial trick with Huggy Bear.

There’s no point in denying that he hasn’t been fully aware of how close Jake is and even less of a point in pretending he isn’t really enjoying it. Jake smells like grass (or some other, more jungle-y vegetation that reminds him of grass) and sunshine and Dirk feels lame and cliché for thinking that, even if those are the only words he can come up with to describe the outdoorsy warmth of his best friend.

Dirk wonders when his luck is going to run out with this cuddle run. Jake hasn’t pulled away yet, which he’s a little surprised about, but he can’t imagine that this is going to go on for much longer without becoming awkward for his best bro.

"Alright, Bro. I'll concede to your superior snack gathering prowess," Jake replies with a chuckle. It's cool that Dirk's being a mostly good sport about things anyway. Instead of simply flaunting a very easy victory, he's teaching Jake the controls. That's a pretty darn spiffing thing for him to do. The adventurer manages to make a decent stunt on his own and grins ear to ear. Take that, you infernal hunk of hardware! Jake English shall master your secrets yet!

He relaxes into the little embrace and sighs in contentment. Maybe it's not cool to enjoy the physical contact in a slightly more lovestruck sort of way, but hopefully that's not something that would bother Dirk too much. All of the touches he can remember sharing with other humans were the ones that took place in the game. It's probably not the most socially healthy sort of thing, and he's slowly realizing how starved he is for just basic intimacy from friends and his crush in particular, but at least he could converse with them before then.

“Nice work,” Dirk says quietly in response to Jake pulling some more stunts without his help. It reminds him that he should never underestimate just how quickly Jake is able to pick up things. Like the rocketboard. Jake got the hang of it as fast, if not faster, than Dirk himself did. Of course, part of that was probably having a completely legit teacher but still; he’s impressed.

Though, since Jake seems to be doing fine on his own, maybe he should remove his hands. It’s a dilemma- Dirk really doesn’t want to decrease the number of points of contact between them right now but he doesn’t want to be suspiciously affectionate either and risk wigging Jake out. He ends up reluctantly removing his hands but he keeps his head close to Jake’s to give more instructions in the same soft tone.

After watching Jake improve significantly over the next half hour, Strider yawns.

Jake manages to find the pause button and turns to his friend. "Tired?"

He can't exactly blame Strider for that one since they've had a huge day. Honestly, he's almost surprised the two of them had any energy left at all. It's been so great, though. Jake had his first ever plane and car rides, he's finally seeing a city in person, he's with one of his best friends, he tried pizza and real video games (not counting Sburb, which isn't a great example anyway) for the first time... It just gets better and better. Still, he stretches a little and notes, "I think I'm about ready to hit the hay myself."

“Let’s go then.” Dirk stands and cracks his neck before turning off the game via controller. He pulls Jake up, perhaps letting his hand linger on his friend’s for a little longer than strictly necessary. They stroll towards their bedrooms and stop in the hallway outside of their doors. He might be stalling a little, not quite wanting to leave Jake’s company even though he’s going to be right across the hall.

“Do you need anything? More blankets, some water, a plush to cuddle with, a lullaby?” Dirk smirks as he says this, but he’d probably give Jake whatever he wanted and do whatever he asked.

“You’re welcome to all the soaps and toothpaste and whatever in the bathroom. I put a towel in there for you too— it’s green.” Dirk is an excellent host. “Just knock if you need something.”

He pulls off his shades and folds them under the pretense of going to sleep, but mostly he just wanted to look at Jake without them on before bed. There are dark rings around the golden eyes, but Strider appears happy and the look he gives Jake as he lowly says “goodnight” is full of some strong emotions that Jake can interpret as he wants. Then he slips into his room and closes the door.

Jake can't help the enthused but still goofy grin on his face at the goodnight Dirk gave him. Even though his friend probably can't hear him, he replies with a "goodnight" of his own. It's too bad he didn't have to time to say it to his face, but his best bro did look very tired. It's cool since they'll see one another tomorrow anyway.

He retrieves his toothbrush from his bag and walks into the bathroom to get ready for bed. It's not long before he's curled up in the bed of the guest room and thinking about how productive of a day it's been. He honestly can't wait to see what a zoo could be like in person. It's probably fairly expansive in size, though there won't be any close-up encounters with the various fauna like he endured back home on the island. He takes off his glasses and places them on the nightstand, drifting off to sleep for the night while curled up in the monster-print blanket he brought.


	14. In which Jake and Dirk go to the zoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter is extra-long, considering the general length of the other chapters in this part of the series. Enjoy! <3

Dirk is not a heavy sleeper, nor does he sleep for long. So he’s awake early the next morning, before the sun has fully risen and before anyone else in the apartment has gotten up. First thing's first: bathroom. Then comes the primping regime, which involves a ridiculously long shower, brushing his teeth, styling his hair, and choosing an outfit. By the time he’s finished and wandered out into the kitchen to see what’s happening, his brother is about to leave for his trip. 

“Hey, so I’ll be back in four days. I’ll be in touch. Behave yourselves, or whatever the fuck it is I’m supposed to say,” Dave says as he rolls his suitcase towards the door. Dirk follows him and the two perform their special fistbump routine before the younger Strider says goodbye and Dave walks out the door. 

Dirk contemplates waking Jake up, since it appears he is still asleep, but decides against it, instead choosing to make some breakfast for the both of them for when Jake decides to come out. Opening the fridge, he dodges the expected sword barrage then digs around for some supplies. Blueberry pancakes for the boy who loves blue. Sounds like a good idea. He doesn’t usually bother with cooking but he is definitely capable of following instructions on packages of pancake mix.

It doesn't take long for the smell of the pancakes cooking to attract Jake's attention. He groggily walks into the kitchen in a pair of pajama shorts, green with black skulls of course, and a ruffled bit of bedhead. Obviously, Jake wanted to immediately discover the source of that pleasant smell and he smiles when his curiousity is sated. "Mm. Are those pancakes?"

Fortunately, Dirk remembers to focus on the food while it cooks since Jake can be a bit distracting at the moment. It does satisfy some of his own curiosities, though. Jake does have a bit of dark fuzz to his chest and there are some tan lines, though the contrast isn't as apparent as he expected; his skin looks like it's naturally a clearly darker shade than Dirk's to begin with.

“Blueberry,” Dirk replies, flipping pancakes and trying to resist the urge to stare some more at Jake’s bangin’ body. It’s extremely difficult because damn, Jake is kind of glorious even with his sleepy eyes and messy hair. He definitely wouldn’t mind running his hands over that coffee-colored chest- and nope that is not helping the whole not staring thing. There’s a strained expression on his face as Strider forces himself to watch the griddle and keep their breakfast from burning.

Luckily, the pancakes come out perfectly and Dirk divides them between two plates, handing one to Jake before slathering butter and syrup all over his own.

“You want some juice? I’ve got orange or apple,” he says while he shoves weaponry out of the way to get to the oj.

"Orange," Jake replies, looking at the pancakes with obvious and curious interest. He kind of wants to just scarf them down immediately, but he figures he should at least wait for Dirk to join him since he went through the trouble to make them something.

Once Dirk sits down with him and places the glasses of juice down, Jake wastes no time in digging into the pancakes. In fact, since his are still plain, he simply folds one, picks it up, and munches on it. Who needs cutlery at breakfast, right? The taste immediately brings a smile to his face because it's another incredibly delicious thing to amaze the fuck out of his taste-buds and, better yet, Dirk had made some of them for him. He can't help but make a sound of delight because it's all sweet and slightly tart; it's just great for this morning.

Dirk doesn’t dig into his own pancakes quite yet, distracted by the sight of Jake’s enthused eating. The adventurer is like practically creaming himself over the pancakes and his mouth and fingertips are getting stained blue from the berries and he is eating like fuckin' Tarzan and it’s so weird but it’s also kind of...

“Hot,” Dirk mutters under his breath, completely by accident. That was not a thought that was supposed to leave the confines of his mind. He doesn’t know if Jake heard but he’s embarrassed regardless, and he downs his entire glass of orange juice and runs back into the kitchen with a “getting more juice” as a quick, bullshit excuse to escape momentarily.

"Mm?" Jake watches Dirk walk over to kitchen to retrieve some more juice. Did Dirk just say "hot" about something? Was it the pancakes or maybe... Jake himself? The adventurer isn't quite sure, so he decides that, for now, he'll just eat his breakfast. He'll have the rest of the day to attempt wooing Dirk, though it would be easier if he could confirm that statement was about him. It could've been a comment on the weather for all he knows.

When Dirk comes back, he’s armed with napkins, a refilled juice, and a completely carefree, definitely not embarrassed expression. “I’ll take it you like them,” Strider intones as he sits back down and starts on his own stack.

"Are you kidding, Bro? These taste like they're piping hot straight out of heaven," Jake says, totally still gushing over the meal and licking some of the blueberry juice off of himself. He eagerly moves to the next pancake of the stack as Dirk begins eating his own.

Damn, Dirk can program, build robots, adventure, strife, ride a rocketboard, play video games like a boss, AND cook? Is there anything that guy can't do? Jake can't even fathom the answer being any form of "yes" right about now. Strider is amazingly awesome and Jake hopes he can somehow find a way to charm someone so wonderful.

Dirk gives a small laugh at the compliment. He didn’t think that Jake wouldn’t like this meal, since it’s pancakes and you’d have to be crazy not to like pancakes, but it is still nice to see him so enthralled with it. Dirk teasingly replies, “Well, I did make them. Quite frankly, I’d be worried if my pancakes weren’t as divine as the hand that brought them forth. I might be losing my status as a god among men.”

Giving the adventurer new experiences is quickly becoming one of Dirk’s favorite things in the world. Actually, just seeing his best bro enjoy himself makes him feel pretty fucking great. It’s difficult not to grin as Dirk continues to eat while frequently sneaking glances at Jake to watch him scarf down the pancakes. 

“Oh my fucking god, Jake. Use a napkin,” Strider groans, sort of frustrated as he watches his best friend’s pink tongue slide over his juice stained thumb and tries not to sexualize it. He mostly fails but he does manage to throw some napkins in Jake’s face, which makes Dirk chuckle as Jake gives him a look. 

When they both finish eating, Dirk starts to gather up the dishes to wash them. Being the dashing gentleman he is, minus the table manners for certain meals, Jake quickly drinks his orange juice (also delicious) and carries the glass himself. He would do more, maybe offer to take all of the dishes with a particularly suave "allow me" or something along those lines, but he's pretty sure Dirk will be using a dishwasher for this task.

In the kitchen, Dirk avoids looking at Jake, who is following him a little more closely than Dirk can be entirely cool with considering Jake’s current state of undress. The thought that Jake might be shirtless in order to tease him briefly crosses his mind but Dirk doesn’t actually think that the derp is capable of such underhanded tactics nor can he bring himself to believe that Jake knows anything about his romantic feelings towards certain jungle adventurers.

As he begins putting the dishes into the appliance, he says, “You should go get ready to leave. Once I’m done with this, we can leave for the zoo.”

That impending prospect for adventure has Jake beside himself with excitement. He hands over the glass he was holding and eagerly dashes out of the room. Time for a quick shower and any other miscellanious preparations. This is going to be so cool, seeing some (normal) animals as well as other human beings. He'll probably be too distracted by the animals and his best bro to really pay other people much heed, but it will still be interesting.

Dirk snorts at how easy it actually was to get Jake into gear and closes the dishwasher up. There's not enough dishes to merit activating it, but that will probably change sometime after Dave returns and the pizza is all gone.

Despite how fast Jake is no doubt moving to ready himself for the trip, there's still going to be some time to kill, so Dirk walks over to his bedroom to check on Maplehoof, his dear pet whom had been lovingly cared for in his abscence during the game (and when the Striders were picking up Jake) by Squarewave; bless that rapbot's circuits. The tiny pony makes an equally small neigh of greeting when the younger Strider walks in. Dang, tiny animals are the coolest. He gives her a gentle stroke on the mane with two fingers as he says, "You'll have to be good for Squarewave again, alright? I have-"

"A date, Di-Strizzle?" asks a robotic voice teasingly.

"Dude. It's not a date," Dirk flatly states, rolling his eyes at Squarewave behind his dumb pointy anime shades.

"Yeah?" The robot sarcastically adds, "And I'm not a mechanical lyrical master."

"You're not. We both know that honor is all Sawtooth's, wherever the fuck he is, challenging hapless rappers into letting him trounce them with his perfect flow."

"Dogg, that's cold. But he is the best there is," Squarewave admits with a shrug. He learned fairly early on that Sawtooth is definitely unmatched and that actually cheered him up, considering that it proved Dirk's not unbeatable. Squarewave's certain he can prevail against anyone with enough practice. "But, man, that English guy is right here. Don't that mean you're going to say something?"

"Not necessarily," replies Dirk with the usual deadpan expression. "But I decided not to entirely give up if that pleases the sudden inquisitive line of conversation. And along the subject on inquiries, are you cool to watch Maplehoof for a while? I'm going to the zoo with Jake. Aayla can help out."

"Sure thing, Bro. Just beefing up some new rhymes today, but I don't mind petsitting while you're away."

"Cute," the Strider says with a smirk. "And I'll properly introduce you tonight, cool? Just don't be weird or mention Brobot too much. He says he's fine now, but that was damn awful."

Squarewave nods in agreement with that. "Ain't no reason I can compute to bring that up."

Dik nods at that, giving Maplehoof a few more affectionate pets. It should almost be time to drop the wild guy back into a piece of the wild. He walks back out of the room, bumping into Jake in the hall. Other than his hair still being slightly damp from the shower, he looks about ready. Aayla is following him like some little metal shadow, though.

"Ah. Strider, there you are. I'm ready to get this adventure on the move," Jake says with an excited gleam in his eyes. He is so prepared for this... or at least he thinks so.

“Cool. Aayla, you’re staying here.” The little bot looks back and forth between her creator and Jake almost suspiciously, though Dirk never programmed that sort of behavior so that was just projection. “Make sure Squarewave doesn’t start any literal fires. You know how he is.”

Aayla just looks blankly at the two boys as a tinny voice from behind the younger Strider’s closed bedroom door calls out, “Yo man, that ain’t chill!”

The rapbot is ignored and Dirk pats his pockets to locate a jingling set of keys. “Let’s ride, English.”

Unsurprisingly, Jake nods energetically at that line, quickly following Dirk out of the apartment. He's sort of wondering what the heck they'll be riding in, though. He would've expected that Dave had taken the car wherever it is he had gone on business but perhaps that means Dirk has his own available? Or maybe Dave took a taxi or something to the airport? A chartered bus, even? He supposes he'll find out what they'll be taking as transportation soon enough as they take the elevator down the apartment building this time.

Dirk is repressing a sly grin very poorly as they get off of the elevator at the garage level. The Striders have their own private stall within the area, mostly due to living in the penthouse. Dirk unlocks it and slides the door open, revealing a lot of empty space where presumably Dave’s cherry red car would have sat and next to that space…

A bright orange and black motorcycle; it’s incredibly sexy and also incredibly badass. Dirk doesn’t even bother saying anything or masking his swagger as he saunters over to it and pats the handlebars. God, they are going to look so fucking cool on this thing. Getting to show off and take his best bro around on his bike might have been one of the things he was really looking forward to about having Jake come visit. It would be an understatement to say he is proud of his vehicle. 

"Wow," Jake manages to say almost in a whisper, staring at the bike in obvious surprise and awe. That's so cool. He's never been on one before, but that fact is obvious enough already, given his origins. He thankfully doesn't end up swooning despite feeling that it was a distinct possibility.

Hanging on the wall next to the bike are a couple of helmets, including a sleek, shiny new emerald green and black one. “C’mere,” Dirk beckons, pulling the gear off the wall.

The adventurer glances at the conveniently colored helmet in Dirk's hand, then at his face. This won't be a big deal, right? Just him and Strider on a motorbike. It can't be worse than the rocketboard- the plane certainly wasn't. Jake steps forward and carefully takes the helmet from Dirk, slipping it on and looking at his best bro through the visor, secretly thankful that he could somehow still fit his glasses in since he's not sure if that's a usual thing; Strider certainly can't do the same sort of thing with his pointy shades. "How do I look?"

The response is a low whistle and a playful “Goddamn, Jake.” 

But seriously, Jake looks perfect. Insanely cool. Dirk didn’t even think it was possible for the jungle dork to look as awesome as he does right now but he guesses that when motorbikes are added to the equation, everything, even a huge derp, is at least twenty percent cooler. 

“We’re going to have to beat off the ravenous women. Possibly men as well, though this is the south. In any case, no one is going to touch you when I’m around.” That was somewhat more protective than he meant to be but Dirk decides he doesn’t really care since it was the truth. He really wasn’t going to let anyone else get near Jake now. Though he might not be actively pursuing his best friend, like hell he was going to let anyone else try it while he was around.

"Aw, shucks," replies Jake, obviously returning the teasing attitude. He probably has one of those endearingly silly smiles on his face under that helmet, too. "We'll have to break a lot of hearts together."

The comment Dirk had said does get Jake curious, though. Is homosexuality still considered bad or weird in the south? Movies, no matter where they take place, have wildly differing opinions on the matter. Then again, it's Dirk's opinion that concerns him, not the majority of the south or even the world. Dave sounded cool about it.

Dirk quickly pulls a jacket over his grey shirt, takes off his shades, and slides his own matte black helmet on. He raps his knuckles on Jake’s visor before climbing onto his beloved bike and scooting forward on the seat to let Jake climb on behind him.

The tapping on the visor pulls Jake out of his pondering to note that Strider is readying himself on the bike. The adventurer sits down behind his friend, wrapping his arms around Dirk's waist because he doesn't give one fuck how unmanly the gesture is, he's barely spent much time at all on vehicles compared to plenty of people his age. His grip tightens a bit when he feels the motorcycle revving to life underneath them. This is already remarkably pulse-pounding and they haven't even properly moved yet.

Secretly, and perhaps a bit contrary to his adventurous nature in a way, Jake hopes for a truly uneventful ride. He'd prefer nothing exciting happen in their trips by bike than to accidentally cause them to wipe out or for him to get an awkward boner from all of the vibrating from the engine. That stuff would suck to an unimaginably tortuous level.

The dark arms holding his waist remind Dirk that he really doesn’t want to make Jake nervous while riding, so the plan is to take it slow(ish). As the motor purrs and rumbles, Dirk gives his best friend’s hands a reassuring pat before he leans forward, gripping the throttle and clutch in his gloved hands and they start moving.

Though it is tempting to shift the bike into a higher gear and fly out of the apartment complex and onto the highway (which may or may not be what he normally does), Dirk drives safely. There is some seriously precious cargo on this thing with him today and the last thing he wants is for anything bad to happen to Jake. Speaking of the adventurer, it doesn’t seem like he has loosened his grip at all. Not that Dirk minds— he has to admit he’s definitely enjoying the way Jake’s body is pressing against him with his arms wrapped tightly around Dirk’s middle. It’s a shame that the trip only takes about 15 minutes. 

They pull into a parking lot and Dirk straightens up to remove his helmet and quickly fix his hair while Jake disengages. Once his face is uncovered it’s a little easier to talk. “Hey, guess what? You didn’t shriek in girlish terror like you did with the rocketboard. Nice work, English. I’d count this trip as a pretty fucking big success so far. I’m making a real civilized man out of you. Give me a congratulatory pat on the back, would you?”

Taking off his own helmet and captchaloguing it for later, Jake rolls his eyes at the request. He does give Dirk that pat on the back, though, because he's such a great, gentlemanly sport and all. It was a fun ride, even if it lasted far shorter than he expected.

"I'm just glad we made it in one piece, Prince of Hotdogging," says Jake with a teasing smirk far more charming than should be reasonably allowed as Dirk dismounts the motorcyle. The adventurer climbs off after and looks at the sign for the zoo. This is going to be so incredibly fun.

He grasps Dirk's hand in his own and basically drags his best bud forward with him. As they step into the admission line, he's practically bouncing on his feet. At least it looks like he has plenty of energy to burn and an outlet for it. Now that Dirk is back to standing in one place, he takes the opportunity to place his shades back on while Jake obviously waits for the line to start moving. Thankfully, English is exhibiting some mostly model behavior despite his clear excitement so far; no complaining or pushing through the line. Then again, Jake's always touting himself as a gentleman.

Now that Dirk can take a look at Jake, he notes that the other boy didn't exactly get helmet hair from the ride; it just became more dishevelled than usual. It's clear that the usual cowlick is genuinely au naturale for his friend's locks. Dirk’s lips keep twitching upward uncontrollably as Jake rocks back and forth on the balls of his feet and cranes his neck around to take in everything he can, even though they haven’t even gotten through the entrance. 

By the time Dirk has gotten to the ticket window and dished out the cash to pay for their tickets, Jake is like a coiled spring ready to snap. When Strider hands a ticket over to his not-date, Jake showers him with thanks and practically glows, his bucktoothed grin as wide as Dirk’s ever seen it. 

Suddenly the blonde is seriously thinking about how much he wants to kiss Jake for being so cute and for expressing his interest and excitement so openly. Now that he thinks about it, he and Jake are sort of opposites in that way. Dirk is generally very good at keeping his real emotions corked under a mask of amused/annoyed indifference. Jake... well...

Jake takes a couple of playful and extremely thrilled swings at Dirk’s shoulder, practically chanting, “Bro, this is so rad!” 

Dirk doesn’t even flinch as Jake’s keyed-up fists connect with his arm (not that Jake was really throwing punches with any force anyway) but he does grab at his best friend’s fluffy head and ends up locking his arm around Jake’s neck. Grinding his own fist into the already tousled mess of hair, Dirk says with a chuckle, “Don’t you think you should reserve judgment until we actually get more than five feet into the zoo?”

"But I've never seen anything like this befoooore..." Jake whines, still grinning like crazy and squirming at the noogie. When he finally manages to break free, he runs a hand through his hair to somewhat lessen the crazy fluffiness and takes Dirk's hand again, tugging him forward. "C'mon, Strider! Show me everything."

The first exhibit they end up coming across is one for red pandas. Jake walks up to the glass curiously and, at the sight of the small red-brown creature, his face lights up. He gives Dirk's hand a squeeze to make sure his friend sees the adorable little scamp as well. He's paying more attention to the red panda than their contact, but it's soothing to be able to feel Strider's hand tangled up with his own.

The red panda climbs up a small tree as Jake watches with a look of wide-eyed curiosity and excitement that appears intent on staying that way through their entire visit. That would actually be great to see the islander so unabashedly pleased all day; it's certainly much better than in the game when he kept getting hurt from losing everyone and struggled to stay strong for the sake of the team. It's hard to imagine they went through so much for this world, this universe, and no one but the people directly involved in the events will ever know. All four of the friends being in the same time, with Roxy and Dirk reunited with their guardians, and stopping the tyranny of the Batterwitch were more than worth everything, though.

Though the little raccoon-like creature is insanely adorable, Dirk, unlike Jake, is much more focused on the hand holding going on at present. It’s a pretty innocent gesture on Jake’s part, especially since the dude is so excited that he’s probably going to end up dragging Dirk everywhere (despite commanding his bro to “show him everything”). But Dirk is still well aware of the fact that Jake letting go is not a thing that is happening, even as the wound up adventurer stands (mostly) still and stares at the pandacoon (more accurate name). The thought of pulling his hand out of the embrace rests heavily in his mind: Is it weird if he doesn’t pull away? He doesn’t really want to if Jake is willing to hold hands.

He thinks his palms might have started sweating from thinking too much about everything and he’s thankful that with the fingerless gloves on, it’s probably not noticeable but damn, it’s still uncool how nervous he’s getting about this.

The red panda curls up on a platform and goes to sleep, so Jake turns to his bro, flashing him an extremely charming and toothy grin before determinedly spinning around and scoping out the nearby enclosures. For a moment it looks like he is going to drop Dirk’s hand but he ends up just shifting his hold and gripping tighter before starting off and Strider’s heart jumps in the best way because this is basically a fantasy turned reality. The person he’s in love with seems to want to walk hand in hand with him while in public— and shit, this zoo trip kind of does seem like a date now.

After a moment of indecision, Dirk tries to nonchalantly weave their fingers together as Jake pulls him along to the next exhibit that catches his eye. Jake feels Dirk's fingers mingling between his own and gives a gentle squeeze in response, a slight tinge of pink spreading across his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Still, there's adventure to be had and they're just the chaps to experience all of it.

They take a quick look at the sea lion exhibit, watching as they jet through the water for a few minutes, then continue on to the macaws. Now this one's really caught Jake's eye because of how vividly colored some of the various types of birds are. Some of them are blue and yellow, some green and red, and there's even several that are practically rainbow; Jake would bet that Dirk likes those the best since he's a flashy sort of guy. The adventurer leans towards Strider just a bit, their hands still pleasantly entwined, and asks, "Aren't they damn well amazing?"

Being hidden behind the shades, Jake can’t tell that Dirk is pulling the clichéd “stare at object of affection while vaguely discussing the aesthetic value of something else” thing. “Mm,” he agrees, all the while wondering how Jake’s eyes are allowed to be prettier and more green than the feathers on the Military Macaw (which he doesn’t bother looking at for more than a few seconds). “They’re pretty fuckin' beautiful.”

Then Jake turns his head away to look some more and Dirk breaks out of his thoughts to actually admire the birds. He really does love Scarlet Macaws. They are like the animal form of a rainbow— and though it might be considered stereotypically homosexual to say so, he likes rainbows. “Those are the best ones, hands down.” He points to them and clucks his tongue and they turn their heads to the side to look at him curiously but remain otherwise indifferent.

They go around the loop of bird exhibits and the only time they stop holding hands is when Jake lets go to hold the door of the aviary. But as soon as Dirk gets inside, the adventurer picks up right where they left off and starts dragging his friend around again, murmuring in amazement at brightly colored birds that flit past their heads and nearly land on them, earning himself a grin from Dirk. At the end of the aviary is an enclosure with native birds, including some fluffy headed tiny ones that look familiar to Jake.

"I've seen those before," murmurs English, his hand tightening slightly around his best bro's as he watches the small crested birds. "Several showed up in the game, when you..."

He peeks over at Dirk again, as if to make sure he's still there and Jake is still holding his hand. He smiles at the visual confirmation and relaxes again, looking up at the small birds as they flutter around. They were definitely an appropriate choice to appear for Dirk during his ascension; the fluffy crests on the titmice remind him of the younger Strider's hair. He almost jumps in surprise to see one of the tiny birds land on Dirk's shoulder, giving his jaw a small rub with its beak, as if it somehow knew the Prince's significance. Jake strokes his friend's hand with his thumb as he watches Dirk's reaction to the small creature.

Dirk reaches up to his shoulder and the bird gives a couple of peeps and flies away. He turns to Jake.

“When I died?” The blonde suggests and Jake looks simultaneously surprised and vaguely pained which lets Dirk know his guess was right. He explains, “One of the things I did on LOBAS was free the Titmice— they were tangled up in the strings that were all over the sky. I guess I figured they would repay the favor at some point.”

Thinking back to his death, he couldn’t actually remember if he saw the Titmice come to him or not. He was probably already dead. “And they must have done it, since here we are now.” The look on his face, though mostly devoid of emotion, gives the tiniest hint of some internal conflict.

He remains quiet and contemplative as he pulls a little ahead of Jake and leads them towards the numerous different monkey and ape exhibits. They reach the elephants and Strider still is focused on something, though he responds to all of Jake’s awe at the animals. Finally, while staring hard at a baby elephant stumbling along after its mother, he pulls his hand out of Jake’s and says, “Occasionally I think that the new universe would have been better had it been only us on it.”

"Only us?" Jake repeats questioningly, looking a bit confused at the prospect. He's not sure if he can agree with that one, being almost entirely alone on an island for his whole life, but maybe there's some reasoning he's not getting there. At the very least, he is slightly disappointed that Dirk pulled his hand away.

Regardless, he politely waits for a response as he watches Strider muse over things and regard the elephants. Jake sort of wishes that the four of them actually lived closer to one another in this new universe, but they're all together in a safer universe and it would probably be excessive to ask for more. Dirk and Roxy were even lucky enough to attain their guardians again. Jane still has her dad, but Jake... well, his grandma is still dead and gone. A real shame, but it's not like the others listed had died by this time anyway; just far before the time of Dirk and Roxy rolled around.

Dirk’s mouth twists into a not-quite smile. “Don’t get me wrong, I realize that is the sort of word vomit that only a selfish asshole would spew. But I like to think of myself as a pretty self-aware dude and I can’t really make any objections to characterizing myself that way.”

Out of the corner of his shades, he looks at Jake. “Though it sounds weak as fuck to admit, it was extremely difficult to adjust to—“ Dirk searches for the word he wants and ends up lamely saying, “Everything.”

“I spent almost my whole life with an alien overlord breathing down my neck, isolated in the middle of what was essentially the second Flood. I sure as fuck didn’t want that life forever but.”

He scoffs at himself. “It’s like Stockholm syndrome, except, you know, not really analogous to that at all since instead of a single person being my captor, it was the entire goddamn world. There’s a sort of wistfulness I feel for how it was that I don’t really understand.”

“I still wouldn’t hesitate to play that piece of shit game again to bring back my bro or save you or Roxy or Jane. But honestly, I think that’s the only reason I played before and it’s the only reason I’d play again— as in, I don’t give a fuck about the rest of humanity. So I guess I’m going to sound like a douche for a little longer and say what being out in the world, the new world, makes me think about. There are so fucking many people and they don’t even know the shit we went through, what you went through, and it kind of just floors me. How many of them actually deserved a second chance?”

Other visitors to the zoo are milling about the exhibits, completely oblivious to the blonde boy’s damning monologue and equally oblivious to the fact that without him and the boy he’s standing next to, as well as two girls on opposite ends of the country, they wouldn’t be around at all. Dirk actually gives a bark of laughter as he turns fully to Jake.

“Goddamn, I sound like a judgmental prick and this was a huge tangent that got way too fucking deep for a trip to the zoo, so let’s just go gets some ice-cream or something.” Then Jake’s fingers are once again tangled up in Dirk’s and the Prince of Heart is directing them to an ice cream cart.

A bigger smile spreads at the renewed hand holding and the mention of ice-cream. Jake does reply to the tangent as they begin walking again, saying, "What you said does make sense. I didn't exactly play for anyone but us and for the thrill of some adventure and sometimes so many people milling about makes me feel weird, but... Well, there have to be some people that do deserve a second chance among any bad eggs, right? Let's think of them and what we've managed to regain."

There's another thing Dirk likes that contrasts with him: Jake's optimism towards most things. Somehow he can still look at the world with an open-mindedness that sometimes surprises Dirk, particularly with how old-fashioned English can be sometimes. Sure, Jake will sometimes complain, he's not exactly the best listener, and he won't take much bullshit from anyone, but he clearly has a rosier outlook. Maybe part of it is that, despite his isolation, he didn't live in a post-apocalyptic world. Then again, perhaps Jake could've been just as resilient there.

They stop at the cart together and Dirk decides to keep things simple for now. Just two vanilla bars with a chocolate shell. When he's paid for them, he moves them aside and hands one wrapped treat over to Jake, showing him how to properly open it and to hold it by the popsicle stick in one end.

The other boy follows the steps and takes a curious little bite, smiling at the taste of the cold snack. He gives Dirk a definite look of approval at this new culinary experience. "Mm. This is frigging exceptional for the warm weather."

“Can't say I disagree, though ice-cream is delicious all the time,” Dirk replies, sucking on the corner of now exposed vanilla on his bar and watching Jake nibble on the shell of his. After he makes sure that Jake isn’t going to drip on himself (well, at least not all over), they stroll past enclosures with bears, wolves, antelope, and ankole cattle (they're really awesome and Dirk likes to look at them because they are possibly the prettiest cows ever).

When they stop to look at some chimps, Strider checks on the status of Jake and his ice-cream. And surprise, surprise, there is chocolate all over the adventurer’s lips. It gets a nice Dirk eye roll; it’s almost like Jake tries to be a messy eater (even though it’s actually just that Dirk is insanely neat and anal about eating). Of course, rolling his eyes doesn’t mean that he isn’t finding a chocolate-covered Jake rather tempting.

Taking a small step closer, he tilts his head at his best friend. They are nearly the same height, but Dirk is a little taller and he looks it, since Jake is built like kinda like a tank, all solid and barrel-like where Dirk is narrow and sinewy. Strider frees his hand and brings it up to the corner of Jake’s mouth, brushing his thumb across the chocolate smeared and pouty lower lip.

“Fuck, Jake,” he murmurs, not really intending to sound as husky as it ended up coming out. “How many times are you going to insist on making a big ass mess of yourself?”

After swiping off the offending food off of Jake, Dirk pops his thumb into his mouth to clean it. Yeah, okay, so it is a little flirty, but he doesn’t see the problem with it.

Jake feels his heart flutter at the gentle touch Dirk uses to clean his lip of the chocolate and he can hardly believe when he sees his friend clean off his thumb like that. He feels his cheeks flush at all of what just occurred and manages to murmur, "Uh, sorry, thanks."

His lack of eloquence just darkens his blush and he tries to alleviate it by gathering up the trash from their ice-cream, throwing it in to the nearest can for Dirk. Despite his clearly embarrassed reaction, he doesn't hesitate to take Strider's hand again; that's a good sign. Jake leads him over to the next enclosure where some white rhinos reside. The name is a bit silly as far as English is concerned since they're not exactly a proper white like the creatures back on the island. Still, they're big and impressive creatures for everything displayed in the zoo. Everything's been so awesome to see so far.

"I like it here," says the adventurer as an idle little comment. It's definitely a true observation. In fact, he technically means it about all of Houston that he's seen so far, even if it isn't much. He's seen and done so many things in less than two days, it absolutely amazes him.

“Good,” Dirk says with a small smile in return. He loved having Jake here with him. It actually made his chest give a painful pang when he thought about Jake leaving; Dirk would probably be happiest if his best friend and love interest never had to leave his sight again. They wouldn’t have to stay in Houston, he just wanted them to stay together and wow that was really sappy so he’s going to cut this line of thought off and check out these sweet giraffes.

The giraffes are pretty awesome but when they turn around, there is a carousel and that is without a doubt way more awesome.

Jake peeks over at Dirk, who happens to be smiling slightly at the sight of the carousel, and begins grinning as well. This could be an entertaining opportunity. He gently squeezes his best bro's hand to catch his attention and waggles his eyebrows jestingly, asking, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Of course Dirk is thinking of the same thing, so Jake eagerly tugs them into the line. The two are allowed in, with the usual small fee, on the next round. Dirk decides to go for a zebra on the outside edge, so Jake takes the tapir next to him. As they wait for everyone to take their seat, the adventurer cranes his neck curiously to look at their surroundings. His eyes are practically glittering with excitement behind his glasses.

Sitting on his majestic zebra steed, Dirk scopes his best friend’s ride. “A tapir, Jake? Really?” It is painfully clear who is looking cooler right now, not that that was ever up in question since Jake looks like a dork pretty much 100% of the time and Striders are never not fucking awesome. Still, it is pretty cute how excited his goofy companion looks atop the weird elephant-pig hybrid so he gets some smiles out of Dirk.

"Hey, I'll have you know that tapirs are rad animals," Jake says indignantly, though he mostly picked the creature in question so he could sit next to his infuriating and wonderful buddy. When the ride begins moving, English makes a small gasp of surprise and holds the pole in front of him tightly, not really expecting the up and down motions. It's not actually bad, and he should've expected it, but he was just too excited to properly observe that occurrence beforehand.

Once the ride is in full swing, Dirk playfully kicks at Jake’s leg with his foot to get his attention. “When the ride stops, the animal that is higher is the victor of this non-literal race. The prize can be that the loser does one thing— whatever the winner wants— for the winner, within reason.”

Oh, now that little wager sounds promising. Jake smirks and secretly banks on winning himself a smooch. That would be within reason, right? It sounds reasonable to him. "You're on. Prepare to lose, pal."

“There’s no way I am losing to that fuckin’ hideous abomination of fauna you’re riding. Not while posting proudly on Zephyros, King of the Zebras, named for the west wind upon which he flies,” Dirk retorts, tossing his blonde head regally. He really, really, really has no right at all to ever call Jake a nerd. 

The carousel circles several times, then starts to slow. Dirk stares intently at Jake as they begin to creep up and down and for a second it looks like Jake will win... But the ride ticks forward a little more and Zephyros assumes the throne as a way better animal than a tapir and also just stops about an inch higher. Dirk gloatingly says, “Told ya’.”

He smoothly dismounts and pats the painted wooden head of his steed while Jake hops off the tapir with a frown. He wanted that kiss. Maybe Dirk would ask for something similar? There is a glimmering hope in his emerald eyes as he stands in front of his best bro, awaiting his fate.

“Kneel before your Prince, Page,” Dirk demands, hand outstretched to point at the ground.

Well, there's some mild disappointment for sure, but a deal is a deal and Jake is a man of his word. He rests on one knee, but also takes the outstretched hand in his own. He looks up at Dirk, straight in the eyes (or more accurately, straight in the dark shades), and softly asks, "And has your faithful servant met your approval?"

That was supposed to be a bit smarmier than it came out. Dang, Jake's not even sure if that could come out more gentle and lovestruck than how he just said it. Despite that, his eyes resolutely continue gazing up at Dirk's sunglasses as his hand continues to gently cradle Strider's. He's managing to keep a remarkable amount of dignity so far. At least that's something, since he didn't get his kiss.

“Hm.” Dirk’s orange eyes peek out from the bottom of his shades while he haughtily contemplates the kneeling Page. It’s actually a bit of a struggle since Jake is being legitimately swoon-worthy at the moment. Dirk had been expecting whiny, snarky reluctance, not this totally willing submission from a surprisingly dashing vassal. Damn, maybe he should have asked for a kiss instead if Jake was going to be this compliant. Oh well.

Regal as anything, Dirk finally says, “The Prince does indeed approve of you and your deeds, Page English. It would please him greatly for you to remain his loyal vassal. Will you swear fealty to him and his kingdom?”

Jake flashes a dashing grin at that, bowing his head reverently for a moment to accommodate this ridiculous amount of playfulness, then looking back up as directly as before. Strider's going to get a real kick out of this. "With all my heart, Your Highness."

That. That was. Well.

The slightest hint of a flush appears across Dirk’s normally pale, freckled cheeks and the blonde does his best to stay impassive while his brain whirls with the loaded dialogue between the two. In his insincere way, Dirk had essentially asked Jake to be with him, without specifying whether he meant romantically or otherwise, but Jake’s response definitely made it into something romantic. Does this mean... is Jake interested? The adventurer has a sort of playful smile on his lips, but his eyes are incredibly sincere and chillingly intense. It makes Dirk feel lightheaded. “Uh,” he breathes, barely able to get that not-even-a-word out of his mouth.

The derpy Page of Hope has basically broken the Prince of Heart. And the scary thing is that Jake didn’t even have to try that hard. Dirk just doesn’t know what to do with the idea that Jake might actually be in love with him. “Cool,” he mutters, pulling his hand out of Jake’s. “You can get up now.”

Jake bolts ahead just slightly, taking Dirk's hand very gently as the other young man steps off of the carousel platform. So very chivalrous of Page English. They might've made a slight spectacle of themselves, but not enough for people to actively stare. No one really cares that much about the two guys goofing around. That's cool with both of them and they exit the carousel together, hand in hand as they have been through practically the entire zoo adventure.

As they continue strolling along, Dirk lapses into one of his contemplative silences. Internally, he’s churning through what to do about Jake; whether to start pushing harder for something or whether to let things continue on the path they are on now. It’s tough, feeling like there isn’t really a leader or a plan, it kind of kills him to not have everything set in his brain but he was the one who decided to not give up on his feelings and go along with whatever. 

He makes little headway on the matter before they end up in the middle of the petting zoo and he is distracted by the ability to pet sheep and stuff.

So, how does a heartthrob immediately turn into a doofus? Apparently, it's a trade secret belonging to Jake English. Right now, the derp is gleefully doting on a goat that's chewing on the edge of his overshirt. The seriously perplexing part of this sight actually comes from the goat's serious bout of disinterest; it's getting its ears scratched by His Hopiness himself and yet it's perfectly chill. That goat certainly is not entirely beside itself with how great it is to recieve affectionate attention from Jake. Perhaps Dirk should ask for pointers for being indifferent in the face of those fucking gorgeous eyes and that charmingly quirky smile, not that he wants to be entirely but he would like to have some measure of coolness back.

Jake gently tugs his clothing away from the goat's mouth with a chuckle. He doesn't seem to actually mind it, probably since he's wearing his "adventure clothes" and all, but there's no reason to support the attempted snacking. Dirk's not even sure if Jake has clothing modes other than adventure or pajama, but whatever. Getting nibbled at by a goat isn't the typical definition of an adventure by far.

“Holy shit,” Dirk says suddenly, looking at the barn, and then he is off to give some manly approval to (coo over) a miniature horse. It’s a good enough distraction from Jake to make his face stop flushing and it affords him a little bit of time to push aside the never-ending loop of conflict over what to do.

Jake still follows though, standing next to his best bro and looking interestedly at the small brown and white animal that is being thoroughly loved and petted. “I should have known you’d go for the pony, eh Strider?”

The look on Dirk’s face when Jake starts running his mouth could drive a grown man to his knees in apology. Of course, the fucking adventurederp just gives a hearty laugh at the open outrage and laughs even harder when Strider grabs Jake by the collar and hisses, “This is not a pony, English. A pony is the majestic creature that the hack Betancourt nearly ruins by shitting out stories for little girls that don’t even understand that having a club for goddamn ponies is the most daring dream anyone could ever have. A pony is what Maplehoof and Rainbow Dash are. But this beast is a miniature horse and it’s awesome.”

The horse gives a little nicker of what can only be assumed is agreement and pushes its nose into Dirk’s hand for more pats, which are freely given. The blonde looks almost entirely serious as he says, “Now kiss off and continue to be eaten by goats, English. You have wronged me and Butterscotch.”

"Butterscotch?" Jake chokes when his laughter finally calms. "That's frigging adorable."

The adventurer pets the small horse's mane in amusement, as well as in slight apology for misnomer. He kneels down next the horse, balancing on the balls of his feet, and stage whispers, "I think Prince Dirk didn't appreciate my little faux pas, Butterscotch. Help me get a good word in with your equine charm?"

Butterscotch simply whinnies and noses Jake's cheek. Perhaps that's a decent sign? The horse sniffles at Jake's face and hair, causing the adventurer to snort in response. It practically turns to giggles quickly with how ticklish the action is and he attempts to very softly push the animal's face away. "Ha ha ha. Hey, guy. That tickles. Cut it out."

That must be the miniature horse way of putting in a good word because it's too ridiculously sweet. Dirk, of course, is keenly aware of how cute Jake is being. And it goes without saying that Butterscotch is also cute. Though he was never actually angry, the combination of Jake and horse makes him absolutely melt; it is really almost too much for him.

Butterscotch turns to Dirk and give a brief nibble to his hand, then turns back to Jake and continues blowing his hair around while Jake just giggles and keeps trying to push the horse away. Agh, why is this happening? It’s like the universe wants to torture Dirk by putting all of the things that he loves right in front of him when it knows that he’s not able to do what he wants to do— which is grab Jake and kiss him passionately, then throw him on Butterscotch and ride off into the sunset with him and never look back.

Jake gets knocked on his butt by a particularly firm nudge from the horse that throws him off balance. He looks surprised for a minute as he lands on the dirt with a whomp but then bursts back into a giggling fit while getting raspberries from Butterscotch. Dirk makes a pained noise. “Okay, alright, Jesus dick, Jake, you’re forgiven, okay? Now step away from Butterscotch before I die of kawaii,” he grumbles.

Jake looks confused, despite still shaking with laughter. “Huh? What the devil is a kawaii?” he asks but Dirk pointedly ignores the question as he grabs Jake’s hands and hoists the adventurer to his feet.

Speaking of the sunset, it looks like it might be heading into late afternoon. They had spent quite a long time at the zoo and had seen basically everything, so perhaps it was about time to leave. “Think it’s time to head back home?”

"Yeah," Jake replies, taking Dirk's hand yet again because he just can't get enough human contact. "I'd fucking love that."

They walk back out to the parking lot and find Dirk's ever sexy motorcycle. With helmets in place, they position themselves on the bike and Dirk tries not to make a big deal of the tanned arms around his waist or the face that he can feel Jake leaning quite comfortably against his back. It almost feels like the islander sighs behind him, but no, this isn't a thing to think about. Jake's hold tightens ever so slightly when Dirk revs the bike and takes them back home to the apartment.

When they step into the elevator, Jake's stomach rumbles nice and loud. Unsurprising since he dashed back and forth all over that zoo while dragging Strider along for the ride. His cheeks flush ever so slightly at the sound he made. It's probably around a proper dinnertime anyway. "Sorry. Guess I burned more energy than I thought, getting hungry so soon."

Smirking slightly at Jake’s flushed cheeks, Dirk waves him off and says, “It’s cool, I’m pretty famished too.”

They stumble into the apartment and Jake bolts for the kitchen, dragging Dirk along with him. Time for more pizza. Dirk hasn’t quite gotten tired of eating it but he can feel the boredom with cheese and sauce covered bread starting to sneak in. Soon he’s going to have to have something else. Jake’s still completely enthralled with it though and his eager, puppy-like reaction to Dirk pulling a box (and a couple of swords) out of the fridge is enough to make Strider more than okay with this dinner.

After the pizza is heated up, the boys take their plates into the living room and crash on the futon couch. They immerse themselves in some television and Dirk makes sure to change it to something he thinks Jake will find interesting and ends up on Man Vs. Wild.

They are in the middle of watching Bear Grylls set a frightening looking trap while chewing on pizza when a loud thunk sounds from the direction of Dirk’s room. Strider jerks his head up, a little frown on his face. He calls out, “Yo, Squarewave? What the fuck was that?”

"Nothin'. Just Maplehoof giving some wicked sass. It's cool. It's all cool," Squarewave replies. They probably knocked over something but it could be anything with that reaction. Well, not anything, since Aayla's around to minimize the damage.

Jake curiously peeks at the hallway from the couch, not that there's anything to see from that distance or angle. Still, it's sort of endearing to see things pique the adventurer's curiosity. He's never met any of the rapbots, after all.

Dirk’s frown deepens a little more, now mixed with some suspicion. It hadn’t sounded like everything was all cool and the idea of Maplehoof doing anything other than being a cutie and sleeping is a little farfetched. Aayla runs out to the two boys and stands in front of them, looking at them seriously. Jake holds his hand out to her and she takes it and climbs onto his lap but continues to look at Dirk with a serious face, not that she was capable of really any expressions but she definitely looks particularly grave right now.

With a slight bit of edge in his voice, Dirk says, “Hey Square, if you would drag your metal ass out here right now, that’d be just fucking great. Bring the sassy pony with you, please.”

Squarewave quickly walks over with Maplehoof carefully held in his grasp. The tiny white pony gives a small snort, then whinnies to Dirk in greeting. That's so cute, knowing the pony missed her owner.

Jakes gasps, looking absolutely stunned at the tiny creature. His eyes quickly shift from the pony to Dirk, back to the pony, then on Dirk yet again. The pony almost resembles something from the island except for the heart cutie marks and a tiny pink bow in its mane. The islander gives him a big pair of puppy eyes despite the situation at hand and asks, "Can I hold her?"

Like Dirk was ever going to be able to say no to that face. All of the concern about what the fuck the noise was dissipates when Jake looks at him with those big glittering green eyes. He transfers Maplehoof from Squarewave’s metal hand to Jake’s upturned palm, giving his little pony a fingertip’s worth of patting before drawing back to watch his best friend’s reaction.

“This is Maplehoof,” he says and Squarewave gives a robotic coughing noise, drawing Dirk out from his entranced observations of Jake. “And this is Squarewave.”

Jake looks at the tiny creature and also the stumpy rapbot in equal amounts of glances. They're both so rad. Still, Jake makes sure he has a firm but careful hold on Maplehoof as he regards the robot and says, "Nice to meet you. I'm-"

"Jake English?" Squarewave finishes the sentence and he'd totally be smirking about now if he could. He'd probably also raise an eyebrow, too, because he goes on to say, "I've heard all about you from Di-Strizzle over there. Good to see you're not imaginary or anything."

The islander chuckles with amusement at that comment and carefully holds Maplehoof up to get a closer look at her. She makes a tiny neigh, but deals well with the attention. If there's one thing the pony loves, it's doting that happens to be directed on her. Jake speaks in a soft voice, not wanting to startle or harm her, as he says, "Ahoy there, Maplehoof. You're quite the little cutie, aren't you."

Maplehoof responds by craning her neck a bit and licking Jake on the nose. The adventurer blinks in surprise, but doesn't take offense to it. Apparently, he's just a magnet for attention from animals. First the fairy bull, then Butterscotch, and now Maplehoof. It's good to see Jake manage to be so careful and generally patient with all of those gentle creatures.

Dirk watches quietly, trying to contain the rush of affection that floods his body over the way Jake treats Maplehoof. It is the sweetest thing to watch the adventurer and he can’t help but think that Jake would be great with kids— not that Dirk is imagining Jake and he having kids but the thought might flutter through his brain briefly. Jake is just really tender with certain things and it’s, in a unique way, another thing to swoon over.

“Thanks for taking care of her, Squarewave. Also nice to see that you didn't trash the place like last time.”

"Hey. I ain't that bad at taking care of business here, dogg," Squarewave says in protest, crossing his arms in a huff. Of course he's just making a weak attempt to defend his honor, not that it helps.

As Jake gently rubs his nose against Maplehoof's, totally fawning over the creature that reminds him of home and happens to be a pet of Dirk's, he asks, "So, what was that noise, anyway?"

Dirk also looks curious about this answer to this question and tilts his head at Squarewave, non-verbally implying he is listening intently. The robot seems vaguely nervous to have this subject brought up and shuffles a little away from Dirk before saying, “Yooo! J-man, Imma plead the fifth to that.”

“Welp, that’s admission enough for me that you broke shit. I’m going to go check it out now,” Dirk snaps with eyes like daggers at his rapbot, jumping over the back of the couch to flash step over to his room before Squarewave can even finish shouting, “Hey man, that’s so wack! Di-Strizzle! Why ain’t you trustin’ your robro?”

Thanks to ridiculous flash-step antics, Dirk is back just as quickly, now with Lil’ Cal perched on his shoulders. Eyes and shades still pointedly staring at Squarewave, Dirk says with suspicion, “It didn’t appear that anything was broken.”

Squarewave tries to give the impression of innocence but he’s still jostling around in his nervous manner as he replies, “I told you, bro! Nothing bad went down!”

“Don’t worry. I believe you.” Dirk climbs back onto the couch, sitting a little closer to Jake than before. Casually, he slings an arm around the back of the couch, letting his hand brush over Jake’s shoulder as the adventurer continues to play Snow White with Maplehoof, crooning to her and nuzzling her. “I actually know what happened. You were messing with one of the Unreal Airs again and you fell on your metal rump.”

There is a short pause where Dirk just raises an eyebrow at Squarewave, who pretends not to notice until he finally cracks, crying out, “Awww, c’mon dogg, what you gotta kill a metalman’s pride for?”

Whoa, does Strider actually have an arm around him right now? That's so damn cool. Jake carefully places Maplehoof on his shorts-clad thigh where she lays down comfortably with a tan arm protectively encircling her so that she won't somehow accidentally fall off. While the tiny pony takes a little nap, the adventurer makes a snort of amusement at Dirk and Squarewave. Apparently, this rapbot is a little doofus, which is kind of surprising but it's nice to see that not everything Dirk makes is for strifing or bugging the everliving shit out of him. Jake flashes a smile at Dirk as he leans in, careful of Maplehoof on his lap, to catch his attention and says, "Maybe you should teach him sometime, Bro?"

Dirk attempts to disguise the fact that having Jake so close is making him lose his breath. The goofy charming grin and his green eyes seem to now be regularly making his heart start to race and it is difficult for Dirk to deal with the onslaught of feelings. This is completely new territory now.

“Maybe,” he replies in a low voice, but it’s more from not having the oxygen required to speak normally rather than any attempt at sultriness. Still, Dirk is completely focused on Jake, absorbed in having him right here and close enough to kiss.

Squarewave watches the entire interaction with swirly eyes. It’s weird but seeing Di-Strizzle with his boy, even if his creator is gonna adamantly deny anything about the lovin's that are clearly happening, makes him really miss Sawtooth.

"Maybe, Dirk?" he asks, raising an eyebrow with a goofy smirk still gracing his face. Apparently, the intrepid and eccentric adventurer has noticed some of Dirk's breathlessness. Well, at least it's clear to Jake that he's noticing it. Strider is doing his regular overthinking on the situation and getting himself nowhere. Jake wouldn't mind scooting a little closer, see how Dirk reacts to the closer general proximity, but he really doesn't want to wake Maplehoof.

Dirk is leaning in without even realizing it, getting rather close to Jake’s smirking face. It’s like he is fucking hypnotized or something— is there some kind of power hidden in those ridiculous teeth? A tiny whuffle from Maplehoof as she continues to sleep makes Dirk realize what is happening and he freezes then pulls away quickly. “Yes, maybe.”

What were they even talking about? He turns his head away from Jake’s freaky heart melting powers as he tries to remember what was actually supposed to be going on. Right, Squarewave and skateboarding. “I don’t think anyone could actually learn to ride a board on Unreal Air. The only thing that piece of shit can do is like, ollie up into the sun. Which is, in all honesty, probably where it belongs.”

“And though I would be willing to impart my vast shredding knowledge onto Squarewave, he’s ridiculously stubborn about shit like that.” The robot protests but it doesn’t even really matter because Dirk is pretty much exclusively focused on Jake right now.

"Stubborn? Like someone else I'm acquainted with, perchance?" the other human asks. He's a little confused about what had just happened only moments ago. Was Dirk going to kiss him? He sure wouldn't mind that sort of thing; in fact, he'd love it.

It looks like the two humans are going to be busy with this weird circuitous and inefficient courtship they have going on, so Squarewave asks if Jake would like him to move Maplehoof somewhere to sleep that's a little less of a hassle. Jake accepts the offer and gently hands the tiny creature over to the rapbot.

“I haven’t the slightest what you are attempting to subtly imply by refusing to name the supposedly stubborn dude you know, Jake.” Dirk replies before leaning back with his arm still around the general shoulder region of his best bro. He grabs the remote and starts flipping through the channels for something new to watch.

“Let me know if you see something you want,” he says to Jake, keeping his eyes focused on the bit flat screen as he rapidly clicks his way through shows. For some reason the situation with Jake is really striking him now; maybe it’s because Squarewave and Maplehoof are out of the room and his bro is in LA and it is just Dirk and Jake sitting pretty close together on a couch. His eye twitches under the pointy shades, suddenly feeling weird about the arm almost draped over Jake. He doesn’t move it but he is definitely really focusing on the television instead of his best bro.

"Hm." Though Jake watches the screen intently, he leans on Dirk a little to make himself comfortable. The request sounds sort of like a loaded one to English, what with something he "wants" right next to him. Still, he's almost entirely sure that's not what Dirk intended. He continues to watch the screen as Dirk channel surfs, but he honestly no clue what he'd like to watch right now. He just really enjoys a lot of types of entertainment, so he'd probably be at least slightly pleased with anything.

“If you don’t say otherwise, we’re watching ponies,” Dirk says, turning to an episode of MLP that’s about a quarter of the way through. Jake is definitely doing some cuddling thing right now and there’s a huge battle over whether Dirk should pull away or stay still or snuggle back. His life is so difficult, but his arm drops down, now actually resting on Jake’s shoulders.

Brocuddles. That’s all this is. Time to focus on some Rainbow Dash.


	15. In which a major tussle occurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought maybe this one could use a TRIGGER WARNING at the beginning (capital letters to grab someone's attention in case it's relevant).  
> If you can't handle characters being forced into submission (it's notably more aggressive than the wrestling between Jake and Brobot from Part 1 of the series), then I'd recommend skipping this chapter. You can see most of the awkward effects on the next chapter, so I don't think this one is essential of those sorts of subjects disturb you.  
> I just thought it would be a fair warning since people tend to debate on trigger warnings and I figured better safe than sorry.

Jake's eyes slowly blink open and it takes him a moment to gather that he and Dirk had fallen asleep, cuddled up on the couch while watching episodes of My Little Pony. He glances over at his best bro to see if he's still awake, but he's most certainly sound asleep; Jake can tell because he manages to slip the sunglasses out of the way for just a moment and see that Dirk's eyes are closed as he sleeps serenely... like a rock, actually, from what Jake gathered during the game. The adventurer carefully extricates himself from the arm still tucked around his shoulders and temporarily leaves the room to brush his teeth and hair, as well as find himself some breakfast (pizza).

When he makes it back, he's surprised to see that Strider is still asleep. He tries to sit next to his friend and impatiently wait for him to wake on his own. After probably an hour of eager waiting, Jake figures he needs to take this issue into his own hands. Shaking Dirk awake does not prove successful and he's frankly surprised by that fact. It looks like it's time for the big guns.

He removes Dirk's shades, as well as Lil' Cal who was still on his shoulders, and places them on a nearby table so nothing will happen to them, then retrieves a plastic cup partially filled with water. The smirk on Jake's face is absolutely devious as he stands at the other side of the couch, reaching over and pouring the cold water on Dirk's head to wake him up; it's not a lot of water, but it's certainly enough to shock Strider awake.

There was a point at which Dirk thought that he should probably get to sleep before he passed out on the couch but that is the last thing he would remember about the night, past watching a little bit of My Little Pony... and having Jake tucked under his arm. Sleep hit him hard— which was truly never a good thing because when he actually entered a deep enough slumber to start dreaming, they were never, ever good dreams.

The game was over and everything was good again but his subconscious was still filled with visions of dystopian Earth and the deaths of people he loved. He almost wished he had a dream self still— at least then he was able to shift his awareness and therefore was never fully immersed in sleep.

So whilst in the middle of trembling over Jake’s freshly laid-out Prospit dreamer body, slowly pushing and pulling roses out of the way so he could curl up next to the corpse and weep in peace, Dirk suddenly found himself jerked back into a reality in which the person from his dream is living, it was more than a little bit of a shock.

And then to see said dead/living person standing in front of Dirk holding a now empty cup and looking like a little shit while simultaneously discovering he is now both cold and wet— well. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience.

Actually, it made him pretty pissed off. “What the actual fuck, Jake?” Dirk demands sharply, shaking slightly from both the dream and cold.

"Morning, Strider," Jake says, chipper as anything. In fact, he looks like he's trying to hold in laughter from his little prank. "I've been waiting for you to wake up and then you were being damned impossible."

Dirk’s eyes narrow dangerously as he looks at Jake. He attempts to calm down; there’s no real reason to get angry with Jake... Except no, actually there is because Dirk is awake and startled and wet and all of those things are explicitly Jake’s fault.

He gets to his feet smoothly, his blonde hair no longer spiky as it drips water onto his shoulders and the ground. Those golden eyes never leave Jake’s face and they never ease up in their glaring. “I understand that you have all the patience of an infant but you seriously couldn’t have waited until I woke up on my own? Really?”

"Pff. We already slept for a reasonable span of time." Jake grins even bigger at that, snickering just a little. Poor Dirk can't look intimidating with wet hair and being so huffy about just a little water of all things. "And you should've seen the look on your face, bud. Priceless!"

Dirk is pretty sure the look on his face wasn’t priceless at all. It sure isn’t at all humorous now, even though Jake seems to be getting his jollies from it. “Are you going to apologize?” he asks in a dark and vaguely threatening tone. All of Dirk’s hackles are raised right now and if Jake doesn’t tread carefully then shit is definitely going to go down.

“Pfttt, why? I think you’re being a bit of a pansy about this, Strider!” Jake states with a chuckle and that’s really all Dirk needs.

“Okay then,” Strider says in the iciest voice he has and there is a long moment where they both just stand across from each other, Dirk in silence and Jake letting out a couple of guffaws before a weird sense of apprehension creeps into his brain.

But there isn’t enough time for Jake to actually think about it before Dirk disappears in a blur and what feels like a train rams right into his sternum, knocking him to the floor with a heavy thud, knocking the breath out of his lungs.

By the time Jake manages to actually inhale, Dirk is slamming into his chest and attempting to force his arms down. Thin, pale fingers painfully dig into the tanned skin and there is nothing playful about these actions; Dirk doesn’t say anything but his face is not happy and he’s not going easy on Jake.

For a brief moment, Jake looks genuinely startled at this turn of events. Of course, it doesn't take more than a few seconds for the adventurer to begin grinning again, his eyes full of mischief. Looks like they're finally doing some roughhousing like a couple of choice bros! Jake surges up to get Dirk off balance, then rolls over to trap Strider under him. He grabs Dirk's hands, weaving their fingers together and pushing them down. "So, finally going to get a good scrum on, eh? That's the spirit!"

Jake laughs and looks far too happy and just plain genial right now for his own good. He's so excited about having a gentlemanly spar with his best friend. As Dirk blinks in surprise, the islander quickly ponders over things. He's never actually had a wrestling match with a human; he's had a very aggressive strife before, but not a friendly match of strength. What if he hurts Dirk because he's used to competing with Brobot? That idea worries him and he lets up on the pressure to Dirk's hands a little. The last thing he wants in this situation is to hurt his best bro.

That’s a really terrible mistake on the part of Jake because even though he might not have an armored exterior like Brobot did, Dirk has been fighting death bots almost his entire life. He’s probably been hurt worse by laser shooting metal men than he will be hurt by anything Jake could ever do to him. As soon as Dirk feels the pressure lessen, he twists out of the grip and jerks his head up to crack into Jake’s chin.

Strider grasps near Jake’s neck and suplexes the adventurer over his head before rolling to his feet to put some distance between them. The space allows Dirk to figure out his next move and he decides that the best strategy is to probably let Jake tire himself out before trying to pin him again, since the dude is so fucking eager about all of this and will probably pop right back up if he hasn’t been properly worn down.

"Ha. Good shot," Jake says, kneeling up and wiping his bottom lip a little, feeling that it might've gotten split in Dirk's comeback to their tussle. This is going to be good. Jake rears up for a moment and then practically pounces, landing with a thud on the ground when his friend flash-steps aside slightly.

Dirk should've moved farther away instead of staying close, as if to gloat over the differences in speed. Jake's hand lashes out, grabbing Strider's ankle tightly and yanking it out from under him. That should even the odds a bit. He grabs Dirk's hands again, tugging him up so that they can grapple properly. The adventurer practically growls as he smiles (maybe purposely baring his teeth in the process) and says, "No speed trickery, Dirk. Just wits and strength."

“You already proved to me that you're decidedly lacking in one of those things so I’m not sure how fair this fight is, even without my flash-stepping.” Dirk snarls back, snatching his hands away from Jake as they begin to circle each other, bodies hunched and tense.

There is a trickle of blood seeping from Jake’s lip and it makes Dirk feel the weirdest combination of rage and completely uncalled for desire when, bright green eyes glimmering intensely, the adventurer’s tongue slides out and licks some of it up. He clenches his jaw, looking for a good opening and calculating as they continue shuffling. It’s pretty obvious that Jake is dying to pounce again but the jungle boy is showing a surprising amount of restraint in this bout— Dirk wonders if it is from the training he received from all those years sparring with Brobot.

Finally, Jake shifts his weight in a way that Dirk thinks he can use against him, since it is pretty clear who is the sturdier of the duo (hint: not Dirk). Strider slides under his friend’s arm, hooking an arm around one of Jake’s legs to seriously fuck up his balance and shoves sideways until they are both crashing to the ground again.

A grunt sounds from Jake when they fall into a graceless pile together, but he grabs one of Dirk's arms despite the chaos, twisting it behind his friend's back to help subdue him. Again, he feels the need to pull his punches as he feels the arm yield with moderate ease. He can feel an almost soft framework of muscle and skin under his hand and it's absolutely fascinating, though so delicate compared to the robotic counterpart Jake sparred with. He feels amazed all over again that he's touching another human being after so long. He lets out another growl-like sound, holding a little tighter and feeling his fingers sink into the warm flesh just a bit more.

Dirk is still feeling furious but part of his brain is also sending out practically continuous reminders that it’s Jake pushing him around, it’s Jake that’s got him pinned to the floor with his own arm locked behind him and rendering him nearly helpless. The mixed signals are kind of distressing; the desire to punch Jake in the face is practically equivalent to the desire to just submit and let Jake do as he wants. The growling in his ear isn’t helping either. It just makes his spine tingle at the same time that it provokes a similar noise from his own lips.

He tries to lift himself up with his free arm but doesn’t get much past arching his back into Jake, pushing ineffectually against the heavier boy. He needs to figure out how to get out of this.

Jake hears the growl from his friend and feels a bit conflicted by it as well. He'd think perhaps Dirk is taking this whole thing far more seriously than him, but then he's pressing his other hand between Dirk's shoulder blades with a snarl to keep him down. Admittedly, he did not like his friend being ridiculously defiant and aggressive about this bout of wrestling.

Even with his friend's frankly agitating reactions, he still finds a small part of him marveling over being able to just have contact with someone. Other than the game, the last time Jake was able to actually touch another human being was, what, eight years prior at least? It's a long time not to have anyone around and five of those years had been without Brobot, too. Then there was over a year on the island after the game.

Pressure is now being applied quite heavily to Dirk’s back and his chest gets shoved into the floor, which is hard and uncomfortable and makes it slightly difficult to breathe. There are no obvious means of escape from this hold; Jake’s got a firm grip still on his left arm (which is the stronger arm anyway) and most of his weight pushing him and pinning him to the ground. Dirk isn’t about to give up though, still riding the anger from earlier.

“Get the fuck off of me,” he hisses through gritted teeth, voice low and malicious.

The adventurer doesn't twitch a muscle at first; Jake knows it's probably not a good idea to let Dirk go right now. Dirk sounds furious and, truth be told, his own blood is starting to boil as well. Jake feels some muscle or other flutter with movement under him and presses his hand down a bit more roughly in warning. He has a feeling of some sort that he should keep Strider down and he'll give up, then they can go back to horsing around as usual. All of this anger can dissipate if Dirk just stops with all of the belligerence.

Though Jake’s thought process is nice, Dirk isn’t willing to fly with it. As soon as he feels the increased pressure, he starts thrashing as much as he can, trying to surprise Jake and throw him off. He violently presses back against his opponent, hoping that maybe he can connect with the adventurer's groin or head again to hurt him into losing his grip.

Unfortunately, the thrashing gives Jake enough warning to move slightly to accommodate Dirk's rougher movements and they've only managed to bring that red-hot anger to a searing white. Jake snarls and clamps his teeth on his friend's neck. More of his isolated logic is telling him that establishing some more dominance will finally make Dirk calm the fuck down. He's not biting hard enough to draw blood, but certainly enough to be felt and he growls against the skin in warning.

Dirk gives a couple of weaker thrashes before he freezes and a small hissing noise escapes his lips as he realizes that the daggery pain and wet warmth is from Jake’s mouth latching onto the sensitive skin of his neck.

“Ahh,” he breathes raggedly, now squirming halfheartedly in an escape attempt. The fight has mostly gone out of him as Jake continues to snarl and sink his teeth in harder at every show of aggression Dirk makes. There isn’t much Strider can do other than lie underneath Jake’s weight, unable to move more than a wiggle— and that just provokes the jungle boy on his back. The calm part of Dirk’s brain tells him that Jake is attempting to establish a hierarchy between the two of them, which is stupid but not unexpected given his years in the wild. The rest of Dirk’s brain is focused on the fact that being bitten and forced into submission is...

Well, it’s kind of turning him on.

The apparent loser of this bout is trying his hardest not to think about that, even as he attempts arching up again and Jake’s body pushes back, settling flush against his own while he grinds his goofy teeth into a new location on the pale neck. Dirk's really trying to not let it get to him but now he's biting his lip to contain the sounds that want to escape him and struggling with the intense heat in his gut telling him to turn his head to expose more flesh to Jake’s mouth.

They stay that way for a good while until Dirk finally decides to go limp and stop challenging Jake. Dirk feels a warm breath akin to a sigh against his neck and Jake cautiously releases the bruised flesh. The islander frowns at the vivid bite mark on the back of his best bro's neck, finally able to feel a bit of guilt over getting rough like that when he just wanted a friendly spar... even if he felt a certain thrill at the victory over his admirable best friend. He's not even sure where all that anger came from, even though he understands why he subdued Dirk the way he did (which is because that's how things are done, clearly).

He removes himself from on top of Strider and helps his friend sit up. Jake's not exactly sure what to say now, but he thinks he's gotten his point across. This hopefully won't become another strife between them since, honestly, he didn't even enjoy that event the first time it happened; not to mention that he's acknowledged his tender feelings towards Dirk.

The only thing that is getting through to Dirk right now is the fact that Jake is no longer essentially ravishing him into submission. Even that takes a while to go through as he feels Jake pulling away and lifting him off the floor. No no no, this isn’t what he wants. Jake is staring at him like he’s guilty and there’s not even a scrap of that (weirdly sexy) feral aggression in his green eyes. 

Dirk lost the match. As he sits in silence with his bro, he manages to process the results of the scuffle almost as well as he is now processing the fact that his pants feel tighter than they should be and that’s probably because he’s a little more than half hard. Embarrassing. His face flushes and he quickly tugs down his shirt to cover up any visible signs of boners as he stands up. 

“I’m taking a shower,” he says brusquely, before practically running to the bathroom to escape notice. 

It's a particularly long ablution.

By the time Dirk has exited the bathroom, clean and garbed in fresh clothes, Jake is sitting on the couch and watching tv to try to keep himself occupied. The fact that he immediately turns when he hears Dirk's footsteps seems to indicate it wasn't working out that wonderfully. Jake manages a small grin for his pal and Dirk feels the need to send a similar expression to show him that everything's still cool.

In fact, Dirk has an idea of how to smooth things over and distract Jake. He looks around the little game shelf next to the tv and pulls out one of the 360 ones, saying, "Prepare to flip all of your shit, English. You see this game here? Very story-driven, almost like your character is part of a fuckin' movie and guess what?"

Strider sits down on the couch, maybe keeping a little more distance between them than is necessary, and holds out the back of the box. He taps on one of the images so Jake is looking at it and continues his little talk by adding, "See that alien babe? I know you do since her skintone is like your favorite color and that gets you all kinds of bothered up. You can woo that piece of blue. Interested?"

As if he has to ask, considering Jake's face is a nice shade of red now. "I think I'm willing to give it a shot."

"That's the spirit." Dirk pointedly ignore that saying that reminds him of their little spar earlier. He gets back up and places in the game. "Time to play some Mass Effect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know the Mass Effect cover and even instruction booklet don't have a picture of Liara (at least for the XBox 360) but I had to do it.  
> Letting Jake play a videogame where he can romance a blue chick? It was just too convenient for words, you know? And I seriously wanted Dirk to be able to just point and be like "see this, we can tap it". So sorry for that little bit of inaccuracy but it simply had to be done.


	16. In which Dirk and Jake go shopping.

It’s the day after their scrum and when Dirk gets ready in the morning, he catches sight of some dark reddish purple spots on his neck that, on closer inspection, are tiny tooth-print bruises from when Jake bit him. He touches them gingerly, even though they don’t hurt at all, and a shiver runs through his body at the returning memories of when and how they were made.

He had been unaware that he found being dominated so sexy until the very moment that Jake succeeded in forcing him into submission. It was a little troubling to think that he was discovering aspects of his sexuality through (probably) completely platonic wrestling matches with his best friend but he doesn’t really regret it, even as he stares at the imprints of Jake’s teeth and feels too hot and constricted in his skin.

He leaves the bathroom and wanders out to find Jake in the kitchen, once again stuffing his face with pizza. The jungle boy seems to have no qualms at all about having eaten literally only pizza for every meal since Dirk made pancakes. Dirk supposes that a lifelong diet of dubious cans pilfered from island ruins would be enough to make him pretty fucking content with eating pizza forever, but unfortunately, Dirk’s diet has been pretty pizza-rich since Dave came back. After three days of nothing but cheese, tomato sauce, and crust as main ingredients, he would really, really like some noodles.

Dirk digs around the pantry to no avail and with a sigh, grabs a half-eaten cold slice right out of his best bro’s clutches and tears into it, making a slightly disgusted face the entire time.

"Wha-" Jake blinks in surprise when Dirk snatches the slice of pizza from him and is about to protest, but then he sees bruises on his friend's neck. Oh, right; he had caused those yesterday. Maybe he'd feel damn victorious about being able to subdue Dirk and cause him to submit if he weren't feeling so guilty at roughing him up enough to bite bruises on him. He drops his agitation and gets himself a new slice.

Still, it's obvious something is seriously bothering Dirk and it has to do with the food. "Are you some sort of germaphobe or something? You're looking sort of green around the gills and you know you could've gotten a slice for yourself."

“No, I’m not a germaphobe. Although,” Dirk begins, chewing thoughtfully and also somewhat pained. “It probably wouldn’t hurt if I exercised more caution around you, since you are probably fuckin’ rife with jungle diseases. It’s going to be like the Aztecs and Cortez all over again— I’m the Aztecs and you’re some asshole conquistador introducing all sorts of horrible foreign bacteria to my poor, unprepared immune system. Might as well just kill me off now to save me from the miseries of smallpox or whatever.”

He dumps his nibbled on crust onto Jake’s plate. “Speaking of killing myself, I’m planning on doing that if I don’t get some non-pizza food matter into my mouth soon. So I’m going to go to the grocery store. You wanna tag along or no?”

Jake's eyes light with curiosity at that. Obviously, he's never had an excursion to a grocery store, but he would seriously enjoy the experience. It's so cool getting to do things around people and seeing things that are like in movies about normal day-to-day life situations. "Would I? Of course, Dirk. I've never been and this sounds rife with new things for me to experience."

“Alright, cool. Let me grab my wallet and we’ll head out,” Dirk replies, flash-stepping off to his room.

Jake tosses his plate into the dishwasher, which is starting to look like it might need running soon and he makes a note to himself to tell Strider about it. When he turns around, Dirk is leaning against the doorway in a leather jacket, twirling a set of keys around his finger and just generally looking like a sexy badass.

The islander looks at the ensemble and, wow, it looks as good as last time. Dirk's such a badass. How Dave hasn't forced him to try out for a role in some blockbuster or other is beyond him. He could make a great hero and, in that outfit, some misfit with a heart of gold. He looks like some sort of heartbreaker right now and Jake's own is certainly having a sporting time at the sight of his friend looking so dashing in a rough around the edges way.

The blonde boy tilts his shades up to have some eye contact and raise an eyebrow at Jake before asking, “You ready?”

"Oh. Um, yes. I'm certainly ready. Let's go!" Jake pulls Dirk out of the apartment and allows him his hand back long enough to lock the door, then they're off again. Time for a grocery adventure! This is going to be so fucking rad.

The trip to the grocery store is completely uneventful, though awesome since they take the motorcycle. It’s the perfect opportunity for Jake to fill his Dirk hugging quota as he clings to his friend, wind whipping past his helmet.

When they pull into the parking lot of the store, the two boys get some weird looks, though whether that is due to some assumption that their relationship is more than a bromance or because they recognize Dirk as the younger brother to Hollywood’s favorite hot young director is unclear. Dirk doesn’t seem to care though, if he even notices at all, and he grabs a shopping cart, then drags Jake along with him inside.

“Okay, we need some pasta, cheese, milk, butter, orange soda,” Dirk lists as he strolls along the produce section. “But if you see something else you want—“

He was going to finish with, “then let me know” but Jake’s reaction to the store is really cute and he gets distracted.

The adventuresome derp is blinking and glancing around with wide curious eyes at the fluorescent-lit store. Holy crap, there's so much food available for purchase- and a good number of it isn't in frigging cans! Sure, that's the way it looks in the movies and all, but it's so different to see it in real life than on recorded fare meant for entertainment.

"Dirk. This is..." Jake says, trailing off for a moment as he continues looking around and his hand tightens just slightly on his friend's. A characteristic lopsided grin spreads across his face as he takes it all in from where they stand. "So preposterously cool! I'm in a store."

“You’re in a store,” Dirk confirms in his flat tone, before hiding a small grin in his shoulder. It’s this new experiences thing- Dirk can barely stand how good it makes him feel to see Jake happy like this and how cute Jake is when he is trekking uncharted territory (even if it’s at someplace completely uninteresting, like a grocery store).

He has an idea to keep Jake entertained, even though it probably isn’t necessary given how enthralled he is with just standing inside the store. “You want to go try to find some of the supplies we need for me while I get the necessary stuff from here?” Dirk figures it will be kind of like an adventure, plus Jake can be active while Dirk mulls over boring vegetables.

The way those bespectacled eyes light up brings another little quirk of a smile to Dirk's lips; English keeps looking that way, just so eager and happy, but it remains so contagious. Jake's practically bouncing in excitement at that idea. He has a quest now! A proper adventure, at least for normal folk situations. He nods enthusiastically and then is off to go look for the things Dirk listed earlier.

"I'll be in the produce aisle!" Strider calls after him, then pushes the cart over there to find some various vegetables of interest. Maybe he can find some fruit as well, since Jake hasn't tried any sweet things on his visit so far, barring the one ice-cream and Dirk occasionally offering a sip of orange soda. The adventurer probably doesn't have a good variety of genuinely fresh fruits and vegetables back on his island.

It only takes a few minutes and Jake's back to his side with- whoa. Jake's eyes are wide again but in a seriously confused way this time as he holds up a huge pile of assorted bags of noodles in his arms. In fact, Dirk can't see any of Jake's face below the eyes because of how big said pile is. "I didn't know there were so many noodles available, Dirk! I... I'm not sure which is right, so I tried to bring them all here, but I can't carry that many."

As endearing as the sentiment of that action is, poor Jake looks like a lost puppy while he holds all of those noodles. He might just be a bit over his head in this task. Oh Jake. Dirk doesn’t even know how to react to this, whether to laugh or tease or groan or knock all of the boxes and bags out of Jake’s arms and kiss him on the mouth. The last one sounds pretty good but no.

“Good work, Jake,” Dirk says in what was supposed to be a sarcastic tone but his heart is complete goo right now so it just comes out as authentic-sounding soft voiced praise. He helps Jake dump all of the noodles into the cart— yes, he is actually going to buy all of these now. It’s not like he doesn’t have enough money and besides, it would be impossible to have too many noodles in the apartment. Dirk peers into the pasta filled cart just to make sure that there are shapes he can work with for mac and cheese, which there are. He’ll let Jake pick out his favorite of them when they actually start cooking.

Jake looks about ready to take off again; he’s got that focused treasure-hunter face on and his body is tense like it is ready to climb a wall and leap from shelf to shelf. But while it’s perfectly fine to have a fuckton of noodles that are dry goods and so won’t go bad, Dirk doesn’t really want a repeat episode with perishable cheese.

The adventurer starts to sprint to his new goal of grabbing ALL the cheese but Dirk reacts quickly and snatches up Jake’s hand, yanking him back. “We’ll go find the other shit together,” he explains, pushing the cart with one hand and keeping a firm grip on Jake with the other. He picks up a pineapple, more blueberries, and a bunch of bananas and covertly watches Jake to see if he’s finding anything else appetizing.

As they pass by, Jake curiously eyes the peaches in a small stand, so Dirk ends up grabbing a small bag of those as well. The adventurer offers a smile when they're placed in the cart and takes Dirk's hand again. He's kind of surprised as he looks back at the shopping cart that Strider really wants to buy all of the noodles, since he sort of expected his best bro to choose a couple and he could put the rest back; he must be very fond of pasta or something. Still, Jake can't help but feel very proud of a job well done.

"What are we looking for now?" he asks, glancing at the various aisles as they walk past them. There are several other things on the list, even if it is a short one, and that's if they don't find anything else intriguing. Honestly, Jake's not even sure what he'd be interested in since there's so much he hasn't tried. He guesses there is something in the store he's most assuredly interested in, but Dirk's affections aren't for sale and Jake wouldn't want them to be.

“We need milk and butter and cheese,” Dirk replies, leading them towards the dairy. The recipe he found for dinner tonight calls for cheddar and Velveeta cheese but Dirk, unwilling to conform entirely to the recipe, decides that he’s going to throw a bunch of different cheese at this bitch and see what happens. Into the cart goes cheddar, colby, pepper jack, and some fancy stuff like gruyere.

They pick up butter and milk and then start wandering along the aisles. Dirk is definitely on the lookout for something interesting and special to get for Jake and when they are down the baking supplies aisle— the sight of Betty Crocker mixes still makes him shiver even though in the new universe, it is run by Jane’s dad and is completely safe- he spots something that might fit his criteria.

Berry Blue Jell-O. He throws a couple of boxes into the cart and also throws a couple of boxes of white cake mix and some tubs of frosting (after a long hesitation between Betty Crocker brand or something else like Duncan Hines) in the cart. Dirk doesn’t know when they’ll get around to making cake but he figures they can do it at some point. Jell-O is going to be dessert tonight though.

“All that’s left is some soda.” New universe meant no lifetime supply of orange soda, but that was probably for the best since Dirk was pretty sure it was bound to go flat eventually. Strider nudges Jake’s shoulder with his own affectionately. “Take us there, fearless guide?”

Jake chuckles at the nudging and pulls Strider and the cart with him to walk over to the soda isle. "With pleasure."

It doesn't take too long to find it since the aisles are labeled. Now all they have to do is find whichever brand(s) strike Dirk's fancy. He looks around with his best bro to see what sorts are available; no Faygo, thank god. Dirk's tale of the future, before their intervention, had been awful. Jake finds several types of orange soda and brings them over to his friend, asking, "Are any of these good?"

“Yep. General rule is that if it’s orange and carbonated, it’s good with me. Thanks,” replies Dirk with a small smile as Jake proceeds to dump them into the cart then take control of pushing it around while grinning happily and goofily at his friend. 

This is so... domestic. This fact has just slammed itself into Dirk’s brain; this sort of wandering around together, helping find and pick out food, gathering supplies to make a meal for the two of them— it’s completely sweet. It’s something that you’d find married couples doing and, of course, now Dirk is thinking about that. It’s not difficult at all to see himself as an insanely banging 40 year old bro, contentedly strolling through the store whilst sneakily scoping some extremely choice rump supplied by a very dapper silver fox Jake. 

And then maybe they grab a bottle of classy wine for later, with much eyebrow waggling between them.

And maybe the reason they were at the store in the first place was because they were having an anniversary dinner and they were going to cook it together and then probably have a wild night of really hot and romantic sex with like candles and stuff. And alright that is probably enough of that train of thought. Focus on the task at hand, Strider.

While they are in the area, they also grab a couple of bags of Doritos because sometimes bros get some rudenasty hunger and they need to kick that shit somehow. After that, they have everything so the boys go to checkout (getting some weird looks about the mass quantities of noodles). Then it is back to the house to figure out how the fuck to cook stuff. 

Once they unload the bags of groceries from each sylladex, Dirk puts up most of the things they won't be using... except for the plethora of noodles, which he'll deal with later. Jake looks so damn excited about cooking up some lunch with Strider. This is something he wouldn't rightfully do back home for lack of these types of supplies and he bets it'll taste amazing. "Alright, Bro! How exactly do we go about making some proper cuisine? I'm ready to do this."

With a printout of the recipe in hand, Dirk gives his best bro a little grin. Jake has the same determined and joyful expression that he seemed to apply to practically everything and it wasn’t difficult for Dirk to believe that in his derpy head, the adventurer was treating cooking like a challenge— something to conquer, like a ruin.

“C’mere,” Dirk beckons while pulling something out of a drawer. “The first step to pro cooking is wearing the right threads.” As Jake approaches, the blonde throws an apron over his friend’s head. It is a horrific bright yellow with what appears to be orange Doritos polka-dotted over the surface. The front reads “its tine for a fuckin………….NANCHO PARTY” in a yellow only slightly darker than the shirt’s background. 

“First, wash up. Then we’ll set some water to boil for the noodles. Pick a shape while you’re at it,” he adds as he ties on a really ridiculously frilly apron with a completely serious face.

Clumsily tying the apron on and washing his hands, Jake nods at that suggestion. While Dirk fills a large pan with water, the islander looks through the various types of noodles. He ends up settling on the classic elbow shape, of course, and is all smiles when Dirk places the pan on the stove in preparation.

"This is going to be so riveting, Strider! What's next in store?" asks Jake, eyeing the ingredients left out for their cooking adventure. He's too excited to even properly tease over the ruffly apron Dirk is wearing.

Dirk, on the other hand, finds the cooking garb on Jake to be endearing. Jake does enjoy the hell out of the SBaHJ series, even if it does sometimes baffle English with how irreverently non-linear it can be. Still, the movies have been quite a game-changer in cinema and even Dirk is curious about the upcoming one, since it diverges from the timeline he knew of.

Next is the grand task of seeing whether Jake is careful enough to entrust with measuring out ingredients. If there is one thing to be said about cooking with Dirk, it's that he is insanely anal about following the recipe's measurements to a T (and even though he is using different cheeses than the recipe specified, he's going to use the same amount because that is the important part). This need for precision probably developed out of spending years designing, building, and coding computers and AIs. There isn't a whole lot of room for error in that shit- unless you are looking to have an end product that sucks at its job and is susceptible to glitches and bugs. Besides, in Dirk's mind, why would the recipe creator bother writing down measurements if they weren't the exact amounts required to make the perfect dish? Clearly the only way to get the meal to come out correctly is to follow the instructions.

Which is why even though Jake looks super adorable and chefly in his obnoxious apron, Dirk is a little hesitant to let him at the ingredients. He's having visions of Jake sloshing milk all over the place ("How much was it, Strider? Two cups? Frig! Ah well, three is close enough, eh?") and ruining this beautiful meal he's planned. 

"Uh." Dirk begins, looking at the recipe. Well, there is some stuff he can trust Jake with, he thinks. "How about you grease this dish?"

"Grease it?" Jake repeats in a confused and perhaps skeptical manner. He stares quizzically at the dish. Is he supposed to use vegetable oil or something? That makes sense actually. He picks up the vegetable oil and begins to uncap it, looking a bit more confident as to what he's doing.

"Yes," Dirk replies, too busy measuring to actually see what sort of slogging through thought processes Jake was getting up to. Strider is currently on eye-level with the glass cup he is pouring the milk into so that he can accurately see the meniscus and make sure it is right at the line for two cups-worth. When finished, he turned to check on Jake and found him about to dump the contents of the vegetable oil bottle into the casserole pan.

Dirk grabs him and changes his previous reply to "No!" It came out a bit more sharply than he meant, so he softens his voice as he says, "Don't use very much. Like a drop the size of a dime. Get a paper towel and rub it around."

"Alright," the adventurer says, working slowly and carefully. He occasionally glances over to Dirk working away on making exacting measurements. Still, Jake turns his work, maybe wanting to please Dirk with his work ethic instead of just make a great meal (which is a good aim all on its own).

The water starts boiling and Dirk is currently covered with flour since he wanted to fluff it first (he read somewhere that you were supposed to- of course, his method of fluffing was to go at the bag of flour with a whisk, which, understandably, sent puffs of white everywhere and basically covered his skin, hair, and loli apron with powdery whiteness.) 

Determined to actually get the flour subdued and measured but also antsy about taking care of the pasta, Dirk decides to ask Jake for help. "Can you add like, exactly half the box of elbows?"

"To the water," he adds, quickly, concerned about giving Jake any sort of vageries in his instructions. It's like he doesn't trust his bro or something.

"Pff. Duh, Strider. I know I've said I can be as dumb as a bag of penny candy, but I think this is a task I can handle." Jake gives his best bro a firm pat on the shoulder, causing a small puff of flour that he subsequently chuckles at; Dirk is such a nerd, worrying so much. "Leave it to me."

He takes his time to carefully measure out the dry noodles. Once he definitely has the perfect amount all ready, he carefully pours it in. Damn, he's so amazing right now; Strider would be so impressed if he were watching instead of cleaning up from his flour explosion. Still, Jake does give a proud little lopsided grin like the endearing (self-proclaimed) man of adventure he knows he is.

Messes cleaned up and pasta bubbling merrily, Dirk draws Jake in to give him stirring duty while making the roux for the cheese sauce. They work brilliantly together here, standing shoulder to shoulder while Jake melts the butter and Dirk slowly adds in the flour he meticulously measured. They simultaneously jump back when Dirk pours in the milk because it hisses and splatters, then they laugh at each other. They trade off mixing, both insanely intrigued with how the mixture gets richly thick and then they both take handfuls of cheese and throw them in (and Dirk doesn’t even mind when he catches Jake sneakily adding a few extra handfuls). 

Dirk takes a spoonful of the cheese sauce and blows on it before tasting it with the tip of his tongue. It’s really good, though that was totally to be expected from any cooking ventures he tried. He holds the spoon out towards Jake’s mouth for him to sample.

The islander grins at the offer and cautiously leans in, testing it the same way Strider had. He smiles up at his friend in approval. "Mm. We're so damn great at this. I daresay we put chefs to shame!"

Dirk just gives a little nod in response, once again completely struck with how domestic they are. He felt miles away from the best brodom he had with Jake, even though he is still his best friend. It is a more intimate closeness now though, one where they held hands and brushed their shoulders together and apparently fed each other the cheese sauce that they made together. 

It wasn’t a bad thing, but it was weird. These were developments of an unexpected sort. When Brobot died, Dirk had assumed his chances with Jake were ruined— but now. Even though he is reluctant to get his hopes up by admitting it, Jake seems to be actually interested or at least not turned off by the new slightly less platonic turn their relationship has taken. The question is what is Dirk supposed to do about it.

They add the noodles to the sauce then pour everything into the dish and off it goes into the oven. While they wait for it to bake, Dirk pulls out the Jell-o with a sly grin, “Let’s make this for dessert. I think you might like it.”

At the sight of the box of gelatin mix, Jake feels both excited and contented at the same time. It's not the confection ingredients that have that effect on him, it's all Dirk Strider's fault. That infuriatingly cool and handsome best friend has him on cloud nine with all of these fun new things to do. It's going to be particularly lonely back on the island this time. He's not really sure how much the Striders would mind him imposing even longer than maybe two months at the absolute longest, but that would be against the law. The last thing he wants to do is cause some sort of federal issue.

Still, Jake would rather concentrate on the here and now instead of goodbyes or his isolated home. He nods enthusiastically at the Jell-o box and says, "Sure. I'd fucking love to try this concoction. How do we make it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting to catch up on the backlog, so I'll warn you when I realize we're on the dreaded unfinished chapter next.  
> Don't worry, though, we'll do our best. We're both going to be in the Homestuck Shipping Olympics as well on Team Dirk <3 Jake, so there's that, too.


	17. In which Jake dreams for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like we had less chapters in the backlog than I thought. This is the last completed one for now.  
> We'll update as soon as we can, but that might take a while since we're both busy with various obligations.  
> Still, I hope all of you enjoy the update!

It's evening now and lunch, not to mention dinner from the leftovers, had been delicious. Maybe it's an over-sentimental thought, but Jake thinks it's even better since they cooked it together. Other than that, the day was just the two of them messing around on video games and watching movies together. Dave should be home tomorrow, so they both might be a bit antsy about greeting him tomorrow. Jake shifts in the guest bed, curling up under his green sheet from home, and slowly drifts off as he thinks about how great this stay is turning out to be.

It doesn't take long for him to "wake up" in a dark dreamscape again. He sort of wonders if he'll bump into anything again since his knowledge of dreambubbles improved with the time spent in the game. It's kind of an awesome concept in its own right, if sometimes a bit depressing since there's quite a few dead aliens and sometimes humans instead of just dreamers. Perhaps he should explore on his own a bit, see if one of his own memories pops up, if some other doesn't, but he's not sure where to go.

He takes a cautious step forward and slowly, a setting resolves in front of the adventurer, the hazy dream colors swirling around become ever sharper, focusing into a recognizable view of the ruins on Hellmurder Island. This was where he put the ashes of his grandmother and the deactivated chassis of Brobot. Another step and he can see the large white box in which he laid his robot to rest but the image is smoky and phantasmal and... empty. It's open and Brobot isn’t in it.

“Looking for something?” The voice comes from behind him and Jake spins, which only makes his vision more muddled.

Then he hears his name being called in that familiar, slightly tinny twang and everything snaps into focus all at once. Brobot is there, shiny head tilted ever-so-slightly and a small half smile turning up his metal lips. He isn’t quite sure Jake is real or another memory and he also isn’t sure if he wants him to be real; after all, this is a dreambubble and that’s where the dead hang out.

But he can see Jake’s eyes— they’re as green as ever, which means, barring another memory which is becoming less and less likely, Jake is just visiting in his sleep and the hesitant smile turns into a wide grin and then a cool smirk.

There’s a smooth clicking noise as the robot flashes forward, movements as fluid as ever despite being carried out by mechanical limbs. His metal feet tap against the stone floor and he must have decided not to get a new pair of shades, even though he was fully capable of doing so, because his glowing glass eyes are not obscured.

Brobot's eyes a pure white, like the light from a flashlight, but Jake is only able to see them for a split second because in the next moment, he’s wrapped up in metal arms, his cheek pressed against cool, glossy artificial skin, and Brobot is running his hands all over Jake’s back and cooing “Jake” into the human’s hair.

"B-" Jake's arms awkwardly wrap around the robot, his voice practically a sob as he says, "Brobot? You have a dreambubble."

He buries his face in Brobot's shoulder, not sure what else to do because he didn't know that a dreambubble would be possible but he's so glad it is. If any robot ever deserved an afterlife, it would be him. Jake idly wonders if Brobot also got one because technically he had been taken into the session with Jake, but he's not about to mince over particulars. He's suddenly aware of tears in his eyes, dripping onto the dead robot's shoulder that his face is still pressed against. Jake's not even sure if he can move, though.

“Yeah, it surprised the shit out of me, too. Though there’s no fucking way I’m going to complain,” Brobot says in a soft voice, still stroking Jake’s back and nuzzling his face into the dark, unruly hair. “Especially since you are able to visit me here.”

The robot squeezes the human tighter, then holds him out at arms length to look at him. It feels like it has been ages since he last saw Jake— and, actually, it probably was a really long time. A year, maybe? Time is really strange in the dreambubbles and Brobot is never entirely sure when a day ends. His white eyes inspect Jake, noticing that the boy is a bit more filled out and has shadows of stubble that he never noticed before. He’s gotten older. It’s a reminder that their relationship, had Brobot remained alive, always would have been confronting the difficulties of artifice vs. organic. In or out of death, the robot was never going to get older. 

Jake is still crying and giving him the most wobbly bucktoothed smile, tears filling his emerald eyes and sliding down his ruddy cheeks and it is so sweet and heartbreaking (though the robot is still heartless in the most literal sense) that Brobot immediately pulls him close again. 

“Shh, it’s okay,” he murmurs, pressing his metal lips against the saline droplets and softly kissing them away; even though the bot had decided if he ever were to see his Jake in a bubble, he wasn’t going to do anything that made Dirk’s relationship more difficult. But it was impossible to resist kissing Jake just a little. Cheek kisses are fine, right? Right.

The adventurer slowly composes himself, rubbing away some of the tears still under his glasses. He honestly feels like a bit of a chump, crying in front of someone like this, but it should really be alright given the circumstances. "Fucking hell, I thought I'd never see you again. We- we beat the game, Bro. Thanks to you."

Brobot just raises a metal eyebrow and shakes his head, clearly unsure of what the hell Jake is talking about- all he did was die for the apparently significant bunny. He knows that it was important that he give up his uranium (obviously, otherwise he would never have given it up) but he isn’t going to argue about his usefulness to the alphas; it seems inconsequential when Jake is here anyway.

“I’m glad you won,” he says softly, while running his metal fingers up and down Jake’s arms comfortingly. “And so fucking thrilled to see you. If, you know, those were both legit emotions that a robot could feel.” The smirk on his face makes it clear that he’s teasing.

“If the game is over...” He appears to be thinking something over; the implications of the Sburb victory are sinking in. Has Dirk made his move yet? Is Jake with him? “What is your current location?”

"Ah... I'm visiting Strider. In Houston," Jake replies. It takes a brief moment for him to realize that probably sounds a bit suggestive of a possible romantic entanglement already in place. Thinking about that sort of assumption being made starts bringing up some mental conflict. Brobot looks about ready to reply in some vocal fashion but the human makes sure to cut him off. "I was informed during the game that he knew- about us, I mean- and I ended up strifing him. Beat the tar out of him quite righteously!"

It hurt a little to hear Jake talk about Dirk and a little more to know that he is currently with the robot’s creator in Houston. Brobot had thought he was pretty much over the fact that he had been forced to give up Jake; he had actually begun to think that he was pleased that Jake and Dirk could be together, but the bot also felt a vaguely vengeful rush of pleasure at the thought of Jake whaling on Dirk. The islander didn’t need to know that Dirk only found out about the tryst between Brobot and Jake through the robot essentially telling him what was up. He chooses to leave it unaddressed. “How is being off the island?”

"It's astounding. I'm completely flabbergasted with it right now. I also met Dave and Squarewave and Maplehoof and I've been to a zoo and a grocery store and..." The adventurer's not sure where he was going with that train of thought, he's just so damn excited. It's all painfully obvious to Brobot with the way Jake is bouncing on his feet and his eyes are shining like they do when he's watching a particularly epic scene of his favorite movies. "Oh! And I've tried some extraordinary food, too. Maybe it isn't considered that by normal city folk, but I thought is was delicious."

“Mm,” nods Brobot, quietly eying the way Jake has nearly reached levels of excitement that entail pogoing up and down like a spastic child. He hadn’t forgotten how cute Jake is but he had missed it so much that he is now struck into appreciative silence and walloped with the desire to take Jake into his arms again. Which he immediately acts on (he might be a robot but that doesn’t mean he’s got great self-control) grabbing Jake’s wrists and wrapping his arms around his metal torso. Brobot touches his lips to Jake’s tanned face and his computer brain notes that he’s still taller than Jake...

Which is a little strange. Because he was always about the same size as Jake when he was alive and it has been at least a year and according to his databanks, humans grow and robots don’t. Certainly, Jake looks taller than he was. Hm. He tucks this info away for later processing because he doesn’t want to deal with it when he’s got a smokin’ hot adventurer pressed against him.

But as much as he might want to relive the events of his last active day, he isn’t going to act on it because- “So. How is Dirk?” It is nonchalant but softly asked, wanting to convey an acceptance of any relationship but still evidence of some still-present pain at that idea.

"He's doing just dandy. We're still friends, even if we were a bit at odds when he admitted what he knew in the game," Jake replies, burying his face in one of Brobot's shoulders again. His next words come out in a soft murmur, very tentative, as he hugs the robot a little bit tighter. "I had, uh, been thinking of asking him on an outing with me, something to figure out what the heck he feels for me, but seeing you here and remembering what he kept from me and let you do a-and I didn't stop it but I should've given it a harder attempt... This is a slippery issue and I'm not sure if I should even think of those confounded feelings."

It's really a sensitive and confusing subject. How the hell is he supposed to deal with these new conflicting feelings? Brobot's still around, in a manner of speaking, and he's always had a spot in Jake's mind that Dirk can't replace... but Jake already dealt with his emotions over Brobot's passing and being gone forever (for all he knew) and fallen in love with his human best friend. It hadn't been an easy choice in the first place and now he's found out Brobot essentially has a soul and can be seen again.

“Jake,” Brobot gives a roboty sighing noise, despite not needing to breathe. As much as he appreciates this clear attempt by Jake to spare his (completely real) feelings, it would actually make him happiest to know that someone is giving Jake everything that Brobot couldn’t and can’t. He trusts Dirk because he practically is Dirk— he knows Dirk’s mind since his own is based off of it... and of all the people Jake could choose to have feelings for, he’s most okay with Dirk. “Jake, I want you to be happy. If Dirk makes you happy...”

”Nothing could make my death more acceptable to me than knowing you have a good life, alright? If Dirk is anything like me, which we both know he is, he’ll probably flip at the chance to date the fuck out of you. So you should ask him out, since it seems he’s being total chickenshit about it. Lay on that gung-ho jungle boy charm of yours and you’ll be fine. It’s practically irresistible.” The robot smiles, running his sensitive fingertips over Jake’s cheek and drawing slightly closer. He gets the feeling that Jake is waking up, sensing somehow that consciousness is pulling the boy he loves away from the bubble. It’s saddening but he can deal; although any semblance of control over not kissing Jake is flying out the window.

“And, you know, if it all goes to shit, you’ll always have your dreams.” He smirks as he says this, knowing just how cheesy it sounds and giving basically no fucks about it at all. Brobot tilts Jake’s chin up to his face and dips his own metal head slightly, laying a sweet kiss right on those rosy, slightly rough lips— a redux kiss goodbye before Jake blinks out of dreambubble existence.

Jake’s eyes flutter open and he finds himself staring at the ceiling of the guest bedroom, a slight additional warmth on his lips and a tinny, barely audible voice inside his head softly saying what sounds like “Love you.” 

He tentatively touches his lips, surprised to feel like he really did receive a kiss from Brobot. It wasn't just some crazy random dream, the robot really does have a dreambubble... and that still leaves Jake in a conundrum. Getting out of bed should probably help with that particular issue, though.

Jake wipes his eyes and stands up from the bed, trudging into the living room. It takes that long for him to realize that Dirk is cooking up a proper breakfast again, probably since there's still a ton of pizza that he's not entirely interested in eating. Somehow, Jake thinks that he's banking on forcing most of it on his older brother once he returns. That should be today, right? Perhaps in the evening or something?

As Jake enters the kitchen, he spots Dirk turned away from him, spatula in hand. The first thing he notices is an enticing smell. The second is the pale, lightly freckled back that is completely exposed.

"Morning, Strider," Jake says with a little yawn. He stretches a little to make himself more comfortable and perhaps as further distraction from the dreambubble encounter. "What's cooking?"

“Bacon,” is the quick reply from the half-naked Strider. Though thoroughly invested in supervising the bacon (which may or not be because he already burned a batch), Dirk does turn away from the griddle to give a smile to his best friend. Of course, he immediately sees that once again Jake is shirtless and rather than roaming all over his dark skin with hungry eyes, Dirk pointedly turns back to his cooking.

Dang. How the fuck is he supposed to compete with that? He had thought that wandering around shirtless might be effective at one-upping Jake but he’d forgotten that jungle boy liked to wander around in practically nothing as well. Oh well. It would just have to be two shirtless bros platonically eating breakfast together (and not, say, a completely seduced Jake licking syrup off Dirk’s bare chest like Dirk definitely had not thought about at all ever). “And eggs. Any preference as to how I cook them?”

"Ooh. Scrambled?" Jake asks, strolling over to watch. "Is that a thing you can whip up?"

Dirk turns to him, orange eyes glowing with amusement to contrast with the horrifically offended expression on his normally passive face. "What kind of question is that, Jake? Fuck. Do you see me in this apron right now? Do you see this spatula? Get out of here before I throw your ass out for grave insults to the chef." He's entirely joking, his voice is completely flat. Jake can stay if he wants. In fact, Dirk would prefer if he did.

"Ha. Try if you dare, culinary fiend," Jake says in a returning joke, giving him the old double-point and wink. It's not hard for him to see in this moment how Dirk's charmed him so; he's attractive, funny, and Jake feels so comfortable around him. Getting that pleasant reminder is definitely something to help cement his wavering resolve in the face of the conflicting dreambubble. He steps just a little bit closer to observe both what's finished and Dirk's current work on the stove. "It smells so fucking good."

“That’d be the bacon, bro,” Dirk replies casually as he flips the aforementioned meat like a pro. On the inside though, Dirk is thrilled that Jake compliments his cooking. God, he’s becoming such a stereotypical housewife.

“Be careful— it’ll spatter. And you are just asking for shittons of trouble by exposing yourself like that.” He reaches over and flicks the center of Jake’s chest. Though Dirk is a big proponent of the manly sport of cooking bacon shirtless, he decided that maybe it should be more of a spectator sport for him personally since he is already speckled enough with his freckles and strife-scars. He really doesn’t need to add burn scars to the mix. Luckily he has this awesomely ironic apron with "BUN IN THE OVEN" plastered on the front to protect his glorious chest.

"Alright." Jake backs up a bit but continues his own spectating. He's cooked a little bit before, but this is proper food; it's all very fascinating to Jake, like everything has been. He watches Dirk finish up cooking the eggs as well, then filling up some plates for the two of them. This is going to be great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copy-pasting this in case someone missed it since, if you're following the story, then it's kind of a big deal:
> 
> Looks like we had less chapters in the backlog than I thought. This is the last completed one for now.  
> We'll update as soon as we can, but that might take a while since we're both busy with various obligations.  
> Still, I hope all of you enjoy the update!


	18. In which Dirk is informed of new developments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is very short, but since things are a bit hectic right now, I wanted to give everyone something and it ended at a good stopping place. Hopefully the new information will at least be amusing.
> 
> Maybe we'll come back to this chapter and add some extra description and such sometime.

The adventurer can't help but gush over the food yet again as he and Dirk dig in. This time, he's at least using utensils for the eggs. He's fortunately not terrible with them, though he did enjoy being able to just dig in with his hands like the pancake meal. Still, the eggs and bacon are ridonkulously delicious and he loves it. He hums in pleasure as he munches on a fork-full of scrambled eggs; Dirk's the most amazing cook.

After breakfast, Jake needs to figure out a good date venue for the two of them so that he can ask in confidence. Once Dave's back home, Jake can ask for a little help on whatever plan reveals itself to him. He wants to be able to pay for it himself, and his grandma did leave money behind, but that will all require some aid from someone a bit more worldly experienced.

During the breakfast cleanup, Dirk’s phone rings. “It’s Dave,” Dirk says in response to a curious look from Jake, who goes back to cleaning up the dishes after giving Dirk a grin and a nod.

He answers the phone with a cool, “Yo.”

“Hey. So, I’m coming home in a couple of hours. This is a warning.” The voice of his brother on the other end sounds unusually guardian-like and down-to-business right now.

“A warning?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to walk in my house and have my retinas burned by my little brother and his kid-Tarzan doing like they do on the Discovery Channel, got it?”

Dirk jerks his head in surprise and he thinks he probably flushes a bit but before Jake can notice, he very quickly walks out of the kitchen and into his bedroom to hide behind the sound barrier that is his door.

“Once again,” the younger Strider finally replies, as flatly as possible, into the mouthpiece. “You are completely creepy and also insanely off the mark in thinking that Jake and I are in any sort of non-platonic relationship, let alone a sexual one.”

“Okay, one: I’m not creepy, bro. I specifically said that I don’t want to see that shit because it would freak me the fuck out. I’m like your parents, okay? No one wants to know when Mom and Dad are getting it on, right? Well, let me tell you that Ma and Pa also probably don’t want to know what Junior is up to in bed either.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty positive that your part in this conversation is still in the running for being creepy as fuck. Is there any way I can terminate this dialogue immediately? I am pressing control-C but nothing is happening?”

Dave doesn’t bother acknowledging anything his little brother says, plowing on into, “Two: I am calling so much bullshit on the relationship thing. It kinda hurts that you’d lie to me about that, Dirk.”

Well, that’s weird considering Dirk had been completely honest about his relationship with Jake. “I legitimately have no fucking idea what you are talking about. I wasn’t lying. There is nothing going on between me and Jake.”

There’s a crackly silent pause. And then, “That’s not what this sleazy gossip rag that I ganked off some grandma in the airport says.”

Dirk freezes at that. “...What?”

From the other side of the line there is the fluttering sound of pages turning. “You and Jake made the news by being kawaii boyfriends, little man. I’m looking at the article right now. Pics of you two holding hands and riding a carousel and buying what looks like enough pasta to feed several famished villages. Gotta admit that I’m kinda hoping that last one is staged, I don’t even know where we’d put that much goddamn pasta.”

“I moved some swords,” Dirk responds off-handedly, mind too preoccupied with the idea that he and Jake were portrayed as huge homos for each other in some magazine. Surprisingly (or not, really), he didn’t mind this. “What is this magazine? And how did you know I was in it?”

“It’s called like, StarTalk or something? And I saw your face on the cover.”

“The cover?” Dirk echoes, feeling weirdly out-of-body all of a sudden. This was the first time anything like this had happened and when he had been with Jake out in Houston it never even occurred to him that someone would tag him as Dave’s brother.

“Yeah, just a little pic though, on the side. Tagline’s something like, ‘Sexy Superstar Dave Strider’s hot younger bro is making it happen with new mystery boy?!?!?!?’”

Dirk doesn’t really know what to say to this. It is all at once amusing, irritating, embarrassing, and confusing that he would be pictured in such a way in the media. Celebrity news tended to stay away from him. He just wasn’t that interesting... but with Dave’s new movie coming out and Jake in tow, Dirk supposes he should have realized the end-result sooner.

Some part of Dirk’s brain processes that Dave has been outlining when his flights are and when he should be arriving home. He tunes his brother back in. “You there, little bro? I’ve gotta go; I’m actually in New York right now and the flighty broad’ll be picking me up in a few. I need to find something appropriately hideous and kitsch and possibly wizardly to give her. I’ll say hey to Roxy for you. And I’m bringing the magazine home to frame for the living room wall, so no worries about that.“

“Great. Good. Okay. Later,” says Dirk distractedly.

He hangs up the phone after hearing a completely ironically intended, “Mwah mwah, ciao shnookums. See you soon.”

Of course, as if getting news of his fake, yet obviously publicized romantic relationship with Jake wasn’t enough, Dirk hears Jake’s silly accent crying out in surprise, “What the frig?! Who the fuck are you?”

Followed immediately by Squarewave’s higher-pitched, heavily metallic voice shouting, “Sawtooth!”

God, it was going to be such a long day.


	19. In which Dirk and Jake see some juicy gossip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates. This one has been a long time going, but I assure you guys we haven't forgotten about this fic and are still working on it. Enjoy this new chapter and thanks for reading!

When Dirk's made it to the living room, Jake turns to him with a puzzled look as Squarewave hugs the taller robot that just strolled in with its own set of keys. "Strider, you have another robot? No wonder you were so infuriatingly busy all the time."

Sawtooth pats the smaller robot on the head and gives a regarding nod to Dirk. "Sup, lil' man? Been a while."

If Squarewave’s mouth were able to turn up into a smile, he would be grinning like a fool at the taller robot. As it is, he’s craning his neck to look up into that black hoodie, eyes turning like records with excitement. It had been a long time since Sawtooth had last visited home— too long for Squarewave but he wasn’t about to admit to such a dumb sentiment and risk lookin’ like a dweeb (even if he wasn’t about to stop pressing his metal face against Saw’s torso).

“Sawtooth,” Dirk greets, tipping his shades slightly before going to stand near Jake to casually observe the rapbot duo... and possibly to introduce his best friend to yet another of his robots. “Welcome home. Square’s been wondering when you were going to make an appearance again.”

"But I knew he'd be comin' back," Squarewave pipes in, not wanting Sawtooth to think he was too worried or something. He looks back up at the other robot. "Knew you wouldn't leave a robro hangin'."

The larger rapbot places his pointed metal digits on Squarewave’s red and blue cap, affectionately stroking his favorite little robot’s head. “You know me, lil’ bot. Wouldn’t dream of leaving you for too long.”

"Does this one rap, too?" asks Jake in a half-musing tone. He remembers an old conversation where Dirk mentioned having a rap-off with Squarewave. He doesn't remember information about this one, though maybe there had been a name drop at some point? Does this Sawtooth fellow perchance enjoy seeing the world? That would lead to so many questions!

Though vaguely distracted and a little surprised by this kind of unusual display of affection between his two robots, Dirk makes himself compartmentalize the confusion to actually give an answer to Jake.

However, before he can respond, Sawtooth beats him to the punch by staring down Jake and throwing out a brusque, “Yeah, I rap.” 

He then turns his slanted eyes to Dirk, asking flatly, “This that English kid?” 

“Yeah, it is,” Dirk responds carefully, kind of concerned that his creation is going to make this into a production. That isn’t typical of Sawtooth though, so he's probably worried over nothing. “Jake, Sawtooth. Sawtooth, Jake English.”

Sawtooth holds out his fist for a bump from the human his creator has had a painfully obvious crush on for years now. Jake, though, takes his hand for an eager shake as he boisterously says, "Well, pleased to make your acquaintance! Have you been traveling far? Seeing the world and whatnot?"

He releases the robot's claw-like hand from the greeting gesture and stares as if to indicate that he's listening intently; Squarewave seems excited to hear about his journey away from home as well. It must have been very interesting, given that he was able to travel in a time full of billions of people, some of which still practice good old slam poetry. Civilization isn't the flooded expanse of ocean that it used to be for Dirk, his robots, and Roxy. Thinking about it makes Jake think of the film Waterworld (despite neither Dirk nor Roxy being mutants with gills), but that's getting a tad off-topic and he wrangles his brain back to paying attention for Sawtooth's response.

The taller rapbot manages to look amused at the adventurer, despite having fixed metal features. Dirk can almost sense a sort of knowing and smug affection directed his way and it is difficult not to wonder whether Sawtooth might be comparing his own dorky, easily excitable companion to Dirk’s.

“Been around.” Sawtooth offers casually with a small shrug. “Just came from Japan. Another of them big cybernetic companies was goin’ on about how they made an unbeatable rapbot.”

Squarewave processes this, then yanks away from Sawtooth to hop around furiously, shouting out, “Like fuck they did!”

“And did they?” Dirk levelly asks, completely ignoring his little robot. The tiniest trace of a smile flutters around his lips but Squarewave doesn’t seem to notice as he violently shakes his metal head and he looks ready to start scolding Dirk for even questioning whether Sawtooth could beat some punk-ass wannabes from wherethefuckever.

Saw makes a barking noise, like a short laugh. “Nah. That robo-brother wasn’t even a challenge. Not his fault, since he was built by a bunch of chumpass business men who ain't got no business tryin' to lay out rhymes. Damn shame.”

There is a legitimate smile on Dirk’s face as he proudly bumps fists with the unbeatable robot, then Squarewave is once again nuzzling his way into Sawtooth’s personal bubble, eliciting another metallic chuckle.

The taller bot looks to his creator and says, “D, I know your boy here wants to hear more about my worldwide rap domination but I need a recharge.”

A light blush spreads across Dirk’s freckled cheeks at his family once again implying that Jake is ‘his.’

“You got my word that you can hit me up later, English.” The robot gives Jake a nod, Dirk an affectionate hair ruffle, and then he hoists Squarewave into his arms.

“And you’re comin’ with me, lil’ bot,” Sawtooth rumbles and the smaller robot makes a tiny “eep!” noise before slurring some halfhearted curses and protests at being picked up.

Sawtooth wanders over to an outlet next to a chair and pops in two plugs, one attached to his body and one for Square, before he drops onto the seat. The little bot shifts around on Saw’s lap before curling into the black hoodie and lolling into sleep mode while the other robot tilts his red hat over his eyes, wraps up his best robro in his arms, and begins his recharge.

Dirk has no fucking idea what to think of this. Did his rapbots always act like this and he just never noticed? Is this something new? They are like the way that he always imagined a relationship would be and it is a little unnerving since maybe this was his subconscious expressing itself through his coding.

Jake chuckles at the way the two robots have cuddled up together to recharge. Of course, he also heard the comment that Sawtooth made and now acknowledges it by teasingly nudging Dirk's ribs with his elbow. "'Your boy', am I? I'm positively aquiver to be part of your budding entourage."

Strider frowns, partly at the elbow and partly at the fact that Jake clearly did not understand the implications of that possessive adjective. Dense. His fist gently bumps with the side of Jake’s cowlicked head, trying to push him and his nudging away. Fortunately, Jake kindly led the conversation right to the thing that he was planning on discussing before Sawtooth decided to crash the party.

“Good to hear. Honestly, if you were anything less than palpitating with desire to jump aboard my train of starry-eyed followers, I’d almost be worried about telling you about the magazine spread on my possession of you in the romantic sense.” He says this offhandedly, like he isn’t actually capable of thinking about Jake in the romantic sense and he can’t be bothered to worry about why a magazine would put the two of them together.

"What?" Jake asks, looking somehow both entirely trusting and incredulous. It probably doesn't entirely compute to him that he can be even semi-famous in such a short amount of time without even really doing a thing. "A magazine? We're gossip in a frigging publication now?"

"Yeah. My bro informed me on that call. Apparently, I'm 'making it happen' with a 'mystery boy'," Dirk says in explanation while air quotations abound. "Mystery boy being the descriptive term used for you. They had pictures of us chilling at the zoo and shopping together."

"Jeez," replies the adventurer with a flustered chuckle. This isn't such a bad bit of news at all, what with Jake's attempts to charm the younger Strider. At least, it's a good thing if it doesn't make Dirk shy and nervous (because those are definitely possible, if immensely rare; Dirk's not emotionless). If he's lucky, this turn of events will simply make his attempts at flirtation a bit more apparent. "Been here less than a week and already have everyone thinking you're twitterpated for some mystifyingly adventurous beau."

He gives Dirk a wink, looking positively jovial. "Are my overwhelming charms winning you over, Bro? I'm very flattered, I assure you."

Dirk’s lips draw into a perfectly straight line. Jake is being a huge tease, joking around about his fuckin’ idiotic but still very legitimate appeal. Then Jake’s saying that he’s flattered, implying that Dirk being attracted to him isn’t something that makes him want to vomit. It’s annoying how much hope he is sparking in Dirk. The blonde always assumed those powers went away when the game ended.

“Yes,” he deadpans. Honesty in irony and all that. “It’s only been five days, but goddamn, I definitely don’t need any more time to know that I am hopelessly enamored with you. The tabloids don’t lie. You did it, Jake, you indeed made it happen. Whatever the fuck ‘it’ is. Bringing light into the darkness of my cold, lonely heart, probably.”

Dirk gives a dismissive shrug but his eyes are drawn towards the sleeping robots currently wrapped up in each other. If tin cans had feelings, Dirk imagines what Square and Saw appear to be feeling for each other would be pretty much exactly what he feels for Jake.

Maybe that was a joke, but Jake still can't help but broadly grin at that response... not that Dirk appears to be paying attention now. He takes a quick glance over at the "sleeping" robots as well; they probably don't need to actually sleep for recharging, but maybe they enjoy the closeness or want to make the recharging that much quicker. Jake doesn't know much about robots, though, so whatever. He looks back at Dirk and says, "I'm going to surf the interclouds and check up on things. Maybe you can think up another thrilling activity while I do that?"

The adventurer hops onto the couch and sprawls out, placing on his skulltop to commence with his secret plan. His goofy smile still highly visible to his best bro as he wears the ridiculous looking computer and ponders through things. Time to figure out a good venue for hanging out with Dirk (on a date). It has to be something fun, maybe also traditional for this type of outing; he's probably going to be too tongue-tied to call it a date.

Though Dirk is feeling a bit curious about why Jake is grinning like a fool (not that it’s particularly unusual behavior for him), he accepts his best bro’s need for alone time and takes the opportunity to go work on some shit in his room. At first, it’s a little weird to be without Jake— and even weirder that while he has no problems investing himself in working some bugs out of a new upgrade for Aayla (and, by extension, Lil’ Seb), he is constantly aware of the fact that it feels incredibly strange to not have Jake hovering at his side.

It's actually lonely, almost.

The debugging is almost satisfactorily completed by the time Dave comes home and pops his head into Dirk’s room to demand to know who left the shitty Ghost Rider cosplayer on the couch.

“He’s your homecoming present,” Dirk replies while pushing himself away from his desk and stretching.

“Really? Did you guys break up? Does that mean that now I can take him to the store to buy enough Doritos to feed a small Asian village with hella rudeiculous hunger? It’d be good publicity for me.” Dave casually flips through a magazine that suddenly appeared in his hands. Dirk can almost make out his blonde hair on the cover.

The younger Strider makes a motion to leave the room, catching the sleazy gossip rag as his older brother apparently grows bored of their conversation and tosses it at him before slinking off in the direction of his bedroom. Dirk ends up in the living room, shoving Jake’s feet off the couch to make room to sit before he starts to study the magazine.

"Hey..." Jake takes off the skulltop, just finishing reading up on some place called the Alamo Drafthouse, and notices the magazine in Dirk's hands before he can complain further. He turns off the skulltop and places it on the coffee table, scooting closer to his friend. "Is that the magazine Dave told you about?"

Dirk's response is to hold up a full-page spread featuring a blown up picture of the two of them on the carousel. "I can't even express how glad I am that they captured the glorious triumph of Zephyros over your shitty elephant-pig."

Jake can't hold back a snort of amusement, even as Dirk gloats over his loss on the tapir. He takes the magazine out of Strider's hands to read through it and actually looks pretty pleased with himself as he scans through the articles and photos of him and Dirk together. Jake points to the end and notingly says, "Look at that, Bro. They're asking folks to mail in their assessments of me from our little rendezvous together."

Dirk stares at the little blurb of contact info Jake’s finger is hovering over and makes a small noise of acknowledgement. He’s unsure of how to feel about his non-relationship being some kind of open forum, though mostly he doesn’t care what anyone thinks so he’s probably just going to go ahead and apply that same apathy to whatever people write in. 

He turns the page to find a few smaller pictures. There’s a couple of them holding hands, but Dirk is drawn to one in particular. 

It is eye-catching, for one, because he was smiling. It was a very Strider smile— a barely curled mouth— but Dirk recognizes it as a legitimate expression of happiness captured on his face. They also miraculously managed to pick up his eyes in this picture. He’s looking over the top of his shades at Jake pulling him along, like he was doing nearly the entire zoo trip, but here he’s looking back at Dirk. Instead of the usual too-wide-for-his-face, toothy and lopsided grin, Jake’s lips were turned up into this really charming little affectionate smile. His best friend’s green eyes are sweet, kind, attentive, and trained on him, as if he doesn’t want to stop looking. It seems so loving and, honestly, Dirk can’t remember seeing Jake ever look at him quite like that... but here was photographic proof.

Dirk spends a long minute taking in the image, before moving his eyes to Jake’s. “Got a favorite?” he asks softly. It was intended to come out jokingly, but Dirk’s now favorite picture has put him in a weirdly romantic mood.

"Mm..." Jake's eyes scan the pages a little more and then his finger is hovering over the one that caught Dirk's eye. It's actually the amused expression Dirk has in it, his eyes lit up like he's holding back laughter at how ridiculous Jake had been in that moment, that got the adventurer's attention. To be perfectly honest, it makes Jake feel pretty damn special to know that he caused that expression. He's having so much fun in Houston and he doesn't think he can ask for too much more... except perhaps that kiss he's been trying to earn. "I have a fondness for this one, but we look so fucking awesome in all of these, don't we? Two choice buds having a fun romp together."

“Yeah, Jake, they’re all really great. Each picture captures the essence of our super fun choice bud-dom in a completely accurate way,” snarks Dirk, but once again, he’s seeing exactly what he has been wanting in these pictures. He points at a caption below a picture of the two of them eating ice-cream and reads off, “’Dirk Strider’s probably thinking that his new boytoy sure knows how to work that ice-cream. Winky face.’”

The expression the blonde is making is a mix of smug and teasing as his eyebrows shoot up at Jake. “So accurate it’s uncanny. I actually thought that the entire time you were smearing the chocolate shell all over your face.”

"They think I'm a boytoy?" he asks, flushing a painfully obvious red and tugging at his collar in one of his usual nervous tics. Jake knows that eating ice-cream and other confections can be suggestive sometimes, but he didn't think someone would take a picture of him enjoying a treat with Dirk and then narrate it like it's about to turn to smut. "Hell's bells, we're leagues classier than that."

Though Dirk’s intention was to make Jake flustered and flushed (and he’s going to ignore the part of his brain that is insisting on this being adorable as fuck), he doesn’t want to push it to the point of complete awkwardness. “Damn straight,” he says, nudging Jake with his arm to try to relax him and ease the embarrassment. “Who but the classiest of gentlemen would purchase a fucking cartful of pasta?”

Jake snickers at that one and spots a picture of said event, with him holding the large pile of noodles and talking to Dirk. He reads the caption to his friend with a grin. '"Dirk Strider and his little mystery man, preparing for whiling away a few days (or weeks) in privacy???' They have a comment on everything, don't they?"

“Not everything,” Dirk says, tapping his finger on another picture. In this one, the duo are standing next to Butterscotch, Dirk having just pulled Jake off of the ground so their hands are still clasped and they’re leaning towards each other. Dirk supposes it does look romantic, but the picture would be exponentially better if Butterscotch were featured more prominently. “On this one they only added shittily photoshopped cowboy hats onto our heads.”

He stares critically at the picture for a few more seconds then shakes his head. “Wait, nevermind. I have a tiny speech bubble next to me that says ‘I wish I knew how to quit you’ and you have one that says, ‘save a horse, ride a cowboy.’ So fucking clever.”

Jake snorts at that ridiculous bit of "journalism", having basically been required to look at the abomination of a photo for himself, and replies, "Do they even remember how old Brokeback Mountain is? Good lord, the poor oafs must not have any fresh material if they're falling on that already. Good movie and all, but still..."

He glances over at Dirk with a look that's so ridiculously happy and all sunshine that it's kind of dazzling. "You don't really want to quit me, do you? I'm pretty sure promises of five-ever don't expire."

There has never been a moment where Dirk has wanted to kiss Jake more. Not when he and Jake slow danced during the Chameleon celebration, not when he was taking his last breaths on his quest bed with Jake at his side, not when he picked Jake up from Hellmurder Island and saw him for the first time in over a year, not even during any of their adventures in Houston. (Though, in all honestly, there probably aren’t any times when Dirk doesn’t want to kiss Jake.)

Right at this moment, Dirk can’t think of anything other than resting his fingertips along Jake’s jaw and drawing slowly closer until the meeting of their lips explains how quitting will never be a thing Dirk Strider can do when it comes to Jake English.

He doesn’t do it, though. He just stares at the gorgeous, grinning boy and he’s sure his mouth is doing some idiotic looking twisted smile because his heart aches a little- but it's the best kind of ache.

“We’ve already established the fact that five-ever is longer than forever, so you’re right,” Dirk finally says, eyes still focused on Jake.

"Yeah. And I'm damn well grateful for that," he replies, leaning forward just a slight bit more. Maybe just one little kiss won't hurt... Perhaps he can claim that he fell forward in a moment of dizziness if Dirk is offended by it.

A sudden bass note cuts the near silence, startling the two; in fact, Jake practically jumps into the air with how unsettled he is by it. Dirk is able to keep his cool, past one almost imperceptible start and blink in surprise. The sound is coming from Dirk's own room and it probably means Squarewave and Sawtooth are working on sick beats of some sort; figures it would be so inopportune.


	20. In which some sick fires are slammed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update! Hooray!  
> The next one probably won't be up so soon, but I thought it would be nice to post this one up rather quickly since there's definitely several readers waiting on this. Hope you guys like it!

Of fucking course the rapbots interrupted that little charged moment. It had even looked like Jake was moving in for something, maybe a kiss. Would Jake have actually kissed him? He supposes it doesn’t really matter, even if he is disappointed. If it hadn’t been the bots interrupting, Dirk’s sure that it would have been Bro or a nuclear holocaust or something. Whatever.  
  
A shaky little chuckle comes from Jake and he looks just as remarkably amiable as usual about the little scare. "Perhaps we should see what your talented robots are up to?"  
  
Dirk still looks at least a little irritated by the interruption but he swallows it down, since Jake looks interested in what the robots are doing. “No doubt they’re going to be rapping, but sure, we can go chill with them while they slam.”  
  
They both remove themselves from the couch and Dirk leads the way into his bedroom where the two robots are currently engaged in lyrical battle. Strider sits on the bed and beckons Jake over, relaxing and leaning back as his best friend drops down next to him with bright eyes. Jake immediately flops onto his stomach to happily watch the robots and Dirk can’t help but notice that Jake is vaguely pressed against him, lying close.  
  
Occasionally Dirk beatboxes for the robots, but mostly the human boys just watch and listen as Squarewave gets demolished again and again by Sawtooth’s insane flow without ever seeming to want to stop. Like the little rapbot that could.  
  
The unbeatable rapper shakes his head after beating Squarewave yet again. “Lil’ bot, come give me metal cause I’m impressed as fuck. Ain’t nowhere to go but up.”   
  
Squarewave swaggers over, puffed up on the praise from his best friend and still shows no signs of stopping. He gets a clanging fist bump and an affectionate flick to his baseball cap, then Sawtooth glances over at the humans and says, “D, tagging you in. Don’t know if I can handle any more of these fires so I’m gonna chat up your boy like I promised.”  
  
Dirk looks to Jake, who encourages him with a push and some playful murmurs of “Go on, then! Show us what you’ve got, Strider.”   
  
“Fine.” Dirk somewhat reluctantly rises off the bed and rolls his neck. “Prepare to get trashed yet again, ‘lil’ bot.’”  
  
"Says the be-yotch about to lose!" Squarewave attempts to posture impressively despite his diminutive size, but it understandably isn't the intimidating show of force the robot is aiming for. He starts playing a beat for he and Dirk to use as accompaniment for their lyrical battle.  
  
"Check it!  
  
Yo, dogg, you sayin' that you cold as the steel  
of a sweet chassis or blade,  
  
But if I had boondollars for your trippin'  
I'd get ludicrously paid,  
  
The bass of that fleshy human heart  
switching its beat,  
Every time you see English  
so much as eat,  
Sayin' any different  
is some weak-ass deceit,  
How about you prove that  
my prowess you can meet?  
  
Top that, D-Strizzle! I dare ya!"  
  
Still chilling on the bed, Jake, now sporting what might be a light blush, cheers, "Come on, Strider! Show him some lyrical what for!"  
  
Sawtooth gives a nod of approval to Squarewave's attempts and then is back to helpfully offering a distraction for Jake by talking about his most recent travels to challenge any rapper that will face him. Once the adventurer is back to being enthralled over stories of exotic locales, as well as slightly more mundane ones for people that haven't lived on isolated islands or similar locations, Dirk is focusing on the challenging rap-bot; the one that just rapped about his infatuation for Jake English.  
  
To say Dirk was a little annoyed by Squarewave’s teasing would be a severe understatement. While he normally just laughed at his smaller creation’s usually silly topics, rapping about Jake when he was right there was decidedly not okay.  
He was going to destroy this robot.  
  
Dirk takes a couple of seconds to let the beat progress to the part where he wants to begin and then in his cool, collected way, he raps, “Listen up, Squarewave, I’m not repeating,  
Dare me all you want but you’re gonna be eatin’,  
  
All your words about me ‘tripping.’  
We both know that that’s your thing  
Fallin’ off Unreal Air won’t hurt as bad as the sting  
  
of defeat at my lyrics, my flow’s got you trumped.  
Go ahead, bring up Jake;  
you’re just getting me pumped.  
  
By the conclusion, you’ll be begging for my mad fist bumps  
And I hate to break it to you, man,  
But I don’t bro-five with chumps.”  
  
At this Sawtooth pauses his conversation with Jake with a metallic chuckle and offers a complimentary “damn” to Dirk, who smirks just a little in return.  
  
It takes a second for Squarewave to process the lyrics and understand the diss. However, as soon as it has gotten through his circuits, he starts bobbing up and down heatedly, buzzing with annoyance and about to start up again. “Tell that to your bo-“  
  
Dirk smoothly cuts the little rapbot off with a hand and catches the beat again.  
  
“Alright.  
You wanna thrown down about English?  
  
I can handle that shit,  
Get ready to quit, remit,  
dude, you’re making me spit.  
  
If you think that red feelings have made me lose my wits,  
Will make me throw some lame fit,  
That now your Prince will submit,  
That now I’m less eloquent,  
even if I’m so divided that my mind fuckin’ split,  
  
Think again. I’ll admit, I have given it some thought,  
I’m going to give it a shot,  
but fuck,  
I sure as hell didn’t code an inquisitionbot.  
I made you out of metal not meddle; good thing I took you apart,  
I created you, now I’ve destroyed you..."  
  
Dirk’s eyes flicker over to Jake for just the briefest second, not that anyone could tell with his shades on, before he ends calmly, “So let’s keep this the fuck out of my heart.”  
  
He doesn’t say anything more but he doesn’t need to because it is clear that Squarewave just got totally trounced. Poor little guy- although admittedly the rapbot doesn’t seem to mind terribly, gyrating eagerly like he’s about to proposition a rematch.  
  
Dirk shakes his head, turns to Sawtooth, and says, “I’m outie. Your turn again.” Then he sits down on the bed near Jake and raises an eyebrow at his friend, non-verbally asking, “So, what did you think?”  
  
"That was great, Bro," Jake says, practically bouncing with amusement. "I think Sawtooth was impressed, too. That dude sure gets around, huh?"  
  
Dirk nods, hiding his pleasure with Jake’s praise under the typical mask of indifference. “Yes, he does.” The thought of Sawtooth travelling the world makes Dirk wonder if that is the sort of life that Jake would want to live too. He knows that he personally wouldn’t mind wandering the globe with a certain adventurer.  
  
"And I think I caught something in there that hints you were defending my honor?" Jake gives him a playful little nudge. "My heart's all aflutter that you got so chivalrous for me."  
  
The supposedly chivalrous dude gives a dismissive snort and nudges back. Clearly Jake is joking about the heart thing, but it still puts a pleased little smile on Dirk’s face to hear it. Of course, it doesn’t look like Jake really understood the entirety of the rap and the romantic implications, since he tended to be pretty oblivious to that sort of thing. That’s okay though. “Someone’s got to stick up for you. Might as well be me.”  
  
“Real smooth, lil’ bro. You’re making me proud,” says Dave, appearing ninja-like in the doorway of Dirk’s room.  
  
Dirk’s expression flashes to annoyance before immediately slipping back to blank. Flatly he says, “I’m so glad I could help you with your low self-esteem. Even I was starting to feel sorry for you, having a ego the size of planet fucking Jupiter but such an infinitesimal dick.”  
  
Dave smirks, “Nice one, but don’t steal my shit. You wanna know what is actually really huge though?”  
  
“ _My_ dick?” Dirk innocently and impassively responds.  
  
The older Strider slowly claps his hands. “The correct answer is my mad hunger. We need to get some nutrients up in my system stat. I’m thinking that greaseball of a Chinese joint downtown is our best bet.”  
  
Dirk stares. “Bro, there are still three boxes of pizza in the fridge. Eat those.”  
  
“Dirk, listen, I got a blood test today,” Dave solemnly says and a flicker of concern passes over Dirk’s face. “And they told me I am severely lacking in MSG. We both know the only solution is delicious pork lo mein. Your treat.”  
  
“Oh my god. Fuck you.”  
  
“Cool. I’ll get the car.”  
  
\------------  
  
The trio went home from dinner feeling content and extremely full. Dirk and Dave both had a good chuckle about the way Jake treated dining in a restaurant and his reaction to Chinese food- enthusiastic and adorable as always. Dirk let Jake have his fortune cookie at the end of the meal, but the adventurer had insisted that the fortune inside had to go to Dirk. He also refused to let anyone look at his own fortune; he just said it was perfect for him and that he didn't want to jinx it.  
  
Dirk's was "Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you."  
  
He looked to Jake at his left, snorted, and crumpled the little slip of paper up, thinking that it should have told him something he didn't already know.  
  
Once they enter the apartment, Dirk says to his older brother, "You do realize you owe us for that."  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! I know what to do!" Jake pipes in, waving his arm like he's asking for permission from a teacher or something. He doesn't wait for anything even close to permission and keeps gladly speaking up. "Dave can help me with some errands!"  
  
Dirk stares at Jake, both for the flailing and for the errands. This is the first time he's heard anything about Jake needing something and he's kind of confused as to why the adventurer didn't just come to him about it. It turns in to a vague dull hurt when the thought occurs to him that maybe Jake wants to spend time with Dave alone because he's an idol, a big star that Dirk can't hope to compete with. He doesn't let himself get caught up in that though, instead stating flatly, "Jake, you know I can help with whatever you need to do."  
  
"Nooooo. Not yet, Bro," Jake replies to Dirk, giving a little shake of his head. "It's a secret and I kind of need some help from Dave."  
  
A secret? That's a terrible excuse and Dirk is still nursing an idiotic hurt that has now combined with suspicion. But feeling like that is stupid and if Jake wants Dave's help over his own then fine, he'll relent. Reluctantly. "Alright."  
  
Dave has been watching this exchange quietly and smirks at his little bro when he agrees to whatever the jungle dork wants. The older Strider is thinking that the "errand" is probably something like the "asking permission for courtship" thing the dude pulled when he first arrived in the apartment. But Dirk's reaction to this is too priceless not to exploit a little.  
  
"I'm happy to help, Jake," he says with smirk, putting a hand on the younger boy's surprisingly broad shoulder. Holy shit, this kid is built like a barrel.  
  
"Thanks," Jake replies with one of his usual broad grins. It's surprising how much things light up, even from Dirk's perspective, when the adventurer smiles. "This is vitally important, so it's good to know this is voluntary enough."  
  
Dirk is staring unhappily at Dave, who has yet to remove his hand from Jake's shoulder, but it is hidden well behind his shades. The only thing that gives away his annoyance and displeasure is the tiny scowl on his lips; it's hardly noticeable.  
  
"Jake, bring Aayla with you." He realizes this might be construed as overprotective and while it actually is, he doesn't want to come off that way. So he makes an excuse with a small basis of truth. "I made some changes in her coding earlier and I want you to tell me if she behaves normally."  
  
"Alrighty." Jake looks over to Aayla, who's been watching the proceedings almost curiously since the human is her charge and all, and waves to beckon her over. "C'mon, Aayla. Let's go finish the preparations for the _grand plan_."  
  
If Dirk didn't catch himself, he would have actually demanded to know what the "plan" is before letting Jake leave. He's having difficulty feigning indifference as it is though, especially as a smirking Dave flashes his younger brother a peace sign and strolls casually out of the apartment after Jake, far too close to him for Dirk's liking. Wow, is he really that jealous? Why is he feeling so threatened? He thinks it's because he doesn't like to be left in the dark about things and Jake seems to be doing that intentionally; it puts him on edge to know that something is coming but he doesn't know what.   
  
While his best friend and crush goes off with his older brother, Dirk decides to distract himself by having a little spar with one of his good old killer death-bots.   
  
It only makes him feel a little better and lands him a gash on the arm.


	21. In which Jake asks Dirk out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter. Sorry it's been taking so long and I hope you guys enjoy it. There's some major progress being made for them, albeit very awkwardly.

This is it, the day when Jake asks for Dirk to do him the honor of hanging out in a nice romantic event! Jake's so excited, he could hardly stand all of the time it took to shower and eat breakfast. He's pretty sure Dirk has, too, by now, but he's been doing that speedy-teleporty thing so far. Jake has to admit he's curious about what's up with that, but he'll have some time to ask. With the movie tickets safely tucked in his sylladex, he knocks on Dirk's bedroom door, seriously barely able to contain his excitement now. "Hey, Dirk. Are you in there?"  
  
For the majority of the morning, Dirk has been pouting.  
  
That sounds stupid. He refuses to admit that's what he's been doing, even if that's exactly what he's been doing. There's just a part of him that is a little annoyed by Jake's secrecy and, maybe partly, that he came home from his "errands" with Dave kind of late. He said a clipped goodnight to Jake through his door, choosing to stay inside and nurse his injury (both physical and emotional) rather than see his best friend. It was seriously dumb but he is still avoiding seeing Jake, flash-stepping all over the house and holing himself in his room with the rapbots.  
  
When Jake knocks on his door, he's in the middle of tightening some bolts on Sawtooth's chassis and his arms are covered in grease. After a couple of moments thinking about whether he should continue to be an asshole, he emotionlessly calls out, "Door's open."  
  
Jake happily pops in, practically skipping to Dirk's side. "Hey, bud! I was wondering if you'd do me the hono-"  
  
His eyes are drawn to the bandages on Dirk's right upper arm that he hadn't managed to spot earlier because of the younger Strider wanting some more sleep. Jake steps a bit closer, clearly already fretting over the injury. "Fuck, are you alright, Bro? I didn't catch this. Did it happen this morning?"  
  
Dirk looks at his bandaged arm too and shrugs before turning back to his robot with a tiny screwdriver. He doesn't bother looking at Jake, instead focusing on the tiny points of articulation in Sawtooth's hand as he adjusts certain screws. "I'm fine. Happened last night while you were out."  
  
"Oh." Jake feels a bit flustered now for not managing to notice those bandages before, but if Dirk says it's not a big deal, he'll accept that for now. He takes a deep breath and attempts to try again, saying, "Well, I was wondering if you'd do me the honor of accompanying me to a movie this afternoon?"  
  
Dirk nearly drops his screwdriver. He freezes, then looks up at the vaguely nervous looking boy and his goofy face for the first time this morning.  
  
"...A movie?" he asks quietly. There's that weird arrythmic thumping in his chest again, right alongside the blossoming of hope.  
  
"Yeah!" Jake says with a smile, uncaptchaloguing the tickets to show Dirk. "There's some place in town called Alamo Drafthouse that is featuring a quote-along to Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and I have two tickets! That's the big surprise I was cooking up. Would you like to go with me...?"  
  
Oh. Dirk blinks slowly and stupidly at the tickets in Jake's hand while his hope doesn't stop from getting stronger. This is sort of almost like being asked out on a date, right? His heart sure seems to think so; it's practically shouting _go go go_ with every thud. He keeps calm though, not wanting to get overexcited and lose his cool. After all, it isn't even officially a date, just a bro-outing.  
  
"Yeah," Dirk says finally, looking at Jake over the top of his shades with a little grin. "Sounds amusing."  
  
"WHOO!" Jake is practically jumping for joy at that reaction, despite how overdramatic it probably looks to both Dirk and Sawtooth (Squarewave probably doesn't mind in the least). He gives his friend a tight hug, mindful of the injured arm, though not as mindful of Dirk's left arm. Dirk carefully stops his jostled arm from scratching Sawtooth's metal hand with the small screwdriver since he'd probably feel a need to help the robot buff it out in apology. "I'm so excited to go, Strider! We'll have a spiffing time, I assure you! I've also noticed there's a menu there for food, so I'm ready to treat the both of us while we're there!"  
  
If Sawtooth had the capability to smirk slightly in a mixture of pride and smug knowledge, let alone smirk at all, now would be the perfect time. Despite the shaking to Dirk's arm with the screwdriver, Sawtooth's certain that English is a good guy for Dirk; they compliment one another pretty damn well and Dirk certainly didn't brogram a fool that's blind to the obvious.  
  
Though the cool has been mostly recovered, the sheer excitement that Jake is displaying- even if it might very well be only because he loves movies so much- makes Dirk duck his head to hide his wide smile from the unflappable rapbot (as well as the peskier sidekick) and dorky adventurer. “Cool. I’m looking forward to it.”  
  
Dirk really is stoked for this event. Though his interest in Indiana Jones is probably not a great equivalent to that of Jake’s, he enjoys the movies well enough. Mostly, he just wants to see Jake in a movie theater with him and probably would have been happy with that even without that nice food bribe.  
  
"It should be at 2:30," Jake adds, captchaloguing the tickets for later. He motions to the grease with a snicker. "You might need to wash up in a bit."  
  
"I'm all good now. I don't mind your boy cutting in for a bit, so you better get to that ablution," Sawtooth says, ruffling Dirk's hair fondly to go with the good-natured teasing.  
  
Squarewave gives Dirk a nudge, clearly enjoying the idea of giving some playful barbs to their admirable creator. "Have fun at that movie, dogg."  
  
Dirk carefully keeps his face inscrutable but it’s hard to keep the creeping happiness from his voice when he rises from his seat and starts to towel off his hands, replying, “I’m sure I will.”  
  


\------------

After a decent amount of time scrubbing off oil in the shower and meticulously styling his hair, Dirk finds himself staring critically into the foggy bathroom mirror and thinking way too much about the possible implications of going to the movies with Jake.

He’s not even completely sure why he’s bothering to look nice— the movie is no doubt going to be a ridiculous dorkfest and Jake is definitely going to be too absorbed in Harrison Ford’s handsome mug to pay any attention to the non-archeologist/adventurer next to him. Not that he needs Jake to pay attention to him. This whole thing isn’t a date. Jake never said it was a date. But as much as Dirk would like to not think of this as a date, he’s thinking of it as a date. Maybe. Perhaps he will kiss Jake at the end of the not-date? Would that make it a date?

Dirk nearly goes into planning overdrive at this thought, barely managing to restrain himself from absconding with Jake's perfectly bro-time friendly outing to tweak it into god knows what.

The only thing that stops him is the thought that after all of his preening, it's probably about time to go. He slips out of the steamed-up bathroom and into his room to not stew over dates or kissing or adventurers- on-screen and off.

"Almost ready, you blasted peacock?" Jake asks teasingly, knocking on Dirk's bedroom door. All of the preening does seem a bit silly to him, but only because Dirk's a good looking guy regardless. He grins when the door opens and his best bro greets him with a small curve of a smile on his lips.

“You can’t rush art,” Dirk flatly jokes as he steps into the hallway with Jake. The little smile hasn’t left his face and he almost comes off as eager when he jingles his keys and says, “I’m ready if you are.”

"Then let's get our butts in gear, Bro!" Jake takes Dirk's empty hand in his own and practically drags him out of the apartment in his excitement. This sort-of date is going to be absolutely marvelous if he can help it. Once they've made it down to the garage and subsequently the bike, they put on their helmets and climb on together to go to the correct theater. For a second, it almost feels like the excited adventurer gives Dirk a nuzzle on the back, but once they're in motion, Jake's definitely allowing for some correct concentration.

They make it over to the theater with some time to spare, so they take some nice seats. Jake's certainly never seen a movie theater quite like this one in movies he's seen. There are rows of seats, but enough room in between for long tables that span a couple of the chairs; there's even some menus, papers, and pens already laid out. Since they're early enough, one of the employees approaches with the the usual spiel about the theater.

"Hey. Have you two been here before?" the waitress asks. Dirk doesn't reply since Jake quickly shakes his head and points out they're billing together. "Well, welcome to the Alamo Drafthouse. After you've decided on what you'd like to order, just write it down on a slip of paper and prop it up for one of the employees to see. One of us will pick it up and bring out the order when it's ready. If you want to add something later, just do the same thing."

Jake's honestly a bit relieved at the simplicity of the whole thing and begins looking through the menu curiously as the waitress leaves for a while, quickly devolving into snickering at the references and puns in some of the dish titles.

"What are you thinking of trying out?" Jake asks Dirk in a low voice, not wanting to interrupt anyone nearby. There's not too much going on right now, though, past a silly bunch of clips relevant to the movie that's going to be played, as well as occasional advertisements for other special events coming up.

Dirk slowly pulls off his shades so that he can properly shoot Jake a look of disbelief and scorn as he stabs his finger at the Green Chili Mac and Cheese listed on the menu. “This."

Honestly, does Jake really have to ask? He knows Dirk loves his noodles. He perches the glasses on top his head since the theater is already dimly lit and will only get darker.

"Mm. Alright, then," Jake replies, picking up a pen and piece of paper. Once he's scribbled out the order, he props it up, though Dirk doesn't get the chance to see what sort of stuff was ordered before an employee picks it up. Jake leans towards Dirk, happily nudging his best bro and crush. "This is going to be such a ripsnorting event, I can tell. Thanks for coming with me. Wouldn't be the same without you."

He gets a small smile and an elbow to the side in return. Dirk leans, bringing them even closer together to quietly murmur, “Damn, Jake, you sure know how to make a dude feel special.” His eyes are warm and teasing.

That manages to get a light blush from Jake, not that Strider can see his handiwork with the lights dimmed and some previews playing. "Ha ha. Shucks, Bro, I'm just speaking my mind."

An employee ducks over to them and hands over two glasses, one of orange soda and the other of water, and then an order of chips and queso for an appetizer. Jake's hoping that it's something Dirk will like and maybe he'll enjoy the other upcoming secret part of the meal, but that's an issue to think over when it happens. It's going to be so awesome to watch this movie with someone so close to him; he'd probably be just as happy even if he didn't have a crush on Dirk, even if he doesn't know if it will be something ever reciprocated.

As the opening credits begin, he curiously picks up a tortilla chip, dips it into the warm cheese, and munches on it... It's actually a very tasty snack. Hell, he wouldn't mind eating Dirk's share too if it wouldn't give him quite the stomach ache since there's still an entree and something else on the way. "Mm."

Dirk smiles at Jake’s typical reaction to new foods and helps himself to some queso, happily popping chips into his mouth as he stretches and back in his chair to get comfortable. He keeps his body leaned towards Jake- though whether he does it intentionally is up in the air as he keeps his uncovered eyes trained on the screen rather than casting any more of those affectionate glances at his not-date.

Jones is sitting down for the trade-off with the Chinese mob-boss, Lao, and Dirk is perfectly able to mime the intense but level-headed demeanor when he softly quotes the suave, low tones of Harrison Ford. “No, you’ve insulted me. I spared his life.”

Though he's always had a good memory, Dirk hasn't actually seen this movie more than once and he... might have looked up some quotes online to memorize after Jake invited him to impress his movie-loving best friend. Not that he'll admit to that.

Jake glances over at Dirk very obviously and flashes a smile, impressed to know that Dirk does appreciate some classic cinema. A lesser chap might give in and kiss the lovable scoundrel right now, but Jake wants them to be able to enjoy the movie together first. It definitely has nothing to do with nerves at all...

He looks back to the screen as Jones takes Willie hostage and the mobsters are offering over gold coins as part of a trade for an important artifact. No dice on that deal, though! As Indiana Jones points out quite clearly... "The diamond, Lao. The deal was for the diamond."

As they speak the quote with Indie, a waitress discreetly walks over, dropping off a tall milkshake glass with two straws. "The entrees should be ready in a few minutes."

When they're as alone as possible again for being in a movie theater, Dirk raises an eyebrow at the large beverage. This is all very suspicious, though the shakes always come in that size; the two straws thing is new, but perhaps the waitress assumed something? Perhaps she recognized them or at least Dirk?

"Hope you don't mind it's chocolate," Jake murmurs, maybe slightly nervous with how incredulous Strider is looking at the drink. Either he's surprised that Jake got one or because of the sharing thing and one definitely gets him more nervous than the other. As much as Jake wants to woo his friend, he doesn't want to make him uncomfortable if he's reading into things wrong. Jake takes one of the thick straws and tries a little bit, smiling at the taste and hoping that Dirk isn't too put off by sharing.

It turns out he really isn’t that put off because he hooks a finger around the straw not currently occupied with Jake’s mouth and pulls it closer to him. He takes a cautious sip, still looking slightly mystified as he eyes the drink.

Dirk’s mind runs rapidly through the situation. Did Jake ask for two straws? Does he understand the adorably sweet and somewhat flirty implications of sharing a milkshake? (That’s a stupid question, Dirk thinks, since the boy has watched more than enough movies to know that this is the stuff of teenagers in love.) So was this blatant flirting on Jake’s part?

And if it is, what should Dirk do about it? The lack of planning suddenly hits him and throws him into near panic. Part of him immediately starts hissing that if they’ve gotten to the point that they can share a milkshake, then they might as well start sharing spit. He tells that part of him to fuck off because he’s still not entirely sure if Jake is fully aware of his actions and being a reckless tool is not the way Dirk Strider rolls.

Crunching on another chip, Dirk curls up in his chair and starts seriously planning out how to step up the romantic actions on his side while staring blankly at the chaos now occurring on the screen.

Fortunately, Jake and the other moviegoers are all occupied with quoting and making various boisterous reactions to the scenes unfolding, so no one's particularly noticed Dirk's dilemma. It's several more minutes until the entrees are finally brought to them, Dirk's pasta and Jake's order- a Royale with Cheese Burger.

Things are going smoothly, even with an occasional gentle nudge from Jake to coax his friend into participating in the audience shenanigans. Dirk can't help the smallest of smiles when it's clear that English isn't about to forget his presence in the least and is going to pay some attention to make sure he jumps in and has some fun.

The only problem is the infamous Kali Ma scene, a.k.a. the nightmare fuel scene where the priest rips out a man's still beating heart as part of a ritual, arguably one of the most iconic moments for Indiana Jones. A few of the people around them jokingly mime the gestures while screaming the lines. Jake ends up turning to Dirk, but finds himself hesitating; it's not even much like what transpired with Brobot, but he finds that he can't even pretend to take Dirk's heart like that. That heart of Dirk's is something he wants to defend.

Broken out of his thoughts by the screeching in the theater, Dirk tilts his head to check out Jake’s reaction to the biggest scene in the movie and immediately notices the uncomfortable look on his friend’s face. His eyes flicker back to the screen, taking in the pulsing bloody heart before returning to Jake. His pained expression triggers a surge of guilt over Brobot in Dirk and he frowns slightly, debating on how to go about providing comfort before choosing to sympathetically slide an arm around Jake’s shoulders and pat at his back. It’s a slightly awkward move and Dirk immediately regrets it and pulls away, mumbling apologies and feeling idiotic.

Jake manages a grateful if slightly sheepish smile at Dirk's response to the issue. He shakes his head at the quiet apologies, then takes Dirk's hand into his own in a quick motion and a soft squeeze. "Don't fret, Bro. Thanks."

Dirk shakes his head but squeezes back, not relinquishing Jake. Refusing to think too much about it, he slowly slides his fingers between Jake’s and sets their tangled hands against Jake’s leg before taking a swig from his soda and trying to play it off like he hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary. The movie is suddenly really interesting and he focuses on it while not thinking at all about how he’s pretty fucking terrible at romance.

Jake takes a sip of his glass of water, enthralled with the movie other than the small detail of the warm hand in his. Occasionally, he gives a soft squeeze or a few strokes to the strife-roughened hand Dirk's entwined with his own; it feels so comfortable and has him elated. Watching the movie, he relaxes in contented near silence, sometimes letting out a chuckle or groan depending on the current scene.

Surprisingly enough, Dirk relaxes and starts to actually watch them movie. He’s not sure whether it is the sense of security provided by Jake not flat-out rejecting the handhold or the calming squeezes that occur occasionally, but he stops dwelling on worries and plans and starts scoping Harrison Ford and enjoying himself.

There’s still a lot of milkshake left towards the end of the movie, so Dirk takes it upon himself to start drinking more of it.

Though his eyes are still firmly glued to the film, Jake leans forward to have some more of the shake as well and ends up lightly tapping their temples together. He chuckles in response, adjusting his now slightly skewed glasses with his free hand, the other still clasping Dirk's, then takes another sip of the chocolate drink. Dirk might find it silly that Jake's enjoying such a simple and sappy moment, but he figures he might as well enjoy it while he can.

The bump startles Dirk and he turns to look at the goofy adventurer fiddling with his glasses; those foresty eyes just kill him and the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs... It makes his chest clench and he just stares as Jake happily shares in the milkshake. Dirk thinks about how much he wants to have moments like this with Jake indefinitely and squeezes his best friend’s hand tighter, eyes focused on his lopsided grin.

Dirk thinks he could easily kiss him. They are pretty close to one another and when Jake drops the straw from his mouth, it would only take a small shift for Dirk to press their lips together...

But he doesn’t feel quite prepared to do that yet and when the credits start to roll onscreen, he shakes his head at himself and pulls his hand away from Jake’s to stretch.

Jake places a tip with the reciept for the meal payment then stands up and stretches with a pleased grunt. This day is turning out glorious; the movie was fun and the food was good. With the way things are going, Jake is feeling confident enough to, well, confide his interest to Dirk.

They ride back to casa de Strider, enjoying the comfortable little embrace that's practically required. They walk back into the abode, laughing together and giving teasing shoves. Jake's decided that now is indeed the time to show his hand. After Dirk closes the door behind them, Jake says, "I had a fucking magnificent time today."

He leans over, pressing his lips to Dirk's cheek. The kiss certainly is not some sort of awkward friendly peck on the cheek, it's a bit firm and is lingering far too long to be something simply platonic. Jake feels his own cheeks heating up as he basically puts his own heart on the line. Does Dirk feel the same or has he been reading the mixed signals in the wrong way?

The joking, cocky retort Dirk had sitting on his tongue dies in his throat with a small, bewildered keening sound. Jake is kissing him. Jake is touching his mouth to his cheek and he’s... lingering.

It’s nothing but soft, warm pressure on his face but Dirk is frozen, eyes wide like a startled animal.

The only thing he can think of is, _this is not going according to plan_ , repeating in his mind over and over, idiotically.

Then there’s a tiny smacking noise that echoes in his ears and the pressure is gone; his cheek feels a little damp and Jake is red as a fire. Dirk realizes he hasn’t been breathing and takes an embarrassingly shaky breath, then stupidly mutters, “...Yeah.”

Jake’s staring at him strangely and Dirk assumes he must look insane to his best friend, and actually, he must be insane because all that happened was a kiss on the cheek. All that Jake did was kiss him on the cheek and that’s okay. In fact, it’s great, perfect, looks like the flirting was legitimate after all. You can kiss Jake on the mouth now, Dirk, you can do it and he’d be cool with it, so do it. Just fucking do it. Move in and kiss him, it’s what everyone wants.

Dirk stiffly backs away from Jake and his brain just continues to scold him, _not part of the plan, this isn’t how it's supposed to go, you didn’t plan this._

“I’m going to... go,” he hears himself say and then he’s suddenly in his room, leaning against his closed door and his shades are off but his hands replace them, covering his eyes. Everything catches up at once, including a solid dose of confusion, self-loathing, and furious regret. “What. The. FUCK. WAS. THAT.”

Jake stares awkwardly at the empty space where Dirk used to be, processing what just happened. He... laid one on Dirk, in the romantic kissy sense, and Dirk ran from him. Jake can only think that he's done something terrible and he can only hope that his best friend and crush will be able to forgive him for what just happened since Strider clearly didn't want that kiss. He quietly walks into the guest room to hide away, swallowing down the feel of a lump in his throat and needing someone to talk to about now.


	22. In which Jake seeks council.

Jake flops onto the bed in the guest room and uncaptchalogues his trusty old husktop for a private correspondence with a good friend. When he logs onto pesterchum, he's thankfully greeted by the confirmed online statuses of both Roxy Lalonde and Jane Crocker, his two favorite and dearest lady friends. He mostly needs a chance to vent and wants to try to keep this on the down low for a couple of minutes, so he decides that conversing with Jane for the time being is the best way to go. He just hopes that he won't hurt her feelings with this information, but he somehow doubts it with how tough she can be when she puts her mind to things, resolutely following leads she finds to unravel the mysteries around her.

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--

GT: Jane?  
GT: Are you there? I think i might have caused a serious pickle over here! :(  
GG: I'm here!  
GG: What's the matter, Jake? Exactly how serious is this pickle of yours?  
GT: Crazy serious jane! I havent a clue about how to deal with it.  
GT: Its just that...  
GT: I have to warn you that it is kind of a romantic entanglement issue sort of!  
GT: If thats an issue i can defer the talk to roxy.  
GT: Its just that i feel a little more comfortable talking to you on the more sensitive subjects first you know?  
GG: Oh.

There's a short pause before Jake's computer pings again with a new message.

GG: Why, it's not an issue at all, J! I'm honestly pleased as punch that you trust my judgement enough to ask for advice.  
GG: Though I can't promise I'll be able to give you much help on the romance front...  
GG: I can certainly listen! Hoo hoo!  
GT: No worries! I just need a friendly ear.  
GT: I already screwed it up to frigging hell.  
GG: Oh no!  
GG: What on earth happened? I thought you were still in Texas visiting Dir  
GG: ...  
GT: Erm. I guess your gumshoe sense is tingling?  
GG: You could... definitely say that, J!!!!!! Ha ha ha.  
GG: Why... don't you just tell me the issue?  
GT: The issue is that ive entirely ruined this!  
GT: I dont know what to do since well...  
GT: I had been developing tender feelings for dirk but also getting mixed signals from him.  
GT: So i sort of asked him on a sort of date.  
GT: I mean i didnt call it such or anything!!! But we had a good time.  
GT: So after we returned to the apartment i kissed him on the cheek and um.  
GT: He ran from me jane!!  
GT: So im in the guest room out of his way now.  
GG: Oh dear...  
GG: I am completely out of my element, Jake, but  
GG: You know, it seems very strange to me that Dirk would run away. He doesn't come across as the type to bolt out of situations!  
GG: Even if uh. He doesn't... like you romantically?  
GG: Which you never know!!! He definitely might!  
GG: He could just have been...  
GG: Nervous? Scared?  
GG: Yes! I mean, that is definitely a possibility!  
GG: Bluh. I'm so sorry, Jake. :(  
GG: Maybe you should tell me about the signals you've been receiving and we can try to figure this out yet?  
GT: Well weve held hands quite a bit.  
GT: And gone to the zoo and shopped for groceries and cooked dinner together and everyone thinks were an item including his brother.  
GT: Those are the signs in my favor i guess.  
GT: But sometimes he shies away from me and shit. Like i have the plague or something.  
GT: And he did mention that were in the south when talking about admirers and that there probably wouldnt be dudes included in that.  
GT: Im beginning to think that hes just trying to be a good friend and im spooking him off like a creeper and not taking obvious hints!  
GG: Hmm.  
GG: Well, Jake, holding hands is not exactly a normal thing for palsy, just-best-friends to do. It's a rather non-platonic action! As for the admirers comment, he was probably just referencing the stereotypical Southern-state penchant for homophobia?  
GG: I don't know if this helps exactly, but I really don't think that you have permanently spooked him. Dirk has always been the more forward sort... which actually might mean that your chances at romance with him are not great, since he likely would have made a move by now.  
GG: Oh gosh, that's not helpful at all...  
GG: Um but what I mean is that if Dirk had a major issue with your actions, he wouldn't have just run off!  
GG: I think the fact that he ran away means that something else is bothering him.  
GT: Really???? So maybe hed still regard me as a friend after this?  
GT: Thats what i want most.  
GG: Good gravy, J, I'm sure Dirk wouldn't just give up on your friendship willy-nilly!  
GG: Though I am very curious as to what's eating our dear Mr. Strider.  
GG: I might talk to Roxy about this at a later time. Would that be alright with you? I can omit the revealing romantic details, of course. :B  
GT: Sure.  
GT: I trust you and her with this so inform her of what you think would be good for this and maybe ill try to settle things with strider tomorrow. See where i stand with him.

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the new chapter. Jane's back in the house for some insight and it was fun to have her back.


	23. In which Dirk seeks council.

It takes a little longer for Dirk to relax a bit from his totally keyed-up state, receiving a romantic kiss on the cheek from Jake English after going to a fun event that could have arguably been called a date. He still can't believe that he ran from Jake like that when a kiss, reciprocation of his feelings, was exactly what he had wanted. He has no idea where to go from here, but clearly his instincts cannot be trusted in this situation; he needs advice from someone trustworthy and understanding. He opens up pesterchum and it's really no contest to decide who is most appropriate to speak to in these personal matters... Jane is well-meaning, but will try to figure out every aspect of the situation, and AR will try to aggressively fix the situation even more than Dirk would if it were a friend in this trouble instead. Time to get some Lalonde up in this business.

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] \--

TT: Roxy.  
TT: Are you around? I need the advice of someone who actually has a fuckin' brain that's functional since I am clearly lacking there.  
TG: pshaw! says the man with the plan, amirite  
TG: but wats up  
TG: *whats  
TT: I've made a huge mistake.  
TG: what kinda mistake??  
TG: tell me all about it  
TG: i dont think u could do hugely bad :3  
TT: You're wrong.  
TT: Jake kissed me on the cheek.  
TG: ooooh!  
TG: dis is juicyyyy  
TG: what's wrong w/ that?  
TG: jakes a cutie  
TT: Yeah, I'm well aware of Jake's status as Grade A manmeat.  
TT: I've only been practically salivating over him for, well, three years now,  
TT: Which is why everything is so fucked up right now.  
TT: Three years of crushing and when Jake somehow- miraculously- makes the first move, I freeze like a goddamn cryogenic douchebag. My brain started spilling out my ears in nasty thawed-out sludge trails while I stood there like a giant cock and made a noise like a microwaved kitten.  
TT: Guess what I did after that?  
TG: i would say kissed the manmeat buuut...  
TG: that's not 2 probable huh  
TG: le sign~  
TT: Le sign is fucking right, Rox.  
TT: I ran away.  
TT: I literally *flashstepped* the fuck out of there to go hide in my room.  
TG: oh crap!  
TT: I could have kissed him.  
TT: I could have mashed our lips together and brokered a deal for his tongue in my mouth and,  
TT: He would have been okay with that!  
TT: I think he might have actually enjoyed it if I had done something like that.  
TT: Instead I stare at him like he destroyed me, which I guess is at least somewhat accurate since literally the only thing I could think of was "my plans are ruined!"  
TT: For fuck's sake, I hadn't even managed to plan that much shit out and god fucking dammit how does getting a kiss sooner rather than later cause any goddamn problems at all?  
TT: Then I abscond, likely leaving him to wonder, "What the hell is wrong with that enormous prick?"  
TT: And I finally decimate my chance at happiness.  
TT: Kidding about the happiness thing.  
TT: Sort of.  
TT: Rox.  
TT: Roxy, are you still there? I am going to need someone to write down this shit so that when future generations learn about the heroes that saved the world, they can have academic fucking discussions and do psychoanalytic studies on what the hell is wrong was wrong with that Strider dude.  
TG: yup i'm here!  
TG: hold ur tiny horse dirk  
TG: i have teh key to what must b done  
TG: *thw  
TG: *the  
TG: butterfingers  
TG: but i know what to do!!!  
TT: Really.  
TT: Sorry, that wasn't intended to come across as skeptical as it looks.  
TT: I'll just do as you say and chill with Maplehoof while you do your thing.  
TG: YOU need to talk to jake  
TG: talk to the manmeat diiiiiirk  
TT: I don't want to talk to the manmeat though.  
TT: I have ruined it. It's spoiled. Completely rancid.  
TG: lies and slander!  
TG: lookit that it sounds so dramatic hellz yeah  
TG: but i'm serious  
TG: he won't be mad if u explain  
TG: cuz he totes has the hots 4 you  
TG: dont start tiptoein'  
TG: be a boss and tell him about stuff!  
TT: ...How likely are my chances of getting a positive reaction if I confess?  
TT: I'm trying to calculate the risk but I keep getting caught up in the fact that I just presented myself to him as though I was the founding father of the Anti-Jake Kissing Club.  
TT: I'm...  
TT: Nervous about how this will go.  
TG: better 2 do it now before he thinks he ruined things right?  
TG: u know he wouldn't want to lose his bestie  
TG: don't go breaking jakes heart like that!  
TG: ur not supposed to use gob tier stuff liek that  
TG: *whatever, matter of true luv  
TG: right?? ;3  
TT: I don't want to make him any more upset.  
TG: don't you think he wants to know you're ok?  
TT: Maybe? Probably?  
TT: I honestly don't know.  
TT: I... still want him, Roxy. I want him to kiss me again.  
TG: so tell him!  
TG: i've got some reliable intel  
TG: that jake wants to know ur still his bf  
TG: we are deliberatin this like the choicest defectives  
TG: *detectives  
TG: ha bad typo!  
TG: but weve been talking about this and he needs to kno things r cool  
TG: i prescribe a date w/ him!  
TG: plan today ask 2morrow  
TG: but he needs to know  
TT: Wait. You really think I should ask him out? You think that's a good idea?  
TT: You think he will want to go?  
TT: Also, tell Jane I said hey.  
TG: GASP! do not speak names of interest di-stri!!!  
TG: i am totes offended lol  
TG: but yeah! it doesn't have 2 b like  
TG: a DATE date  
TG: but he needs to see ur not freakin out  
TT: Okay, hear me out.  
TT: What if.  
TT: What if I show him that I'm not freaking out by...  
TT: Turning it into a "date date"? Holy shit.  
TT: I. I could definitely pull something off, provided he actually is still interested in spending any time with me at all. It's bluebonnet season...  
TG: drik u sly dog!!!! <3  
TG: *dirk  
TG: *dirky pooo  
TG: that's sweet!  
TG: i bet he'll be all over you 4 that  
TT: Don't get my hopes up, rogue.  
TT: But seriously, you think he'd be into that?  
TT: Going for a picnic, maybe?  
TT: Is that sort of shit romantic? It's romantic, right?  
TG: soooo romantic!  
TG: just b ready for more kissy face  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: I will attempt to control my flight instinct if he goes in with the lips again.  
TT: I have my doubts that he's even going to want to try to kiss me, but  
TT: ...I should probably start planning. This needs to happen tomorrow and there's a lot I need to do.  
TG: good luck bby!!!  
TG: say hi to jake for me!  
TG: and also  
TG: ur welcome ;3  
TT: A million less than three hearts for you, Rox.  
TT: And I think I've detected progress in your easing towards sobriety, Roxy. Congratulations.  
TT: Later.

\-- timaeusTestified [GT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [GG] \--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now there's some advice with Roxy to go in there since Dirk needs a voice of reason. There's going to be one more short chapter for sure, but this hasn't really been much buffering or anything.


	24. In which the council reaches consensus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one kind of takes place chronologically after the Jake pesters and somewhere in the Dirk pesters, but I thought it fit more for viewing after those two conversations.

\-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] \--

TG: jaaaaaaneyyyyy omg omg omf   
TG: guess wat!!!!!!!!   
GG: What's going on Rolal?  
GG: That's even more exclamation points than usual!   
TG: hell yah it is bbgirl!!!!!!   
TG: but u didnt guess wut :(  
TG: cmon lil miss gunshoe  
TG: *gum  
TG: im holding 2 things in my hands n only 1 of em is a drink  
TG: ps the drink is water r u proud of me??   
GG: You know I'm proud of that stepping stone!  
GG: Hm... Let me guess...  
GG: Is the other item...  
GG: Made of paper? :B   
TG: maaaaaaaaaaaybe   
TG: wink wonk wink   
GG: Is it a ticket, by any chance?   
TG: OMG YAY YOU GOT TIT JANEY  
TG: lololo *it   
TG: *tho u got the other one too ;)  
TG: i told u i was gonna come visit soon!!   
GG: Miss Lalonde, really!  
GG: I'm pleased as punch to expect a visit, though. Hoo hoo!  
GG: So you're off the hook for that one.   
TG: maybe i dont wanna be off the hook janeyy  
TG: lol jus teasin  
TG: so how exctited are u that im coming??  
TG: give it to me on a scale of 1 to hopy shit i cant even wait to see u roxy   
GG: I can't wait to see my dearest friend, of course!  
GG: Golly, it's such great news!  
GG: I can't wait to show you my baking and detecting prowess.   
TG: haha n i cant wait to SEE ur baekin and sleuthin skillz  
TG: and also just see u in general   
TG: god im cray happy rn  
TG: u do not even KNOW all the ship were gonna get up to  
TG: *shit  
TG: wait oh ship for reals dirk is like freakin out about something   
TG: h/o janey i gotta go deal w/ this meltdown   
GG: What?  
GG: DS is freaking out? What for?  
GG: What a time to disappear.  
GG: Gosh!   
TG: omfg jane  
TG: .........umm is jakey talkin to u right now by ne chance?   
GG: Well, he talked to me a little while ago.  
GG: Is this regarding our friend, Mr. Strider?  
GG: Hoo hoo!   
TG: YES   
TG: oh no is jaek really upset too??  
TG: becuase all dirk keeps talking about is how he "ruined everything"  
TG: after our adventurin friend kissed him on tha cheek i guess????   
GG: That's what I got, too!  
GG: I wouldn't normally gab over something like this, but...  
GG: Jake is definitely concerned.  
GG: He even wondered if Dirk would still want to be his friend.  
GG: Poor Jake thinks he drove him away.  
GG: I reassured him and he said he'd speak to Dirk tomorrow to see if things are still fine.   
TG: yay dirk is gonna talk to him 2morrow too  
TG: and i think ask him out!!!!!!!  
TG: but shhh u didnt hear that from me  
TG: honestly idek y this all took so long i mean theyve been flirting w/ each other for months u kno   
GG: Yes, I've been having some suspicions of my own.  
GG: I'm glad they're acting on it and I hope it works out.  
GG: Honestly, they're both wonderful friends!  
GG: I'm glad we all made it together.  
GG: And I can't wait to see the whole lot of you again someday!  
GG: For now, I'll probably be busy wrangling you, but I wouldn't want it any other way.   
TG: me too bbygirl  
TG: to all of that  
TG: so neway.....  
TG: im comin in 3 weeks and weve gotta plan!!!! :)   
GG: We do, indeed!  
GG: You're going to love Washington!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. This was the last of the really short chapters. Unfortunately, the next one might take a bit longer, but we'll try to work on it soon.


	25. In which Dirk and Jake ready for adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. There's been a bit of an issue with scheduling and illness lately, but we should be on the right track again. The next chapter will be longer, since this one's sort of a set up.

Jake sighs from his seat on the guest bed, bundled up in the blanket he brought on a sentimental whim, even if he really considered it after being told he wouldn't be judged. He's promised that tomorrow, he'll speak to Dirk and make sure that they can still be friends, but it's such a daunting thought! Still, he doesn't plan on being an ass to Jane and break that promise. Perhaps if he's lucky, Dirk's not going to want to clock him in the jaw for this issue with that stupid kiss? What a jam...

To make matters worse, he's now feeling a certain nagging sensation from his bladder. Jake's not particularly keen on leaving the safety of the blanket he brought from home, risking catching sight of Dirk or the other way around. His bladder quite easily overturns the worry and he quietly enters the hall to walk to the bathroom and promptly remedy the issue. He almost thinks he'll be home free but, part of the way through his sneaking, Dirk quickly appears nearby in a bout of flash-stepping. "F-fucking hell! You nearly emptied my bladder, Bro!"

“My apologies,” Dirk replies and though his tone is flat as ever there is the slightest hint of jitteriness around the edges. In fact he’s shifting his weight ever so slightly, as though he’s uncomfortable— which is exactly accurate, since he’s only just managed to talk himself down from his kiss-related anger and worry, thanks to help from Roxy.

Jake looks completely uncertain as well and it hurts more than a little to know that he’s done that to his best friend. He’s going to remedy it though. The plan is being set into action.

Steeling himself, Dirk says, “I was thinking of going out tomorrow. If you’d like to come, you’re welcome to do so.”

God, he sounds so standoffish still. He verbally edits a bit, adding in, “I mean, it’d be cool if you’d come. Just don’t want to drag you along if you’ve got something else to do, is all.” Ugh.

"Sure," Jake replies, looking bewildered but pleased at the request. This can definitely work into the plan of talking tomorrow, even if Dirk's not the only nervous guy. "I do enjoy hanging out with my best pal."

“Cool.” Dirk manages to not sigh in relief. It’s not difficult since he’s still wired with worry about his plan. “I’ll let you get back to your business then. We’ll leave in the early afternoon.”

He leaves as quickly as he arrived, just a blur and the opening and closing of his bedroom door.

On the other hand, Jake does manage a sigh of relief. It looks like things are possibly maybe alright with Dirk. He walks over to the bathroom to take care of business, his mind wandering onto what sort of excursion Dirk wants to go on. Whatever it is, Jake will be happy to go and hopefully sort out the mess he made while they're at it; thank goodness Dirk doesn't look upset.

\------------

Sleep doesn’t come easy and Dirk wakes up too early and too restless, antsy about his plans for the day. He’s got a mental checklist of things he needs to complete before they leave and a ridiculously long shower he needs to take before he can start any of it. He drags himself out of bed and starts his day by drowning his idiotic nerves in scalding water and an absurd number of different soaps. 

When he’s done styling his hair, he runs through the preparation of food for the picnic and throws the basket and a blanket in the trunk of Dave’s car. The place he’s taking Jake is a little too far for a comfortable motorcycle ride and Dave was kind enough to hand over his keys after catching Dirk pacing around the kitchen, muttering worriedly about his bike. Dirk is honestly trying not to be nervous. He’s really not supposed to be nervous, that’s not how he rolls. He’s a smooth operator, in-control, a puppetmaster pulling the strings, and right now he’s trembling all over because he’s actually going to put himself out there and confess. It’s not okay and he needs to regain his composure.

When he sits on the couch to wait for Jake to get up and can’t stop fidgeting like a hyperactive child, he gives up and goes to wake the sleeping beast so he can start to get the day over with.

It really, really bothers him that his hand shakes as he turns the doorknob. He’s not confessing right now so there’s no need to be worried and he tells himself that repeatedly as he pushes the door open. 

He flinches at the first sight of Jake, but immediately relaxes because, hey, it’s Jake... And he’s still deep in sleep, bundled up under his green sheet and snoring like a chainsaw. His mouth is wide open and he’s drooling all over everything and his hair is a tangled, matted mess and- fuck, is he really getting worked up over telling this big dork “I love you”? 

It helps calm him and he can barely keep the smile from his face as he pushes on Jake’s shoulder and the jungle boy snorts in his sleep. “Hey. Jake. Wake up.”

Jake opens his eyes with another snuffle of surprise, but smiles when he sees Dirk. It takes a moment for the drool to register with Jake and he sits up with a grunt of displeasure at the cold, slimy feeling. He rubs his chin and cheek with his arm, frowning at making such an awful morning impression after his botched attempt at showing affection the day before. He starts looking almost as riled up as Dirk was earlier as he says, "Of all the fucking confounded shit... I woke up late, didn't I?"

Dirk offers Jake a sort of sympathetic, warm smile, thinking that maybe that frustrated look on his friend's face is over some embarrassment at being caught all messy and out of sorts. It's definitely calming him down having Jake awake, even all riled up. 

"A little," Dirk replies, mostly because there is no way in hell he is going to actually admit to only coming in to wake Jake up because it was better than the alternative of freaking out while waiting. "It's alright though. No harm, no foul. You want waffles for breakfast? I'll cook 'em while you get ready."

"Hell yes!" Jake replies with an enthusiastic gleam in his eyes. He brushes back his hair slightly with his fingers- though, with the drool situation, he should shower anyway. "Are they as good as your pancakes?"

"I doubt it. The cooking actually only entails moving them from the freezer to the toaster. Still, I'm going to go ahead and say that it's the thought that counts and I'm sure you are going to inhale them anyway so," Dirk shrugs, still smiling. He makes a move for the door to let Jake get ready, trying not to eye his friend's bare chest on the way. "See you in a bit."

"Yeah." Jake gives a wave and a sheepish smile. He sure as heck does plan on scarfing those waffles and not just because of his nerves. They're bound to be delicious no matter how they're cooked and Dirk's still being considerate enough to heat some up for him. Sappy as it is, Dirk's also been doing some heating to his heart, not that he'll bring that up again; he's lucky that Dirk's a good enough sport not to throw him out for that unwanted flirtation. Perhaps he's taking it a bit hard, but Dirk wouldn't bolt if he wanted to reciprocate... or at least Jake can't imagine why he would. "I'll attempt a quick shower... unlike someone I know."

"Hey. I'm lovingly making you waffles from a cardboard box." Wow, Dirk. Daring. Using the word 'love' all barely covertly like that. Dang. He doesn't even think about it. The calm, collected Strider is in the house and having a verbal tease session with his hot, half-naked love interest. Everything is cool. "I think that means the sniping about the perfectly reasonable shower habits of unnamed persons should be kept to a minimum."

Then he walks smoothly out the door to go see if they have any blueberry syrup in the fridge.

Jake simply snorts at that whole thing, his cheeks pinking at the drop of the word "love", as if it meant something. To keep himself from grasping at mental straws so ridiculously, he hops out of bed and picks out some of his clothes, taking them with him to the bathroom so that he can clean up from late night drooling and a bit of sweat from the Texas heat that lingered at night. Jake is at least excited at the prospect of hanging out with Dirk and seeing what this secret outing business is all about, so he tries to keep his cleaning quick, but thorough.

Blueberry syrup acquired and shitty swords dodged, Dirk finishes up the highly arduous task of making sure the Eggos don't burn. He slaps down two plates loaded with waffles and a dish of butter and is managing to feel pretty good about the way the day is going (even though nothing major has happened so far). He munches away on his plate and nods at Jake when he wanders in with damp hair and smelling of soap.

Plopping down in the seat next to Dirk, Jake grins broadly at the food. He pours some syrup onto one of his waffles, picking it up and happily stuffing his face with delicious blueberry-flavored waffle. It's entirely wonderful as far as Jake is concerned. "Mmm!"

"And no one is surprised," Dirk mutters in response to Jake's reaction, but he gives a teasing sort of laugh and looks pretty pleased with himself regardless.

"Hrm?" Jake looks over to his best bro with a smile, blessedly closed since his mouth is still full of waffle.

Dirk snorts and shakes his head as Jake manages to enthusiastically cram huge hunks of food into his mouth. "Enjoying your breakfast there, Jake?"

"Mm-hm!" Jake swallows the bite of waffle and says, "It's great! And you're quite fond of blueberry, eh? So am I and not just for the color of it."

"Blueberries are alright. Not as good as oranges but I enjoy them still." He finishes off the last of his waffle pile and looks calmly at Jake. God, it is so much easier to relax when actually in his friend's presence. He's actually feeling okay enough to attempt to subtly flirt again, sliding his fork through some syrup on his plate before popping it into his mouth to clean off the tines and offhandedly offering, "I'll be honest with you and admit that I'm likely more fond of them now because I know you like the color."

He leaves Jake with that and goes to wash his plate, calling out, "When you're done, we can head out. It's a long trip."

"It is?" Jake looks curious in that painfully obvious way of his, watching Dirk with wide eyes and another big smile. "Where are we going? I bet it's someplace interesting. I enjoyed our trips to the zoo and that movie theater."

"I'm glad," Dirk gives a little smile, soaking in the cute Jake expressions. Except Jake is reminding him of what's to come by asking where they're going and it sends a brief nervous flutter through his stomach. "I'm hoping you'll like this place just as much, if not more. I'm not telling you anything else about it."

He smirks, calming down again as he tells Jake, "It's like an adventure."

"Heh. Alrighty, then. Keep your secrets," Jake says with a soft laugh, returning to munching on the last of his own waffles. Boy, that's some glorious grub.

Not for much longer he won't, Jake. Dirk refuses to let that incite another wave of panic though and leaves Jake to clean up his plate while he double checks his to-do list and makes sure everything is completely set for the day.

With the plate now empty, Jake's very ready to get all of this secretive nonsense out of the way. He places the dish he had into the sink, then sidles up to Dirk and nudges him playfully in the ribs. He hopes that the gesture isn't going too far, but he's excited about what's to come. "Ready, Bro? I certainly am."

“Ready as I can be,” Dirk says, sort of cryptically. The nerves are coming back slowly but steadily as the plan gets rolling. He grabs his brother’s keys from the counter and slips on his jacket even though they aren’t going to be taking the bike (hey, he looks good in leather what can he say). Then he holds the front door open for Jake and they make their way down to the garage.

Dirk steers Jake away from his motorcycle and towards Dave’s cherry red car and they both get in and buckle up. Focusing on his plan, Dirk steadies his shaky hands on the steering wheel and starts down the highway.


	26. In which Dirk really tries to spit it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long time coming. Sorry for the long delay, we've been really busy. I was actually going to cut this a bit earlier, but honestly the whole thing goes well together as a chapter, so surprise!  
> Sorry for the wait and I hope all of you enjoy the update. I swear we are not dead.

Over an hour of near silent driving later, music-less because Dave had decided to stick in only the soundtrack for an SBaHJ movie on full-blast and rewired the entire damn radio to torment Dirk in particular, Jake is getting antsy. It's just kind of eating at him, not knowing where they're going and nothing but samey scenery to look at as a weak diversion that quickly wore itself out. He fidgets for probably the seventh time in five minutes and asks, "Are we almost there yet? Where are we going?"  
  
Jake’s voice snaps Dirk out of his intense concentration on the road (read: his plan and his upcoming speech part of the plan and the potential failure of the plan and backup plans to the plan) and he nearly swerves off.  
  
His eyes flicker over to Jake apologetically, mostly for the off-road adventure they nearly went on but also for the bored tone that Jake’s using. Dirk knew that the long trip to a good viewing place for bluebonnets was going to be difficult on action-adventure-go-go-Jake. He probably should have brought his laptop so Jake could blissfully zone out on movies but he somehow didn’t think of that. Luckily for both of them...  
  
“Actually we are already here,” Dirk says as he turns down a tree-lined dirt road with an aged sign that reads “Park Entrance”. There’s no one else around so he has no problems with parking the car right near a trail leading into the surrounding woods.  
  
"A park?" Jake asks, looking at the simple sign with brief interest. As soon as Dirk's stopped the car, the adventurer hops out to stretch his legs and eye the trail from where he's standing. Seeing wildlife is cool and all, but he's still not entirely sure what his best bro must be planning. Maybe they're going to go bird-watching? Or try out some hunting together, if that's the sort of thing legal here? It's probably not that, since Jake doesn't have a license. Whatever it is, Jake is willing to give it a fair shot, figuratively speaking.  
  
"It looks spiffing, Bro! What are your plans for-" He turns to look at Dirk, ready to coax him into hurrying up down the trail, when he sees that Dirk has uncaptchalogued something; it's some sort of a proper picnic basket from the look of it and that makes Jake's smile brighten. Looks like they're going to have a nice stroll and things, then they'll eat some food together. That sounds pretty damn wonderful to Jake and he's definitely wound up for it now. "Oh. Great idea, bringing some snacks with us!"  
  
Dirk grabs a blanket and wordlessly hands it to Jake and they head down a dirt path cutting through the woods. His thoughts race and he's trying not to start panicking, running through his plan over and over in a last ditch effort to make sure he's at least somewhat in control.  
  
Dirk says nothing as they stroll, his knuckles white from gripping the basket and his eyes focused ahead. He thinks he might see the end of the trail and some flashes of blue in the distance and breathes deeply.  
  
They walk into a lightly shaded area next to a sunny meadow and Jake can hardly believe the sight there. In the meadow, there's an unreal expanse of blue flowers. He saw several patches of the clustered bunches of flowers along the roads that Dirk drove through, but this... "It almost looks like a lake! There's so many!"  
  
That reaction does at least get a twitch of Dirk's lips, not able to help the surge of happiness at seeing Jake so enthused over the beautiful sight in front of them. He breaks the little moment by gently tugging at the blanket and asking, "Want to help set up?"  
  
"Oh, right!" Jake chuckles at his own moment of distraction and helps Dirk to unfold the large blanket, laying it on the grass so that they'll have a comfy spot to admire the flora around them. Once it's all laid out, Dirk and Jake both sit down and Jake's eyes are drawn to the field of flowers again. "What a sight. This is great pickings for a picnic. It certainly is a romantic sort of spot... Uh! N-not that I mean that it _has_ to be romantic, I meant that it's just wonderful to see a part of nature and it's so peaceful and colorful! It's very soothing, you know? Ha ha! It's great and I-"  
  
"Jake," Dirk interrupts, trying to maintain his calm demeanor in the face of his friend's somewhat nervous babbling. In a way, it's relaxing to hear him ramble, to listen to his nice, warm voice- but he can't say what he needs to say if Jake drowns him out.  
  
The stream of words stops as Jake turns his head to properly look at the one who said his name, his face showing the usual excitement and enthusiasm, a hint of confusion, a little apprehension, and what might be fondness; at least Dirk thinks it is.  
  
For all of his planning, Dirk's only thought is that Jake's eyes are so beautifully green. He forgets the words he was supposed to say but they don't really matter at the moment, not when Jake is looking at him and giving him the strangest and most perfect surge of hope.  
  
With his heart in his throat, his pulse thudding in his ears, and his brain as empty as the sky, he closes the distance between them. It's been a long, long time coming and there's no turning back.  
  
Dirk closes his eyes and softly presses his lips to Jake's.  
  
It takes a good long moment for Jake to process what is happening, feeling Dirk's lips pressing against his. Finally figuring it out, he closes his eyes and leans into the kiss, his heart fluttering as he gets an actual kiss from Dirk. To think he had expected just an affirmation of their bromance on this trip!  
  
When the two gently part from each other, Jake's not quite ready to interrogate Dirk yet. He grabs the collar of his best bro's shirt, yanking him into another kiss that's a tad more rough than what he expected to do. Still, Jake holds Dirk tight and proceeds with kissing him breathless. In fact, both of them are breathless by the end, but Jake's more than alright with that fact when they part to catch their breath.  
  
They lean together for a moment, smiling and even laughing a bit at the way that moment turned out. When they carefully sit back up, recovered enough from the surprise they both felt, Jake shoves Dirk's shoulder just enough to jolt him into paying attention. "Why the fuck did you run!?"  
  
"Because I'm a huge asshole," Dirk replies in a strangled pant, still looking astonished from the kisses, even while self-hatred and shame flits over his features at the thought of his meltdown the day before. "And I was terrified. It was a 2x 'I fucking suck' combo."  
  
He can barely choke out words and he doesn’t even notice the fact that he’s dazedly brought his fingers to his lips like he’s trying to feel the kisses they just shared.  
  
"You know, I'm more than happy to confirm those kisses happened." Jake snickers at the stunned motion Dirk made and pulls his friend's hand out of the way, replacing it with his lips. Jake feels his face heat up at getting to kiss Dirk yet again. The last thing he expected today had been reciprocation for his romantic affections, even if Jane tried to comfort him with a possibility like this during their chat, but he's more than happy that it's what Dirk wanted to reveal on this little trip.  
  
Sweet god, Jake is actually kissing Dirk. They are pressing their mouths together and damn if that isn’t just perfect. Except right now Dirk can’t seem to do much other than just sit there stupidly as Jake’s lips move softly against his. When Jake pulls away, Dirk feels him squeeze his hand and that is enough to bring him into the present.  
  
“Jake,” Dirk breathes, trying to keep his head from swirling even more. The nerves flood back for a second but he tells himself it’s stupid, they have kissed and Jake is happy (laughing even) so there’s nothing to worry about. Dirk places his hand on Jake’s cheek and runs his thumb over the tanned skin. “Jake, I’ve been meaning to tell you...”  
  
"Yes?" Jake asks with a hopeful look, already fairly certain of what Dirk wants to stay. Still, his friend owes him for all of that drama earlier and he scoots slightly closer for the news.  
  
Dirk leans forward and slowly pushes his shades to the top of his head, a tiny smile rising to his lips. The expression on Jake's face tells him that he clearly already knows what he's going to say, so there's no worry or stress in his mind; it's sort of nice that he's allowed to be sappy with this. Staring warmly into Jake's eyes, Dirk actually grins as he says, "I'm completely in love with you."  
  
Managing a small exhale, Jake realizes that he started holding his breath when he saw Dirk's eyes, looking so warm and giving more than hints to Dirk's happiness. He takes a shaky little breath to reply, "Shucks, I've been smitten for a while... I just didn't know how to tell you, even if I've been trying."  
  
Dirk actually laughs, too relieved to feel much of anything but intense happiness, even if he should be pissed at himself for being an idiot for so long. Jake loves him. Honestly, how could he be anything but exuberant? "I've been 'smitten' for four years, Jake. I can't very well blame you for not knowing how to tell me when it took you kissing me on the cheek and my subsequent freakout to actually motivate me to confess."

He kisses Jake on the forehead, gushy as fuck. "It was worth it. It was all worth it."  
  
"I'm glad," Jake replies, reaching up and cupping Dirk's cheek, just because he can. "I always had a sneaking suspicion, you know, and I fell for you in the game. When I saw you... ascend, I promised myself I'd tell you someday."  
  
Dirk snorts but puts his hand over the one on his cheek. Though Jake’s attraction had to be a recent development compared to his own long-harbored crush, Dirk was still both thrilled and amazed that Jake fell for him at all. Especially after what he did.  
  
He probably shouldn’t think of that right now- even with Brobot’s request still sitting heavily in his mind. He shakes his head and gives Jake a sweet smile, teasing, “So when exactly was that ‘someday’? Did I jump the metaphorical gun? I should have waited to see what you came up with. I’d have high expectations for a confession from actual gentleman Jake English.”  
  
"Well... I've been dropping some hints," Jake says in admission, shrugging and perhaps blushing at that smile of Dirk's. "Taking your hand, opening doors, asking you to see Indiana Jones, kissing you. But I was confused on your own feelings on the matter. Towards the end, I even sort of thought you might be, um... a tad homophobic? And that I was making you uncomfortable with my attempted romantic advances?"  
  
Dirk pushes down his glasses to try to avoid some of the embarrassment of his eyes being seen as he stares blankly. "You thought I was homophobic."  
  
He's not entirely sure how to deal with this news because everyone seemed to be completely aware of his massive homo crush on Jake; except Jake, he guesses... But he will admit that his behavior lately has not been exactly representative of his true feelings. He looks apologetic. "I'm sorry I ever gave you that impression. You know I've been harboring ridiculously gay feelings for you for multiple years now. It was nervewracking to think that I might actually have a chance at getting those feelings returned."  
  
"It's water off a duck's back," Jake says reassuringly, resting his hand on Dirk's and weaving their fingers together. "I know the score now."

Dirk grins widely at the blush and the big, dorky, heart-thuddingly happy look on Jake's handsome face. He's sure that he's got an equally dumb look on his face- lovestruck and enthralled. "We're both asking a hell of a lot of questions, don't you think? Kind of a waste of our mouths, huh?"

Then he puts his free hand on Jake's face and slowly leans in to kiss his smile.  
  
Jake snorts in amusement, but easily transitions into kissing Dirk. What an excessively sappy sort of date to have... and holy crap, this is a date! He gives Dirk a tight hug in excitement, not able to help himself.  
  
Dirk softly 'oofs' at the hug and doesn't give a single shit that he's a mushy douchebag that's doing nothing but reveling in romancing Jake. So he continues to press kisses to his best friend's lips and over his face to his forehead, his cheek, and his chin.  
  
Jake can't help but chuckle at the sweet, if a bit copious, amounts of kisses he's recieving now. He playfully tries to keep up with Dirk and focus the contact to their lips, but that just makes things turn into more of a clash of glasses and noses. Their faces bump awkwardly with a clink of glass again and Dirk blushes slightly as he pulls back.  
  
"Sorry," he says before pulling of his shades, folding them, then tucking them away. He probably shouldn't have even bothered lowering them again like he had earlier. Dirk looks at Jake and makes a move for his glasses, pinching the bridge.  
  
"Ha ha. What a gent," Jake says, biting his bottom lip to keep himself from snickering as he lets Dirk remove his glasses.  
  
With a snort, Dirk folds the specs and uses them to lightly thwap Jake on the nose for laughing at his totally romantic and sweet actions. “Are you taking notes, Jake?”  
  
"Of course! It's all up here," Jake replies, pointing at his own temple. "My brain is like a sponge that's thirsty for affection. Teach me more of the ways of Strider romance."  
  
Dirk hums, barely able to keep the smile from twisting his lips. “I’m not sure you’re ready, English,” he says, almost taunting.  
  
"Oh-ho! Am I detecting some sass from you?" Jake asks with a broad smile.  
  
"Maybe," Dirk replies coyly, despite his internal swooning over that big dumb Jake smile. Leaning close enough to ghost Jake's cheek with his lips, he murmurs, "But it's all part of the 'Strider romance.' You would know that if you were actually paying attention to this lesson instead of questioning my character."  
  
"What if I'm simply countering the sass as part of my own lesson-styled courtship?" Jake asks, leaning a bit in response so that Dirk's lips brush against his cheek. "I'm trying to be a good student."  
  
He softly kisses Jake’s cheek, then lays small but tender pecks over the side of his face, up to his ear. He mouths the shell, teasing, before he whispers, “Sorry to say that I’m not terribly impressed with you so far. I’d give you a B-. If that.”  
  
Jake almost pouts at that, but immediately grins, having a good idea of how to bump up his grade. He quickly wraps his arms around Dirk, making sure to support his head with one of his hands, and tips him into sort of a half-dip, catching Dirk's lips for a hungry kiss.  
  
"Mmf!" Dirk embarrassingly manages to squeak out in surprise before the kissing starts. The shock doesn't last long though; he's far too enthralled with being able to have this sort of contact with Jake to let anything keep him from responding fervently once he realizes what's going down. He doesn't even mind the fact that Jake dipped him- hell, Jake can dip him all he wants as long as he gets kisses out of it- and he wraps his arms tightly around Jake's neck to keep their bodies close together.  
  
"Mm." Jake's lips curl slightly into a smile against Dirk's at the reaction. Oh yeah, he is totally bumping up that lame-o grade that he was given by his dear Strider. He gently pets Dirk's hair as he continues to almost smother the other young man in affection.  
  
Dirk sighs contentedly, perfectly happy to languidly kiss and soak up all the attention from Jake. His fingers slowly weave into his best friend's unruly hair and lightly scratch his scalp while their mouths move together in a way that is too perfect for him to even think about. He breaks for air and tries not to gasp even though it is a little hard to catch his breath.  
  
"Alright. B+," he says, trying to snark but it ends up only sounding dazed and breathy.  
  
"Oh, c'mon!" Jake replies, still holding Dirk close. Despite the awful incline of that grade, Jake can't help but rub his nose against Dirk's. It's hard to resist such a sweet little gesture, even when Strider's arguably at some of his most infuriating. "Ha ha. You really are kind of awful right now. I gave some truly admirable effort."  
  
No longer able to contain the smile because holy shit, Jake is adorable and they work so well together, it's more than he could have ever hoped for. Dirk teases, "Well. I suppose I can weight the eskimo kiss to bump you up to an A-. Technically it is bribery and against my strict moral standards but I'll make an exception for you, Jake. You're welcome."  
  
"I'll live with that." He gives Dirk a little wink, feeling warm and fuzzy over all of this sappiness in between them. "You're quite the heartbreaker. I'm glad to see that I can live up to some of your mighty standards."  
  
"Please," Dirk snorts with a head shake at the winking before tucking his face into Jake's neck and breathing him in. "You basically set the standards, you dork."  
  
Jake can't help but give a soft, pleasant shiver at the snuggling and warm breathing. "You really think that?"  
  
There's a long pause, possibly because Dirk is trying to cuddle as close as he can to Jake but also possibly because he doesn't know how to answer the way he wants without sounding too desperate or lame. "Yes. You are... the only person I have ever wanted romantically. So there is really no comparison."  
  
"All this warm-hearted flattery is definitely getting to me," Jake replies softly, nuzzling Dirk's head. "Ha ha. I'm probably messing your hair. Sorry about that, Bro."  
  
"Alright, I'll stop then," he says, and then because he can feel his hair getting completely mussed up, he speaks up a bit more playfully. "Especially since your reaction to getting complimented is apparently to go and fuck up something that I spent at least an hour getting perfect."  
  
Dirk doesn't let up on the cuddling but he does poke Jake in the side when the nuzzling doesn't immediately stop. "Knock it off, asshole, you're going to make it frizz."  
  
Jake stops and laughs at that. He good-naturedly elbows his boyfriend in retaliation for the poke. "Your brother might think we were up to something scandalous, hm?"  
  
"Are you suggesting we leave out of fear for what he might do if he gets into his head that we are out here ruining my shot at marriage?" Dirk asks.  
  
"I wouldn't make you leave your family," Jake replies, surprisingly honest despite Dirk almost absolutely teasing him. "I'd brave the prospect of a belligerent Dave Strider, Hollywood celebrity, for you."  
  
"My, such a gentleman," says Dirk. He honestly is swooning a little on the inside but he isn't about to stop teasing, adding with a small, sly grin, "I'd let you defile me any day."  
  
Jake can't help but snort at that, despite the response flustering him up a bit. "Wow. No one warned me of you being just this flirtatious when you finally got it through your thick skull that I care for you as more than my best pal. I don't know how I'll resist the temptation of kissing you silly!"  
  
Dirk is flat out ignoring anything that has to do with their ineffectual courtship now. It's done, over; time to kiss more. "Yeah, you should probably just give up right now."  
  
"I think you're one frigging genius," Jake replies, leaning in and kissing Dirk's temple.  
  
A small, very happy sigh escapes Dirk's mouth and he doesn't say anything, just tilts his head up to gently kiss Jake's cheek and continue to cuddle against him, so thankful for the ability to touch.  
  
Jake gives a goofy grin at the little kiss and can't help but feel just as simply content. He wraps an arm around Dirk, holding him comfortably and close. "I could get used to that."


	27. A Parting Note from an Author

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little final note here. Thanks for reading, everyone.

This is Fangirl0, one of the co-authors of this fic.

I wanted to thank everyone who's read this fanfiction. The story is at a satisfying enough end but I may come back to this story someday and add a bit, as well as that spin-off plan, but it's not possible in the foreseeable future because of private reasons I'd rather not bring up. It's been great, writing and editing for this fic. I've also really enjoyed everyone's comments.

Thanks for making this silly fanfiction so much fun, everyone.


End file.
